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1 year....

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by 84gmcjimmy, Apr 25, 2005.

  1. 84gmcjimmy

    84gmcjimmy 1 ton status

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    Before anyone hijacks my post or posts nonsense in it, DON'T.

    I am just posting this because like I have said numerous times before, ck5 is like my second family. And I have a lot of really good friend on here, so I like to tell them things...
    Today is April 25th 2005, like most of you know. If anyone remembers, this date, last year was the day my father died. It doesn't seem like 1 year, 365 days. To tell you guys the truth, it doesn't seem real he's actually physically gone. As the years go by I will get more comfortable with it...but I know many of you have lost a loved one...it's not easy realizing it, and it stillmakes me cry sometimes when I think about it.

    For those who are new within the last few months, I will tell you ina nutshell what happened...early december 2003 my dad got diagnosed with 3 brain tumors and terminal lung cancer. He went for radiation for 2 weeks, and came back on the 23rd. It seemed like he was getting better...but he wasn't It was the drugs he was on...eventually things got worst. He starting experiencing seizures and then in the morning of April 25th 2004, the doctor pronouced him dead...he passed away in our house, with my mom, and my at his side...and my sister came in moments after. He died at the age of 50, his 51 birthday was just days away.

    Anyways, thanks for listening...sadly none of my friends remembered, or even said much about this subject...oh well.

    R.I.P. Dad.



    Stephen.
     
  2. Can Can

    Can Can Pusher Man Staff Member Super Moderator

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    One step at a time, brother. Just remember that he's smiling down on you right now, realizing that all the effort he put into raising you has paid off.
     
  3. bigcountryk5

    bigcountryk5 1/2 ton status

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    you seem like a real good guy straight up and down and i'm sure your father is beaming and proud of you and watching over you. I hope you can remember the good times to help ease the pain
     
  4. Cricket

    Cricket 3/4 ton status

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    Your a good son Steve.

    He is very proud of you, always remember that he's with you everywhere you go. I'm sorry I did not know but I'm glad you posted.

    Light a candle for him if you like, that always brings me peace of mind.

    We're here for you too and I hope that comforts you as well. Your a great kid that any Father would be thrilled to have.
     
  5. wraenking

    wraenking 1/2 ton status

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    i lost my father the same way. brain tumor. doctors wanted to wait until after christmas to operate so they could do their thing, and he died the day after christmas. its good to think of him as much as you can. i like getting a good cry in once in a while. actually makes me feel better

    keep your head up
     
  6. surpip

    surpip 1 ton status

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    Your a good kid man, im shure he is pretty dang proud of what he accomplished with you.
    In a world where there is so many people with so little respect for life, im shure he is proud of you.
    chin up man, be proud of your self, i lost both of my grandpas, with in 6 months, i was real close with both of them, they had so much for me to learn from, and im glad i did with the short time i got with the both of them.
     
  7. 4by4bygod

    4by4bygod 1/2 ton status

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    Steve.. As has been said, you are a good son. You look out for your family, and that's what your dad would have wanted... As for your friends not saying anything, I bet they remember, but they're scared to say anything because it hurts to dredge up old feelings. If you aren't bringing it up to them yourself, they may assume you're trying to keep your mind off things, and they just let you be, cause they'd rather not see you cry.

    When my mom died, my friends and family didn't know how to handle me, really.. I've always been real stoic, and I don't cry unless I'm putting my dog to sleep.. anyway, they didn't know if I wanted to talk or be left alone, and I was the same with my dad.. did he want to talk, or didn't he? It was a crapshoot how he'd react, so I just stayed quiet, thinking he liked it that way.. worked good until her birthday came and went.. He went ballistic, thinking I forgot, when in fact nothing could be further from the truth.took a few hours, but we straightened it out.

    Anyway, if they're true blue friends, they didn't forget. If it's good for you to talk, just open up to them like you do here.

    Tom
     
  8. beater_k20

    beater_k20 Banned

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    Steve, it may not be that your friends forgot. to alot of people its a sore subject, and often times its better left alone. especially on the anniversary of such an event.

    seems to me you're dealing with it rather well. i know at a year after my grandpa passed away, i couldnt really talk about it much. now i just cant do it without getting all emotional. its hard losing someone you look up to. just remember, you didnt lose all of him, just the physical part. my grandpa still rides with me everytime i drive my K20.
     
  9. 84gmcjimmy

    84gmcjimmy 1 ton status

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    Tom, you were right some of them remembered, they just didn't say anything until I kind of brought up the subject.

    Thanks everyone for the support. This is why I love ck5...everyone cares about everyone else!
     
  10. joez

    joez 1/2 ton status

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    Exactly. None of my friends brought it up ever again after the funeral for my dad, a year and a half ago. Its just a weird subject to talk about and bring up.

    Steve, i know exactly what you mean and how you feel. I went through almost the same thing right before i joined CK5, close to the same age too, i was 18 when it happened. Just hang in there and remember the good times, he will never truly be gone if you remember him, and he will always be with you wherever you go. You can do nothing but take it one day at a time. If you ever need or want somebody to talk to about it, i can PM you my #.

    Good luck, and remember to hang onto the memories. Im sure he is proud of you.
     
  11. 84gmcjimmy

    84gmcjimmy 1 ton status

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    Thanks Joe, but i'm not much of a phone person.
    I definitly think of all the good memories and good times I had with my dad...definitly brings a smile on my face, and a tear to my eye.
     
  12. dontoe

    dontoe 3/4 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    I still miss my Dad. He passed in 1990. He had a heart attack and I gave him CPR till the EMT's got there. Didn't make it obviously! He was a great Dad!
     
  13. nc87k5

    nc87k5 3/4 ton status

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    well, I see what happens when you don't post right to start with. But as everyone has said and as you have said, your friends just didn't want to bring it up due to the fact it's a touchy subject. to be honest with you, typing what you feel helps, but none like expressing it with your voice, by phone or in person. so you have my number and others' who are willing to talk so feel free to drop us a line anytime, that's what we are here for. :wink1:
     
  14. jarheadk5

    jarheadk5 1/2 ton status

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    That's the best. June will be 11 years since my grandfather passed away, and I still smile when I think about him... and I still get a little choked up sometimes when I remember all the good times we had. He's the one who taught me how to use real tools when I was 3 years old, and bought me my first real toolbox when I was 5 (still in my garage, with tools in it). I was in Okinawa when he passed on, and a person I really disliked in my squadron was the one who broke the news to me. I was lucky enough to be able to come home for his funeral, but that didn't make me feel much better about the way I said goodbye the last time I saw him, 10 months before he was gone. But I realized eventually that he was OK with it, because he was proud of me being a Marine, and he wouldn't have wanted me to dwell on it too much.
    Hang in there, Steve.
     
  15. diesel4me

    diesel4me 1 ton status Premium Member

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    Sorry to hear of your loss....

    Steve--I knew your dad had passed away from your other posts that mentioned it once in a while,but I did not know it was only a year ago!--I offer my condolances and prayers to you and your family....

    I can only imagine how hard it would be to lose your dad when your that young--I was 43 when my dad passed on--he suffered a great deal ,for 10 years all he could do was lie in bed most of the time--it was difficult for him to just walk to the supper table and to the bathroom....and he was vomiting nearly every day from medication side effects...it was horrible to live here and watch him slowly get worse....I still have nighmares of the sound of him getting sick... :frown1:

    I lost my dad in april too,the 13th ,in 2000...five years ago,its hard to believe he's been gone that long--seems like the hurt never heals...his passing was the beginning of the end for me--my mom got very ill right after he died,actually she almost died first in january of 2000,but my sister and I got her to the hospital in time and she spent 4 days in intensive care,then she recovered somewhat--but she then sold the lot of land my dad wanted us to have,and has made some foolish decisions with her property and other affairs..

    This means that even if I am included in her will(which I have no clue of,and she wont discuss it)--I might get stuck with huge leins on her house,or I might just get kicked out of here--period!..so my life is over too in a way--even if I got to live here,and had a good paying job,I'll never be able to pay the leins and taxes off--my dad wanted us to have everything he never had,and busted his ass to see we did--but she took care of that as soon as he died...I'm about screwed now,thanks to her--and I have to stay here and kiss her butt,just so I have a place to live in the meantime!--I'm about ready to cut my wrists most days--but I get over it,and life goes on....

    I have developed an "I dont care" attitude!--its better than lying awake at night worrying about things you have no control over in the first place!--I was very depressed over the whole situation last winter,and my answer was to get drunk every night--but that led to more problems than ever,including the money I wasted on booze...so now I just remind myself its not MY fault,ans there isn't much I can do about it now--

    Its time to get on with MY life,and I'm not so worried about others who care more for themselves than me(like my mom and my other siblings)--I hate to be selfish,but I've learned the hard way,if you dont care for yourself,no one else will--so you have to say "me first" ,and learn not to feel guilty about it!....

    Your lucky to be young and have time on your side--I wish I was 20 years younger,starting over with nothing is a lot easier when your younger!--hang in there Steve--you'll see that your dad is watching over you,and good things will start coming your way!--it took a long time for me,but things are finally getting better for me--I got a nice car from a favorite singer of mine,and I have a new outlook,one that isn't always pessimistic and gloomy,though I do have my moments when I find it hard not to dwell on the negative things...It'll get better--just be strong,and you will see... :crazy:
     
  16. grimjaw

    grimjaw 1/2 ton status

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    My dad died 12 years ago in sept. He battled cancer for just over 3 years. The morning he died Mom called and said it was time. I jumped and drove a 100 miles to be there. He died 15 minutes after I got there. I still believe he waited for me to get there.

    My biggest regret is he did not get to meet my wife.
     
  17. 84gmcjimmy

    84gmcjimmy 1 ton status

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    Yeah, that will be my regret too when I get married and have children...he would never beable to meet them...


    Bob, sorry to hear you have so many problems, hope things work out for the better, soon!
     
  18. mrk5

    mrk5 The Sticker Guy Moderator Vendor GMOTM Winner Author

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    Steve, you are a great guy. I know your Dad must have been very proud to have you as a son. I think the person you are today speaks volumes about the kind of person/father your dad must have been.
     
  19. darkshadow

    darkshadow 1 ton status

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    hey budd i dident remember it only being a year, they way you handle yourself shows your maturity for your age. You have had a good upbringing, and it shows. I never knew my father, so i dont know the loss, but being able to look into my sons eyes and have him smiles i know he missed alot.


    your a good guy and this and your family is here for you :waytogo:
     
  20. justhorsinaround

    justhorsinaround 3/4 ton status

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    Chin up camper. I still think about my brother quite a bit and he died 19 years ago. The fact that you remember and stand up for the good in the world speaks volumes about your Dad. Keep on goin. :)
     

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