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1ST ANNUAL "DUH" AWARDS

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by shane74, Oct 10, 2002.

  1. shane74

    shane74 1/2 ton status

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    1ST ANNUAL \"DUH\" AWARDS

    1ST ANNUAL "DUH" AWARDS
    > > >
    > > > Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
    > > > Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
    > > > because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
    forever,
    > > > but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
    > > > --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
    > > >
    > > > "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
    > > > world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that,
    but not
    > > > with all those flies and death and stuff,"
    > > > -- Mariah Carey [now we know why she's such a sensitive actress]
    > > >
    > > > "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
    > > > your life,"
    > > > -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a
    > > > federal antismoking campaign.
    > > >
    > > > "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
    > > > --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
    > > >
    > > > "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
    > > > in the country."
    > > > --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. [it helps to read crime stats
    > > > when you're stoned]
    > > >
    > > > "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees,"
    > > > -- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.
    > > >
    > > > "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
    > > > and I'm just the one to do it,"
    > > > -- A congressional candidate in Texas.
    > > >
    > > > "I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from
    them.
    > > > There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the
    Indians
    > > > were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
    > > > -- John Wayne [just because they've been here 10,000 years, you'd
    think
    > > > they had rights or something]
    > > >
    > > > "Half this game is ninety percent mental."
    > > > -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark Danny was never really
    > > > good at the stats part of baseball]
    > > >
    > > > "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
    impurities
    > > > in our air and water that are doing it."
    > > > -- Al Gore, Vice President
    > > >
    > > > "If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be
    cut
    > > > right out from under your feet,"
    > > > -- Former British foreign minister, Ernest Bevin.
    > > >
    > > > "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
    > > > -- Dan Quayle [days like this....I really miss Dan]
    > > >
    > > > "It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or
    > > > another"
    > > > -- George Bush, US President
    > > >
    > > > "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
    > > > -- Lee Iacocca [not all of us can afford mink-lined oxygen masks, Lee]
    > > >
    > > > "I was provided with additional input that was radically different
    from
    > > > the truth. I assisted in furthering that version,"
    > > > -- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony. [Lied. Say it
    > > > slowly, Ollie....L-I-E-D]
    > > >
    > > > "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy
    like
    > > > Norman Einstein,"
    > > > -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
    > > >
    > > > "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
    > > > people."
    > > > -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
    > > >
    > > > "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
    > > > -- Bill Clinton, President
    > > >
    > > > "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
    > > > -- Al Gore, VP
    > > >
    > > > "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
    > > > -- Keppel Enderbery
    > > >
    > > > "The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
    > > > -- Dan Quayle
    > > >
    > > > "I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have
    > > > is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could
    > > > converse with those people."
    > > > --Dan Quayle, VP [I mean it, I really do miss him!]
    > > >
    > > > "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago!"
    > > > --Dan Quayle, VP
    > > >
    > > > "Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is
    by
    > > > itself. It is different from the other 49 states.. Well, all states
    are
    > > > different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."
    > > > -- Dan Quayle, VP [they made him swim home after that one]
    > > >
    > > > "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we
    > > > received notice that you passed away. May God bless you.
    > > > You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
    > > > --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina [right
    > > > after you call the New York Times]
    > > >
    > > > "We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated
    > > > that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force.
    > > > We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the
    > > > police farce."
    > > > --Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper
    > > >
    > > > "If somebody has a bad heart , they can plug this jack in at night as
    > they
    > > > go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And
    the
    > > > next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
    > > > -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman [and they'll cut off your food stamps]
    > > >
    > > > And below:- how stupid do manufacturers think we are!!!!
    > > >
    > > > Subject: Instructions These are Really Priceless!
    > > >
    > > > In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
    > > > stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
    > > >
    > > > On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (and that's the
    only
    > > time
    > > >
    > > > I have to work on my hair.)
    > > >
    > > > On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
    > > > Details inside." (the shoplifter special?)
    > > >
    > > > On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
    > > > would be how??...)
    > > >
    > > > On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: "Defrost."
    > > > (but, it's "just" a suggestion.)
    > > >
    > > > On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
    > > > >down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
    > > >
    > > > On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding! : "Product will be hot after
    > > > heating." (...and you thought????..)
    > > >
    > > > On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
    > > > wouldn't this save me more time?)
    > > >
    > > > On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
    > > > machinery after taking this medication." We could do a lot to
    > > > reduce the rate ofconstruction accidents if we could just get
    > > > those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
    > > >
    > > > On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking
    > > > this because???....)
    > > >
    > > > On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
    > > > (as opposed to...what?)
    > > >
    > > > On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
    (now,
    > > > somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
    > > >
    > > > On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
    > > > flash)
    > > >
    > > > On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,
    eat
    > > > nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
    > > >
    > > > On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not
    enable
    > > > you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this
    > > one.)
    > > >
    > > > On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
    > > > genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
     
  2. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Re: 1ST ANNUAL \"DUH\" AWARDS

    Thanks Shane I needed that... /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  3. tRustyK5

    tRustyK5 Big meanie Staff Member Super Moderator GMOTM Winner Author

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    Re: 1ST ANNUAL \"DUH\" AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
    "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
    &gt; &gt; &gt; genitals."

    [/ QUOTE ]

    They must grow em tough over there!!/forums/images/graemlins/pimp1.gif

    Rene
     
  4. UseYourBlinker

    UseYourBlinker 1 ton status

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    Re: 1ST ANNUAL \"DUH\" AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
    "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
    &gt; &gt; &gt; -- Dan Quayle

    [/ QUOTE ]

    LOL!


    </font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
    On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."

    [/ QUOTE ]

    /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  5. jackedjimmy350

    jackedjimmy350 1/2 ton status

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    Re: 1ST ANNUAL \"DUH\" AWARDS

    lmfao /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif. i love dan quayle.
     
  6. Goober

    Goober 1/2 ton status

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    Re: 1ST ANNUAL \"DUH\" AWARDS

    HOOO HOOO HOO HAA HAA HEEEEEEE HEE HEE ....... ooops.


    Thanks alot!


    Now, where did I put those clean undies.
     
  7. Blaze

    Blaze 1/2 ton status

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    Re: 1ST ANNUAL \"DUH\" AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
    On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Haha, my old boss's wife actually did this! She was as dumb as he was!
     
  8. mudhog

    mudhog THEGAME Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Re: 1ST ANNUAL \"DUH\" AWARDS

    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/pimp1.gif /forums/images/graemlins/pimp1.gif /forums/images/graemlins/pimp1.gif
     
  9. NoAngel

    NoAngel 1/2 ton status

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    Re: 1ST ANNUAL \"DUH\" AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
    Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that,
    but not with all those flies and death and stuff,"
    -- Mariah Carey

    [/ QUOTE ]

    And your career is in the toilet because...??
    What a clueless nitwit! /forums/images/graemlins/eek.gif
     
  10. k5ntexas

    k5ntexas 1/2 ton status

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    Re: 1ST ANNUAL \"DUH\" AWARDS

    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif hahaha all of those are too damn funny. lol. later.

    jacob
     

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