Dismiss Notice

Welcome To CK5!

Registering is free and easy! Hope to see you on the forums soon.

Score a FREE t-shirt and membership sticker when you sign up for a Premium Membership and choose the recurring plan.

2004 Darwin Awards

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Capman2k, Aug 12, 2004.

  1. Capman2k

    Capman2k 3/4 ton status

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2001
    Posts:
    5,070
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    dg
    Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual honour given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

    And the nominees this year in reverse order are.....

    7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

    6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was aproximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearin g a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward. (Damn it...I want pictures!!!)

    5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreakage with their pants around their ankles.

    4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County polic e said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

    3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

    2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

    AND THE WINNER OF THE 2004 DARWIN AWARD SHOULD BE....

    Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the b all washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to le ave the course. NOTE: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.
     
  2. 83ZZ502_Jimmy

    83ZZ502_Jimmy 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2001
    Posts:
    3,103
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Richmond, VA
    /forums/images/graemlins/screwy.gif /forums/images/graemlins/screwy.gif /forums/images/graemlins/screwy.gif
     
  3. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2000
    Posts:
    38,584
    Likes Received:
    266
    Location:
    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    /forums/images/graemlins/hack.gif /forums/images/graemlins/doah.gif
     
  4. sled_dog

    sled_dog 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2002
    Posts:
    16,870
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    he still has one ball, thats one too many.
     
  5. Goober

    Goober 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2002
    Posts:
    2,222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Mayberry (Auburn, WA)
    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif


    [ QUOTE ]
    A young Canadian man .....

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Isn't that the first line of most of the candidates?
    /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif





    /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
     
  6. spearchucker

    spearchucker 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2003
    Posts:
    1,556
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay area, CA
    [ QUOTE ]
    he still has one ball

    [/ QUOTE ]
    You made me read that a second time and I felt even more pain this time. /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif
    One was yanked from him, the other one was crushed. You can still reproduce with one, which would mean he wouldn't qualify for the award. Please don't make me read that again. /forums/images/graemlins/deal.gif
     
  7. darkshadow

    darkshadow 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Posts:
    12,250
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    C-eh-N-eh-D-eh
    [ QUOTE ]
    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif


    [ QUOTE ]
    A young Canadian man .....

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Isn't that the first line of most of the candidates?
    /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif





    /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]


    no go read one of the books there is way more dumb red neck ones that borde canucks /forums/images/graemlins/woot.gif
     
  8. sled_dog

    sled_dog 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2002
    Posts:
    16,870
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    [ QUOTE ]
    [ QUOTE ]
    he still has one ball

    [/ QUOTE ]
    You made me read that a second time and I felt even more pain this time. /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif
    One was yanked from him, the other one was crushed. You can still reproduce with one, which would mean he wouldn't qualify for the award. Please don't make me read that again. /forums/images/graemlins/deal.gif

    [/ QUOTE ] I will take your word on it I don't want to read it again /forums/images/graemlins/ignore.gif I saw something about it getting crushed I thought that was the one that got ripped out...
     
  9. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2000
    Posts:
    38,584
    Likes Received:
    266
    Location:
    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    A double reply, does that mean you can reproduce???? /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/doah.gif
     
  10. Jeremy_C

    Jeremy_C 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2002
    Posts:
    1,381
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    East TN
    Thats a new kind of hurt right there.............. /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif
     
  11. 84gmcjimmy

    84gmcjimmy 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2003
    Posts:
    12,838
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    B.C. CANADA
    yikes! some of those are pretty weird /forums/images/graemlins/screwy.gif
     
  12. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2003
    Posts:
    3,164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SLC UT
    WTF?? /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gifschool girl outfit , gas mask, with air hose stuck in a$$ that's probably one of the worst, right there! the dude died, with his last breath being his own flatulance! /forums/images/graemlins/screwy.gif /forums/images/graemlins/screwy.gifICK!!!
     
  13. boggerless

    boggerless 1 ton status Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2003
    Posts:
    22,728
    Likes Received:
    96
    Location:
    dearborn heights, Michigan
    i thought the same thing. /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif where did you find this? /forums/images/graemlins/k5.gifto /forums/images/graemlins/truck.gif
     
  14. Capman2k

    Capman2k 3/4 ton status

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2001
    Posts:
    5,070
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    dg
    www.kontraband.com heck yeah /forums/images/graemlins/peace.gif /forums/images/graemlins/peace.gif /forums/images/graemlins/peace.gif
     
  15. boggerless

    boggerless 1 ton status Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2003
    Posts:
    22,728
    Likes Received:
    96
    Location:
    dearborn heights, Michigan
    thanks bro /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/k5.gifto /forums/images/graemlins/truck.gif
     
  16. mtn. burb

    mtn. burb 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Posts:
    1,260
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Ojai Calif.
    [ QUOTE ]
    [ QUOTE ]
    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif


    [ QUOTE ]
    A young Canadian man .....

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Isn't that the first line of most of the candidates?
    /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif





    /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]


    no go read one of the books there is way more dumb red neck ones that borde canucks /forums/images/graemlins/woot.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Last words of a redneck? hey y'all watch me do this!!!
     

Share This Page