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27 of them

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Z3PR, Sep 23, 2002.

  1. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

    Mar 30, 2002
    Likes Received:
    1. Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get
    into my own pants.

    2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood
    alcohol content.

    3. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a

    4. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on
    it...so I said "Implants?"

    5. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same
    effect just standing up fast.

    6. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one

    7. I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me

    8. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery
    easier to live with.

    9. I got a sweater for Christmas...I really wanted a
    screamer or a moaner.

    10. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the

    11. I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many
    of them get elected.

    12. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has
    absolutely no trade-in value.

    13. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and

    14. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you
    tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand
    grenades...now THAT'S a message!

    15. I love being married. It's so great to find that one
    special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

    16. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the
    bowling alley.

    17. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am

    18. I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's
    been giving me lately!

    19. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of
    consecutive days I've stayed alive.

    20. Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by
    just one busted

    21. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so
    many dead rabbits on the highway?

    22. Welcome to Sh!t Creek -- Sorry, We're Out of Paddles !

    23. How come we choose from just two people to run for
    president and 50 for Miss America?

    24. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like
    having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

    25. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to
    see naked?

    26. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

    27. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's
    wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

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