I'm glad I'm a Man because: 1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. 2. Your orgasms are real..... Always. 3. Your last name stays put. 4. The garage is all yours. 5. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid. 7. Car mechanics tell you the truth. 8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. 9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. 10. Same work .. more pay. 11. Wrinkles-add character. 12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. 13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. 14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. 15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. 16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 17. One mood, ALL the damn time. 18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds. 19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase. 20. You can open all your own jars. 21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. 23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. 24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. 25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. 26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me." 27. No maxi-pads. 28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. 29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. 30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes. 32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. 33. Your belly usually hides your big hips. 34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. 35. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. 36. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes. 37. The world is your urinal. 38. You understand why The Three Stooges are funny. 39. You know stuff about tanks. 40. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 41. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives. 42. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. 43. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind. 44. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying. 45. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go. 46. Movie nudity is always female. 47. You can go to the bathroom without a support group. 48. You can leave the hotel bed unmade. 49. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you. 50. You can kill your own food. 51. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment. 52. Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow. 53. You never have to clean a toilet. 54. Sex means never worrying about your reputation. 55. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. 56. You don't have to shave below your neck. 57. None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry. 58. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night. 59. You can write your name in the snow. 60. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest. 61. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color. 62. Chocolate is just another snack. 63. You can be president. (In this lifetime.) 64. Flowers fix everything. 65. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours. 66. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. 67. You can eat a banana in a hardware store. 68. You can say anything ("Wow, do my balls hurt!") and not worry about what people will think. 69. Foreplay is optional. 70. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe. 71. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room. 72. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day. 73. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by. 74. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you. 75. You get to jump up and slap stuff. 76. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him. 77. You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too sleezy 78. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle. 79. You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing. 80. You don't care if someone's talking about you behind you back. 81. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory. 82. You don't mooch off others' desserts. 83. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. 84. Bachelor parties kick ass over bridal showers. 85. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother. 86. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked. 87. You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom. 88. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed. 89. Someday you'll be a dirty old man. 90. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it." 91. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. 92. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not funny. 93. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room. 94. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind. 95. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries. 96. Not liking a person doesn't preclude having great sex with them. 97. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?" 98. There's always a game on somewhere.