A few funnys for y\'all One night, at closing time. The first patron out of the door staggers to a nearby car and tries to unlock the door with his keys. Unable to open the door, he tries another car, again with no success. He then staggers across the parking lot to his own car, and sits down inside. Meanwhile, the other bar patrons file quietly to their cars. The first guy out starts waving and singing and saying goodnight to the other patrons. Finally, after all of the other patrons had left, he gets in his car and starts it up. Before he even gets the car in gear, the Policeman turns on his lights and pulls beside him. The officer says, 'Get out of your car, I'm giving you a breathalyzer test.' The patron agrees, and blows into the testing device. The Officer checks the reading, and it is 0.0. The patron then says that he had not been drinking that evening. Confused, the officer asks him why he was staggering through out the parking lot, seemingly inebriated. The patron explained simply, 'I'm the designated decoy.' * * * A little boy was staying at his grandmothers house. In the morning, his grandmother was about to take a shower and the boy asked if he could take a shower with her. She said yes and when they got in the shower, the little boy pointed to his granny's privates and asked her what 'it' was. "Oh, that is just my Beaver,' she replied back. Satisfied with the answer, he just replied, "Oh." Later that week, back at his house the little boy's mother was about to take a shower. He asked if he could get into the shower with her. His mother said yes and this time he points to his mother's privates and asks, "What is that, mommy?" His mother, a little embarrassed, replies, "Why, that's my Beaver, honey. Why do you ask?" "Well.." says the young boy, "Grandma has a Beaver too, but I think it's dead, because its tongue is hanging out." * * * Little Johnny is sitting in the local park. Along comes Suzy chomping on her piece of gum. "Hey Johnny, want to play doctor?" Johnny exclaims, "Nah, that's too old-fashioned. Spit out your gum, I want to play President." * * * A man walks into a bar and sits down for a drink. A pianist is playing, and he's playing an absolutely enchanting tune. The man goes up to him and asks what it's called. He replies, "It's called 'Last night I shagged my bird up the arse and came all over her tits.'" The man is a bit taken aback by this and asks why it has such an obscene title. "Well," says the pianist, "all my songs have sexual names - it gives me inspiration". The man says, "I'm having a dinner party next week. Would you come and play for me?" The pianist agrees and duly arrives the following week. He starts playing and he's absolutely dreadful. The man asks him why he's playing so badly. "I'm lacking inspiration. What I need is to go and have a bloody good wank, then I'll be OK." The man says, "Alright, go upstairs to the bedroom. There are some magazines in the top drawer so you can sort yourself out." Off he goes, and when he comes back, he's playing like a dream. A woman comes up and asks, "Do you know your cock's hanging out and there's spunk dribbling down the front of your trousers?" "Know it!" he cried, "I fawking wrote it!"