"Car Trouble" A blonde was trying to sell her old car, and wasn't having much luck, since the car had 250,000 miles on it. She was telling her problem to a friend at work one day, and the friend told her, "Well, there is something you could do to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "I don't care," the blonde replied, "So long as I can sell the car." "Okay, here's what you do," said the friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine who owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will 'fix it'. Then it shouldn't be so much of a problem to sell the car." The blonde went to the mechanic the next night and got the car 'fixed'. A couple weeks later, the friend asked the blonde, "So, did you sell your car?" "No," the blonde replied, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!" ____________________________________ The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop. A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck. "Good lord, mister," he gasped, "are you drunk?" "Of course," said the man, brushing the dirt from his suit. "What the hell do you think I am -- a [censored] stunt driver?" _____________________________________ A helicopter was flying around, above Seattle, when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said, 'WHERE AM I?' in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it up to the window. Their sign said, 'YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.' The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC Airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it. "I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer."