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A$$hole ......................long but worth it

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by 99firehawk, Feb 19, 2004.

  1. 99firehawk

    99firehawk 1/2 ton status

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    For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know--take it out on someone you don't know.

    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

    I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her. (I had switched the last two digits of her phone number.) After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

    When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an [darn]!" and hung up.

    I wrote his number down, with the word '[darn]' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an [darn]!" It always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic '[darn]' calling would have to stop.

    I didn't want that to happen, so I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the caller ID program?" he yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an [darn]!"

    So, one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had been patiently waiting for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.

    A couple of days later, right after calling the first [darn] (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW [darn], too.

    I dialed and someone said, "Hello?"
    I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
    "Yes it is."
    "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
    "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street."
    "It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."
    "What's your name?" I asked.
    "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
    "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
    "I'm home every evening after five."
    "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
    "Yes?"
    "Don, you're an [darn]!"
    Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

    But, after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.

    So, I came up with an idea: I called [darn] #1.
    I said, "Hello, you're an [darn]!" (but I didn't hang up).
    "Are you still there?" he asked.
    "Yeah," I said.
    "Stop calling me," he screamed.
    "Make me," I said.
    "Who are you?" he asked.
    "My name is Don Hansen."
    "Yeah? Where do you live?"
    "[darn], I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with my black BMW out front."
    He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
    I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, [darn]," and hung up.

    Then, I called [darn] #2:
    "Hello?" he said.
    "Hello [darn]," I said.
    He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
    "You'll what?" I said.
    "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
    I answered, "Well, [darn], here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
    Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

    Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. I got into my car and headed over to 34th St.

    There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

    Now I feel better.
     
  2. pauly383

    pauly383 Daddy383 Staff Member Moderator

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    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif I'm going to go to sleep happy and relaxed now. That was too funny /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  3. hi pinion

    hi pinion 3/4 ton status

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    Thats........ ingenious..completely!!! /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gifhp
     
  4. mudhog

    mudhog THEGAME Staff Member Super Moderator

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    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  5. 4xrick

    4xrick 1/2 ton status

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    man that is some crazy $hit how did you come up with that idea? you must have alot of free time on your hands /forums/images/graemlins/peace.gif /forums/images/graemlins/peace.gif but it sure mad me laugh
     
  6. mudjunkie 82

    mudjunkie 82 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/woot.gif /forums/images/graemlins/woot.gif /forums/images/graemlins/woot.gif
     
  7. JK5

    JK5 1/2 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    LOL..I've heard that story a couple times..
    It's still funny as hell!!! /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  8. Stickseler

    Stickseler 3/4 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  9. Muddytazz

    Muddytazz 1 ton status

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  10. 99firehawk

    99firehawk 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    man that is some crazy $hit how did you come up with that idea? you must have alot of free time on your hands /forums/images/graemlins/peace.gif /forums/images/graemlins/peace.gif but it sure mad me laugh

    [/ QUOTE ]

    I didnt do this just something I got from a guy at work who said when he read it he pictured me doing it /forums/images/graemlins/thinking.gif so becarefull who you piss off.
     
  11. supersize75k5

    supersize75k5 OrganDonorRacing.com

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    that just made me forget about my hand I hit with a 10 pound hammer lastnight /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif

    funny as hell..I am still laughing /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  12. Muley

    Muley 1/2 ton status

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    Oh My crap that is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. My eyes are watering and my side hurts. I think I just pee'd my pants too. /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  13. nc87k5

    nc87k5 3/4 ton status

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    CAN'T BREATHE!!!!!!





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  14. boggerless

    boggerless 1 ton status Premium Member

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    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/k5.gifto /forums/images/graemlins/truck.gif
     
  15. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif I picture Kevin Spacey's voice narrating that for some reason....
     
  16. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    Just now had time to read it, thats pretty good.... /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif
     

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