An Engineer's Christmas

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by newyorkin, Dec 13, 2002.

1. newyorkin1 ton status

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An Engineer\'s Christmas

Someone posted this on a message list for my company, I thought it was pretty friggin funny...

A little holiday perspective....
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the
world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu,
Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the
Workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million
(according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census)
rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes,
presuming there
is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the
different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west
(which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to
say
that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around
1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney,
fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat
whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump
into the sleigh and get onto the next house. Assuming that each of these
108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course,
we
know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations),
we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5
million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's
sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound.
For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses
space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional
reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO Set (two pounds),
the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not Counting Santa himself.
On
land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even
granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount,
the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need
360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of
the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of
the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a
spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short,
they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer
behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire
reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or
right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating
from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to
acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems
ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015
pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing
him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's

Merry Christmas!!!!!

2. chevyfumesCourt jester

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Watch for the muzzleflash!
Re: An Engineer\'s Christmas

/forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif

3. milspecjimmy1/2 ton status

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Re: An Engineer\'s Christmas

ditto. /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif

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Re: An Engineer\'s Christmas

So that explains why the fat bastard quit showing up at my folks house when I was younger!!! /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif

5. heavy4x41/2 ton status

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Re: An Engineer\'s Christmas

What are you saying??? Are you saying Santa isn't real /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif