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An Engineer's Christmas

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by newyorkin, Dec 13, 2002.

  1. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

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    An Engineer\'s Christmas

    Someone posted this on a message list for my company, I thought it was pretty friggin funny...


    A little holiday perspective....
    There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the
    world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu,
    Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the
    Workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million
    (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census)
    rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes,
    presuming there
    is at least one good child in each.


    Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the
    different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west
    (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to
    say
    that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around
    1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney,
    fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat
    whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump
    into the sleigh and get onto the next house. Assuming that each of these
    108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course,
    we
    know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations),
    we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5
    million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's
    sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound.
    For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses
    space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional
    reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.


    The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that
    each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO Set (two pounds),
    the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not Counting Santa himself.
    On
    land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even
    granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount,
    the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need
    360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of
    the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of
    the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).


    600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
    resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a
    spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
    would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short,
    they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer
    behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire
    reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or
    right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.


    Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating
    from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to
    acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems
    ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015
    pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing
    him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's
    dead now.


    Merry Christmas!!!!!
     
  2. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    Re: An Engineer\'s Christmas

    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  3. milspecjimmy

    milspecjimmy 1/2 ton status

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    Re: An Engineer\'s Christmas

    ditto. /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  4. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

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    Re: An Engineer\'s Christmas

    So that explains why the fat bastard quit showing up at my folks house when I was younger!!! /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  5. heavy4x4

    heavy4x4 1/2 ton status

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    Re: An Engineer\'s Christmas

    What are you saying??? Are you saying Santa isn't real /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif
     

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