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apparently pringles fat free are no good

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by gjk5, Aug 29, 2006.

  1. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    made me laugh my ass off

    http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/182862349.html

    DO NOT EAT PRINGLES FAT FREE POTATO CHIPS. THEY WILL GREASE YOUR ASS.

    Date: 2006-07-17, 2:10AM PDT


    Don't even ****ing say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat.

    I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the ****.

    The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont ****ing tell you...

    Except in tiny print you cant read without a ****ing electron microscope

    ...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."

    Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding.

    So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.

    Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes ****ting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the ****?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?

    So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You ****ing Pringle bastards.

    I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.

    The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole ****ing roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So.

    I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean.

    That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so ****ing foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage.

    So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.

    You ****ing Pringle bastards.

    The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the ****ing grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that **** again.

    ****ing Pringle bastards.

    This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. **** Pringles.
     
  2. kyser_soze

    kyser_soze 1/2 ton status

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    That is some funny shat!:haha: :haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  3. sledheadak

    sledheadak 1/2 ton status GMOTM Winner

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  4. IGOR

    IGOR 1/2 ton status Premium Member

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    That is awesome - that one is getting forwarded!
     
  5. big dan

    big dan 1/2 ton status Premium Member

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    good god everyone in this room im in thinks Im crazy now cause I was laughing so hard I started crying.:haha: :bow: :haha:
     
  6. MTMike

    MTMike 1/2 ton status

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    :haha::haha::haha::haha::haha::haha:

    Thanks! I havn't laughed that hard in weeks :bow:
     
  7. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

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    Don't eat the fat-free ones anymore.

    I think Lays Stax are better than Pringles.
     
  8. Corey 78K5

    Corey 78K5 1 ton status

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    Back when Pepsi used to use nutra-sweet in their diet cola it would give me the worst farts I ever had and they were huge:wink1: :D
     
  9. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

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    I can go eat at McDonalds or Pizza Hut and eat whatever and top it off with a Coke or Mt. Dew and then 15 minutes later, you will find me sitting on the sh-tter blowing chunks out all over.
    Don't know if its the pop, the food or literally, both. :doah: :haha:
     
  10. MTMike

    MTMike 1/2 ton status

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    I had the same problem even with Iced tea - it turns out it was the caffeine was causing it.
     
  11. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

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    I had a similar experience with Carb Solutions low carb mint chocolate chip ice cream. I'm thinking it was the Splenda that did me in, but I'm not sure. I'm a glutton when it comes to mint chocolate ice cream. So, one day while on my low carb diet, I buy a big carton of Carb Solutions mint chocolate chip ice cream. Of course I can't resist once I get to eating it, but hey, it's low carb after all. In no time I'm polishing off the whole container. No sweat, it's low carb. About an hour later, I start developing the most violent farts I've ever had. We are talking sphincter tearing, lion roaring, M-80 in a tuba earth shattering farts. They were actually painful. Then about an hour after that, it turns to gut wrenching violent diarrhea. We aren't just talking the runs here. We are talking projectile Hershey squirts in large volume that would rival a firetruck hosing down a vehicle fire on the side of the highway. Of course the trots were still accompanied by the gargantuan gas bombs that came like clockwork in between the rocky mountain quick step episodes. This lasted for about half a day before I was nearly dehydrated and felt like I'd done 6,000 situps with Rosie O'Donnell sitting on my chest. I swore off Carb Solutions ice cream and just figured I'd eat the good stuff, but more sparingly in the future.
     
  12. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

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    Nice. I tried to picture all that in my head even as pretty as it wasn't, I still got a headache.
     
  13. Cricket

    Cricket 3/4 ton status

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  14. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

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    "Olestra causes gastrointestinal disturbances, which are sometimes severe, including diarrhea, fecal urgency, and more frequent and looser bowel movements."

    Well, there you go. My Carb Solutions ice cream must have had Olestra in it...... but my favorite from that site was:

    "Olestra sometimes causes underwear staining associated with "anal leakage."" Now there is a visual that you won't soon erase...
     
  15. 78Suburban

    78Suburban 1/2 ton status

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    This is probably the first thread that I've read that made me laugh so hard I got a tear in my eye :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :bow: FU(KIN Pringles!! :haha:
     
  16. docgab

    docgab 1/2 ton status Premium Member

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    Yup. Learned about this stuff in school. The official term we were given for it is "Olestra Induced Anal Leakage". Purty eh?
     
  17. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

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  18. diesel4me

    diesel4me 1 ton status Premium Member

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    I was bored and...

    I was reading that "Best Of Craigslist" until 3 am the other night!--and read that one about the Pringles --listed under "Ass Gease!"..:haha: --but its true,I get the same thing when I eat them,and Fritos too..:doah: :mad:

    I saw many hilarious posts and rants there!..one about woman instructing others how to blow a guy properly,another primer on "proper" anal sex with your woman,and countless others about the bus ride home from work,people in traffic,others bad habits,pets,etc..I was laughing my ass off!..:p:
     
  19. lamberthkp

    lamberthkp SITFU Premium Member

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    oh shat!! iv been eating them things too.....
     
  20. jekquistk5

    jekquistk5 Weld nekid Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    oh shart is more like it
     

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