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Bad Jokes

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Resurrection_Joe, Jan 6, 2007.

  1. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Q: What word has the most letters in it?

    A: Mailbox
     
  2. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Q: What's the most satisfying spice?

    A: Cumin
     
  3. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Hear about that guy who bought a pack of AA Duracells and a can of Lawry's at the grocery store on credit? He got arrested!

    Charged him with a salt and battery
     
  4. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Hear about Bob? He was down at the Cenex station filling up his car. He spilled some gasoline all over. He got the pump shut off, but his whole left side was covered in gas. He went in to report it to the cleark, but a man who was smoking passed by and his body caught on fire! He flailed around and hit some guy in the head with his elbow knocking him out! He finally got put out by a guy with an extinguisher, but then the police came and arrested him.

    Yeah, charged him with assault with a fire arm.
     
  5. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Q: What's green and flies through the air?

    A: Super pickle!
     
  6. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Q: What's green and sings rock and roll?

    A: Elvis Parsely
     
  7. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Q: Why is a pool table green?

    A: You'd be green too is someone racked your balls!
     
  8. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Q: Why is a firetruck red?

    A: You'd be red too is someone yanked on your hose!
     
  9. Can Can

    Can Can Pusher Man Staff Member Super Moderator

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    A mushroom walks into a bar.

    The bartender says "Hey, get out of here. We don't serve your kind!!!"

    The mushroom looks up at him sadly and says "Why not? I'm a fun guy."
     
  10. beater_k20

    beater_k20 Banned

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    :throws tomatoes:
     
  11. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Five guys are stranded in the woods. After three days of starving and hiking, they come upon a house. Leery of the dangers of approaching such a solitary and run down looking dwelling, the drew straws and decided to go in one by one.

    The first man goes into the house. The only thing in the house is a filthy matress with a naked, five hundred pound, filthy women on it, surrounded by a pile of fresh picked sweet corn.

    The first man begs for some food. The woman says, "I'll give you all the corn you want, if you'll have sex with me."

    The man is disgusted, but agrees, because he is starving on the condition that she close here eyes while she does it.

    So, when the time comes, he grabs an ear of corn and gets the job done, The smell is awful, and the woman had not bathed in months, it seems.

    When he was done, she sighs contentedly. He is so disgusted, he throws the corn out the window and runs off to meet the second man in line.

    He tells him what happened, and hopes the second man can stomach the encounter long enough to get some corn.

    The second man walks in, and the exact same situation happens. He uses the corn, is revolted, throws the corn out the window, and leaves.

    The same thing happens to the third and forth guy.

    In the end, they desperately search for the fifth man, who is missing, for he is thier final hope for food.

    After a bit of searching, they find him sitting in the back of the house.

    He looks at the four men, who are dispondant and weary, wipes something from his lips and gleefully says

    "Hey guys, I dunno what's going on, but I had some luck! I walked around to the back of the house, and there's four fresh cobs af buttery corn sitting right here for anyone to eat!"
     
  12. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    A horse walks into a bar

    Bartended looks up at him and says

    "Why the long face?"
     
  13. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    A priest and indian, and a rabbi walk into a bar

    The bartender looks up and says "Hey, what is this, some sort of a joke?"
     
  14. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Three guys walk into a bar.

    Fourth guy ducks.
     
  15. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    A duck walks into a bar, heads up to the bar, and orders a beer. He says to the bartender "My name is Huey. I'm so happy and gay, I've just been in and out of puddles all day!"

    A second duck walks into a bar, heads up to the bar, and orders a beer. He says to the bartender "My name is Dewey. I'm so happy and gay, I've just been in and out of puddles all day!"

    A third duck staggers into a bar, heads up to the bar, and orders three fingers of scotch. The bartender says "Lemme, guss, your name is Louy, and you're just happy and gay because..."

    The third duck intterupts

    "NO ASSHOLE! I'M PUDDLES!"
     
  16. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    How may flys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Just two, but you have to get them in thier first.
     
  17. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    How many mods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    One, he just holds the lightbulb up to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him!
     
  18. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Jesus Christ walks into an inn.......
     
  19. Corey 78K5

    Corey 78K5 1 ton status

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    Hear about the two gay Irishman.........
    Patrick Fitsgerald and Gerald Fitspatrick
     
  20. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    A blonde and a redhead are standing in an elevator with a very handsome man.

    The redhead whispers to the blonde "This guy is so handsome and muscular, it's too bad he has such bad dandruff...."

    The blonde whispers "Yeahh, that is too bad"

    The redhead whispers "Hey, anyway, I have an idea, let's give him some head and shoulders!"

    The blonde whispers back "Ok, but how do we give him shoulders?
     

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