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Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Resurrection_Joe, Jan 6, 2007.
Q: What word has the most letters in it?
Q: What's the most satisfying spice?
Hear about that guy who bought a pack of AA Duracells and a can of Lawry's at the grocery store on credit? He got arrested!
Charged him with a salt and battery
Hear about Bob? He was down at the Cenex station filling up his car. He spilled some gasoline all over. He got the pump shut off, but his whole left side was covered in gas. He went in to report it to the cleark, but a man who was smoking passed by and his body caught on fire! He flailed around and hit some guy in the head with his elbow knocking him out! He finally got put out by a guy with an extinguisher, but then the police came and arrested him.
Yeah, charged him with assault with a fire arm.
Q: What's green and flies through the air?
A: Super pickle!
Q: What's green and sings rock and roll?
A: Elvis Parsely
Q: Why is a pool table green?
A: You'd be green too is someone racked your balls!
Q: Why is a firetruck red?
A: You'd be red too is someone yanked on your hose!
A mushroom walks into a bar.
The bartender says "Hey, get out of here. We don't serve your kind!!!"
The mushroom looks up at him sadly and says "Why not? I'm a fun guy."
Five guys are stranded in the woods. After three days of starving and hiking, they come upon a house. Leery of the dangers of approaching such a solitary and run down looking dwelling, the drew straws and decided to go in one by one.
The first man goes into the house. The only thing in the house is a filthy matress with a naked, five hundred pound, filthy women on it, surrounded by a pile of fresh picked sweet corn.
The first man begs for some food. The woman says, "I'll give you all the corn you want, if you'll have sex with me."
The man is disgusted, but agrees, because he is starving on the condition that she close here eyes while she does it.
So, when the time comes, he grabs an ear of corn and gets the job done, The smell is awful, and the woman had not bathed in months, it seems.
When he was done, she sighs contentedly. He is so disgusted, he throws the corn out the window and runs off to meet the second man in line.
He tells him what happened, and hopes the second man can stomach the encounter long enough to get some corn.
The second man walks in, and the exact same situation happens. He uses the corn, is revolted, throws the corn out the window, and leaves.
The same thing happens to the third and forth guy.
In the end, they desperately search for the fifth man, who is missing, for he is thier final hope for food.
After a bit of searching, they find him sitting in the back of the house.
He looks at the four men, who are dispondant and weary, wipes something from his lips and gleefully says
"Hey guys, I dunno what's going on, but I had some luck! I walked around to the back of the house, and there's four fresh cobs af buttery corn sitting right here for anyone to eat!"
A horse walks into a bar
Bartended looks up at him and says
"Why the long face?"
A priest and indian, and a rabbi walk into a bar
The bartender looks up and says "Hey, what is this, some sort of a joke?"
Three guys walk into a bar.
Fourth guy ducks.
A duck walks into a bar, heads up to the bar, and orders a beer. He says to the bartender "My name is Huey. I'm so happy and gay, I've just been in and out of puddles all day!"
A second duck walks into a bar, heads up to the bar, and orders a beer. He says to the bartender "My name is Dewey. I'm so happy and gay, I've just been in and out of puddles all day!"
A third duck staggers into a bar, heads up to the bar, and orders three fingers of scotch. The bartender says "Lemme, guss, your name is Louy, and you're just happy and gay because..."
The third duck intterupts
"NO ASSHOLE! I'M PUDDLES!"
How may flys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, but you have to get them in thier first.
How many mods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, he just holds the lightbulb up to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him!
Jesus Christ walks into an inn.......
Hear about the two gay Irishman.........
Patrick Fitsgerald and Gerald Fitspatrick
A blonde and a redhead are standing in an elevator with a very handsome man.
The redhead whispers to the blonde "This guy is so handsome and muscular, it's too bad he has such bad dandruff...."
The blonde whispers "Yeahh, that is too bad"
The redhead whispers "Hey, anyway, I have an idea, let's give him some head and shoulders!"
The blonde whispers back "Ok, but how do we give him shoulders?
Separate names with a comma.