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Because I'm a man. It may somehow offend someone.

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Dieselmh, Jan 21, 2002.

  1. Dieselmh

    Dieselmh 1/2 ton status

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    Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    This may offend you if you are overly sensitive, female, male, hermaphodite, reptilian, an alcoholic, drug addict, white, black, hispanic, italian, czech, russian, australian, or if you're just a pansy. So be forewarned.

    Because I'm a man......


    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes
    hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after
    hypothermia has set in.


    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and
    stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up,
    one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now
    with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
    We will then drink beer.


    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and
    take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so
    for you this isn't an issue.


    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
    store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin"
    or "tofu" For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any
    circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene
    product" is a euphemism.


    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist
    on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much
    once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.


    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
    while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show
    looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).


    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
    The answer is always either sex, cars, or food, though I have to make up
    something else when you ask, so don't.


    Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother
    come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more
    than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay, I don't
    need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mom too!


    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
    are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.


    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what
    you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
    With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
    Can we just go now?


    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the 21st century, I will share equally
    in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the
    cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.

    Because I'm a man......



    Diesel

    Shouldn't it be called uncommon sense?
     
  2. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Re: Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    LMFAO, good one!!!

    <font color=blue> I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy!
     
  3. MT ZION

    MT ZION Registered Member

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    Re: Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    You must be a lonely man with those issues.
     
  4. NoAngel

    NoAngel 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    Because I am a woman:
    I can recognize a vacuous, insipid man and leave him in the dust without batting an eyelash.
    Because I am a woman:
    I actually know what vacuous and insipid mean.
    Because I am woman:
    I can say "It's 50-50 or don't let the door hit ya, where the good lord split ya!"

    <font color=purple>Michelle~</font color=purple>

    Some mornings it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
     
  5. Chaz316

    Chaz316 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    I am a man, and yes I pay for everything and no just because you drive it does not make it yours.

    Of course I still do dishes and laundry on occasion and 50-50 is a pipe dream. I'd be happy with 85-15.

    Vacuous and Insipid? Is that Latin? LOL


    This is as serious as midget wrestling.......

    "If it aint broke don't fix it" is like a 4 letter word.
    <a target="_blank" href=http://www.phatboy.alloffroad.com>PhatBoy.AllOffRoad.com </a>

    Charlie
     
  6. shaggyk5

    shaggyk5 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    I am a man, and because i am a man, I .....OOOOh !!! Look! theres a picture of cheese by your name!


    mmmmm. Cheese.


    What were we talking about?

    -matt
    <font color=purple> "Stuff's only good for 2 things, degreasing engines and killing brain cells"</font color=purple>
    <a target="_blank" href=http://www.geocities.com/shaggyk5>www.geocities.com/shaggyk5</a>
     
  7. NoAngel

    NoAngel 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    That's too funny![​IMG] Glad to see someone hasn't lost his sense of humor!

    <font color=purple>Michelle~</font color=purple>

    Some mornings it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
     
  8. UseYourBlinker

    UseYourBlinker 1 ton status

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    Re: Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    LOL...

    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]



    Eric
    from Freekmont,CA.

    <a target="_blank" href=http://www.community.webshots.com/user/vwryda>The darker side of nonsense...</a>
     
  9. StoneyK5

    StoneyK5 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    Too true! [​IMG]

    83K5 Silverado
    What was that bump?
     
  10. MT ZION

    MT ZION Registered Member

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    Re: Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    You must be a very lonely man!
     
  11. Dieselmh

    Dieselmh 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    I hope everyone realizes that I got that off of an email. I didn't make it up myself, just thought it was funny enough to pass along.

    Diesel

    Shouldn't it be called uncommon sense?
     
  12. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Re: Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    Good thing because apparently someone thinks your a very lonely man from it[​IMG]

    <font color=blue> I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy!
     
  13. NoAngel

    NoAngel 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    Ditto for my sarcasm, just having a little fun!

    <font color=purple>Michelle~</font color=purple>

    Some mornings it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
     
  14. Donna

    Donna 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    LMAO!!!!!! No Angel...I like this one! ! ! ! What do ya think?

    Because I am a woman....I make the rules!!!You follow my rules...we will get along just fine. LOL!!!!!

    <font color=purple>If you want life to run smoothly...You must grease it with some ATTITUDE!!!!</font color=purple>
     
  15. Donna

    Donna 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    Because I am a woman...

    I will be the smart one to stop and ask for directions when you as the man get us so lost that you can't find your way out of a wet paper bag with holes in it.


    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry guy's!!!!!!!!!!! Just havin a little fun. It's been a LLLOOONNNGGG day!!!!

    <font color=purple>If you want life to run smoothly...You must grease it with some ATTITUDE!!!!</font color=purple>
     
  16. NoAngel

    NoAngel 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    Thanks, I needed that! BTW it's true![​IMG]

    <font color=purple>Michelle~</font color=purple>

    I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, the sinners are much more fun!
     
  17. Chaz316

    Chaz316 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Because I\'m a man. It may somehow offend someone.

    Because I am a Man....

    I have never been lost, I just took the scenic route.

    Because I am a Man....

    I lift the seat you lower the seat...

    Because I am a Man...

    When you ask me what Im thinking and I say "nothing" then I am just being honest.

    Because I am a man...

    I will go get the mail in my boxers even if it is 2o'clock in the afternoon and no I do not care what the neighbors think.

    "If it aint broke don't fix it" is like a 4 letter word.
    <a target="_blank" href=http://www.phatboy.alloffroad.com>PhatBoy.AllOffRoad.com </a>

    Charlie
     

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