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Best Thing from Oklahoma..............................................

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by BlazerGuy, May 13, 2004.

  1. BlazerGuy

    BlazerGuy 3/4 ton status

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    The only good thing to ever come out of Oklahoma:







































































    An empty Greyhound. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
     
  2. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    The only good thing to ever come out of Oklahoma:







































































    An empty Greyhound. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]


    BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  3. BranndonC

    BranndonC 3/4 ton status

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    Dumb Oklahoma Laws
    # Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.
    # Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
    # Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
    # Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger.
    # It is against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle.
    # Whaling is illegal.
    # It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.
    # Residents are taxed for the furniture in their homes, and any other personal belongings. (Repealed 1998)
    # People who make "ugly faces" at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.
    # Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings. (Repealed)
    # Anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker must have their name and picture shown on television.
    # Tattoos are banned.
    # No one may spit on a sidewalk.
    # It is illegal to wear your boots to bed.
    # Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus.
    # Tissues are not to be found in the back of one's car.
    Ada
    # If you wear New York Jets clothing, you may be put in jail.
    Clinton
    # Molesting an automobile is illegal.
    Hawthahorne
    # It is unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.
    Oklahoma City
    # No one may walk backwards downtown while eating a hamburger.
    Schulter
    # Women may not gamble in the nude, in lingerie, or while wearing a towel.
    Tulsa
    # You may not open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.
    # Elephants are not to be taken into the downtown area.
    Wynona
    # One's mode of transportation must be tied up while not attended.
    # Mules may not drink out of bird baths.
    # Clothes may not be washed in bird baths.
    Yukon
    # It is illegal to tie a horse in front of city hall.
    # While passing another vehicle, you must honk your horn.
     
  4. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Bob Stoops's #1 recruiting pitch: "Why play for Texas when you can beat em?"



    [​IMG]

    If Willis McGahee was able to insure his legs for $2.5 million, how much could Chris Simms insure his throwing arm for based on his performances against top-rate competition?
    a. $5,000
    b. $500
    c. $175
    d. $27.33.
    Answer – c. As I recall, Simms did hit the burnt orange jerseys with a pass or two in 2002…just not against Oklahoma.
    *****

    What will UT do to prevent an OU win?
    Wait until next year!

    How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Longhorn team?
    One, CHRIS SIMMS!!!

    "They began playing in October of 1900 and have played every year since 1927. The game has seen 47 All-Americans, 5 Heisman trophy winners and played a role in 7 national championships. From the coaches to the players to the die-hard fans, this game has seen it all. But one thing has stayed the same: TEXAS SUCKS!"

    Chris Simms was caught cheating on a exam earlier today. As the professor was walking up and down the aisle he noticed Mack Brown answering the questions for Chris.

    How many University of Texas students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Four, one to screw it in, one boasts about how great the light bulbs were back when Darrel Royal was there and the other two leave about halfway through.
    OUCH!

    Did you hear about the new golf course in Austin? It only has 14 holes?......................Seems as though no one there remembers how to get to the final four anyway.

    An OU fan and a UT fan were both in the Cotton Bowl restroom...after getting through w/ their business...the UT fan washed his hands and the OU fan didnt. the UT fan couldn't help but notice and said....yea over in Texas...they teach us to wash our hands....the OU fan said...yea well in Oklahoma...they teach us not to pee on our hands....and with that, he walked out.

    [​IMG]

    Albert Einstein goes to a party. He introduces himself to a lady and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?".........."240," she says. "Great, we can discuss the mysteries of the universe and other things. We have a lot we can talk about " he replies. Later he is talking with a man and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?"......."145," he replies. "Great, we can talk about thermodynamics," says Albert. Later he is talking to another gentleman and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?........"43," the man manages to say. Einstein gets a puzzled look on his face for a minute then says, "How about them Longhorns?"

    Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for 6 days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel found him resting on the 7th day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downward through the clouds. "I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?", inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while Southern Europe is gong to be poor, the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there, I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people" God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid, while this one will be very cold and covered with ice." The archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a beautiful land in the center of a large mass. "What is that one?" "Ah" , said God. "That is Oklahoma, the most glorious place on Earth. There's beautiful lakes, rivers, and streams, and prairie. The people from Oklahoma are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hard-working and high achieving and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them a super human football team which will be admired and feared by all who come across them." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there will always be balance." God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the loud-mouth morons I'm putting next to them. I will call it TEXAS"

    [​IMG]

    A Sooner fan and a Longhorns fan are standing on the banks of the Red River yelling across at each other about which team is better. Suddenly, a Genie pops out of thin air and grants each fan one wish.
    The Texas fan pipes out, "I'll go first." The genie agrees and allows the Texas fan to annouce his wish first. "I want to build a wall that is 300 feet high and 100 feet thick around the state of Texas to keep all those Sooner fans out." The genie agrees and POOF, a wall 100 feet high and 100 feet thick pops up around the entire state of Texas.
    The genie then turns toward the Oklahoma fan and asks, "So what is your wish?" The Oklahoma fan points toward the giant wall and says, "Fill'er up."
     
  5. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    Never seen any of those laws in the Criminal Code........... /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif

    But if ya want a law, the communist party is illegal in this state. /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif
     
  6. BurbinOR

    BurbinOR 3/4 ton status

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    BRB, /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif
     
  7. muddbudd72

    muddbudd72 Registered Member

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    my mom is from oklahoma (carter county area) so i always get teary eyed when i hear stuff about oklahoma....might be heartburn!
    how does a texan get to heaven..I-35 north
    and once again GEAUX TIGERS!!!
     
  8. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

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    [ QUOTE ]
    It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.

    [/ QUOTE ] /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  9. BlazerGuy

    BlazerGuy 3/4 ton status

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    Well, [darn]....gimme some time....
     
  10. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    Well, [darn]....gimme some time....

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Heck, it only took about 5 seconds to find the sight, and about 5 minutes to go through all the material /forums/images/graemlins/peace.gif
     
  11. BlazerGuy

    BlazerGuy 3/4 ton status

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    Q. What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Oklahoma have in common?
    A. They both end up in trailer parks.

    One day a housework challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

    Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

    "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

    He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."


    Why did the University of Oklahoma researcher stay awake every night?
    He was trying to find a cure for insomnia.


    Swint and Fess, two Oklahoma cowboys, were resting their horses out on the range.

    "What'd Emmaline give yew for yore birthday?" asked Swint.

    "Pair of cufflinks," said Fess. "But I ain't got no use for them. I can't even find anyplace to get my wrists pierced."


    Did you hear about the Oklahoma idiot who married an American Indian? They had a baby and wanted to name it to reflect both races.
    So they called it Runnin Dumbass.


    A first grade teacher explains to her class that sheis an Oklahoma BoomerSooner fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Oklahoma fans too. Not really knowing what an Oklahoma fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air. There is, however, one exception. Janet has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not an Oklahoma fan" she reports. Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?" "I'm a UT Longhorn fan" boasts the little girl. The teacher asks Janet why she is a Longhorn fan. "Well, my Dad and Mom are UT fans, so I'm a UT fan too" she responds. "That's no reason," the teacher says. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?" Janet smiles and says, "Then I'd be an Oklahoma fan."



    Eyes of Texas A cowpoke in West Texas was herding longhorn cattle one day when he heard faint music coming from nearby. After hunting about for a time, he discovered the sound was loudest near one particular calf, and was even louder near the calf's tail. Putting his head close to the calf's hind end, he heard, "The eyes of Texas are upon you, all the live long day..." Amazed, he tossed the longhorn calf over his horse's back, mounted and rode quickly to his line shack 10 miles away. There he put the calf into his truck and drove 74 miles to Ft. Stockton, where he took the animal to a vet. When the vet asked him what was going on, the cowpoke told him, and the vet went around behind the calf and gave a listen, too. He agreed he heard "The eyes of Texas are upon you, you cannot get away..." but didn't seem particularly excited. "Man, how can you stand there and not be amazed?" the cowpoke asked. The vet, a third generation Okie, said, "Bud, I'm a Sooner, and I've been listening to assholes sing the "Eyes of Texas" all of my life."


    Where was the toothbrush invented? Oklahoma.

    If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.


    How's that... /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
     
  12. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    Well, good effort. Unfortunately I spent my lovely day inside a room listening one of those OU graduates lecture on the 'big' discussion we had last week.

    He was pretty cool for a lawyer. Drank coffee out of an OU helmet mug and his cell phone had Boomer Sooner as the ring tone.

    I know it's hard to come up with quality OU material since we're just that damn good. I do have to be honest, I changed the first two jokes I posted, they were originally OSU jokes /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  13. BlazerGuy

    BlazerGuy 3/4 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    I know it's hard to come up with quality OU material since we're just that damn good. I do have to be honest, I changed the first two jokes I posted, they were originally OSU jokes

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Ya cheatin' bastard! /forums/images/graemlins/shame.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
     
  14. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    If ya ain't cheat'in, ya ain't try'in.....

    It was a Probable Cause class and you know how cops and their sick humor can be. My brother happened to be there (20+ years) and I was really surprised that he didn't break out the "How can I break the law when I am the law" line on this poor guy.
     
  15. BlazerGuy

    BlazerGuy 3/4 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    "How can I break the law when I am the law" line on this poor guy.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Sounds like something I would ask... /forums/images/graemlins/peace.gif
     
  16. 84gmcjimmy

    84gmcjimmy 1 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  17. tecton

    tecton 1/2 ton status

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    my aunt and uncle both teach at OU.
    I like oklahoma...very hot, very pretty.

    Ive been to texas too....... /forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif
     
  18. sled_dog

    sled_dog 1 ton status

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    Only thing I know of Texas is, when you are in LA, if someone is driving like an asshat, check the plate they are probably from Texas.
     
  19. BlazerGuy

    BlazerGuy 3/4 ton status

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    That's cause we're either
    1. Not used to driving on the shittiest roads ever built(LA roads suck!)
    2. Trying to get the hell outta there ASAP! /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
     

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