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Bible Humor

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by shewheeler, Jul 27, 2004.

  1. shewheeler

    shewheeler 1/2 ton status

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    While I was lookin' around for stats on death row stuff, I came across this article. It's pretty funny. I'm not trying to start another debate, it's just a fun read /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif


    Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

    The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

    Dear Dr. Laura:

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him or her that Leviticus18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. ...End of debate.

    I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other laws and how to follow them.

    1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1: 9. The problem is my neighbors. They the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    2. I would like to tell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual cleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

    6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

    7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

    9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? -Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

    Your devoted disciple and adoring fan. Jim

    /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
     
  2. mofugly13

    mofugly13 1 ton bucket of rust Premium Member

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    Nice! /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  3. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gifMost excelent... /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif
     
  4. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

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    Too bad we don't live by some of that. /forums/images/graemlins/thinking.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  5. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Blind faith and strict interpretation leads to some odd people
     
  6. Goober

    Goober 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    Why can't I own Canadians?

    [/ QUOTE ]


    THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW!

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