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Bobby Buford vs. Rufus the Gator

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Bubba Ray Boudreaux, Dec 15, 2004.

  1. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    Originally posted on PBB a few days ago, exclusive reposting rights granted by me........................ :D

    Well, I used to have this cousin down Louisiana way named Bobby Buford Boudreaux. Now Bobby Buford wasn't born with that much intelligence and dropped out of high school his freshman year. Seems like we had this other cousin, can't remember her name, for some reason these two fell in love and Bobby Buford got her pregnant. Well of course they had to get married, cause that is what they did down that way. So between flunking school and having to support his new wife and kid, Bobby Buford had to find a job.

    Well poor old Bobby Buford couldn't find a job. He was either too young or too dumb. So him and his wife, who was four months pregnant at the time, hit the road. After a few hours a driving, they pulled off at this little hole-in-the wall filling station 100 miles from nowhere, deep in the Louisiana swamps. The filling station was ran by this old coonass by the name of Lafourche. Now Bobby Buford was about as dense as a bag of concrete didn't recogonize this old man, but Lafourche had at one time been the tri-county heavyweight gator wrasslin champ. He also ran a gator wrasslin show behind the filling station on Saturdays.

    Now old man Lafourche knew gator wrasslin talent when he saw it and Bobby Buford was the next tri-county heavyweight wrasslin champ if he ever saw it. You see, Bobby Buford was built like a brick ****house, and twice as dumb and old man Lafourche knew a champion gator wrassler possessed both qualities. So after some high level negotiations, Bobby Buford and his wife got the '69 Airstream that sat behind the filling station rent free and the wife could clerk in the filling station part-time for some extra money.

    Three days later, old man Lafourche held the first gator wrasslin show in three months. His last champion gator wrassler had to retire due to losing his arm to the meanest gator in the swamps, Rufus.

    Rufus was the biggest, meanest damn gator ever to come out of the Louisiana swamps. He weighed well over a ton and old man Lafourche played hell keeping him caged. To give you an example on how mean Rufus was, think about some woman friend somewhere who's going through that time of the month; only this time it's the worse cramps she's had, she's hungry, out of tampons and you just called her the infamous "C" word. That was Rufus on a good day and most days were bad days for Rufus.

    The day was here. Old man Lafourche had gone a hundred miles one way, and a hundred miles the other way promoting this big match up. A thousand people lined the fenced off mudpit where there was gonna be some gator wrasslin. Cars lined the highway for miles and the state patrol showed up for traffic control.

    In one corner, there was Bobby Buford, dressed in his best overalls and that was it. Bobby Buford was a son of the swamps and knew by wearing no shoes, that his long, gangly toes could drive into the mud and give him traction. By his side was his lovely wife, our cousin.

    In the other corner was old man LaFourche, abeit on the outside of the fence. On the inside was that damn, meanass gator Rufus. Rufus was letting out the deepest, loudest gator grunts anybody in the crowd had heard. The grunts could be heard for miles and death echoed throughout the swamp.

    Old man Lafourche rang the bell and crowd grew silent. In his old, craggy Cajun accent, he introduced Bobby Buford first. Then he introduced Rufus, who responded with yet the deepest, most evil grunt a gator had ever let loose. It was so evil that 25 kids and 5 mothers ran scared for their lives.

    Old man Lafourche rang the bell again, signifying the start of the epic man on beast battle. The two combatants circled around the ring. Bobby Buford using his speed to out manuever his slightly larger opponent. Rufus would open his mouth and let loose more evil grunts.

    Finally, after about two minutes of this, the crowd became restless and started booing. Bobby Buford took this as his cue and with reckless abandoned, he let loose with a flying body splash onto the back of the old gator. He quickly wrapped his arms around the gator's neck, and tied his feet around the base of the tail. Of course, this didn't phase old Rufus none. Rufus was pretty smart for a gator and he began that hideous death roll with Bobby Buford hanging on for dear life.

    Bobby Buford's wife was screaming for mercy from the corner and the crowd was cheering beyond belief. For anyone in the crowd that day, this was a sight to behold. They were about to indulge in what the early Romans had with the gladiator fights in the Colisseum. There was gonna be bloodshed and very possibly death and they knew appeasement was on the way.

    After a few minutes of this rolling around in the mud, Rufus began tiring, but old Bobby Buford was a man who wouldn't quit for nothing. This was his chance to become famous and to provide the easy life to his loving wife, our cousin, and their offspring.

    Rufus finally came to rest on his belly and Bobby Buford, still on the back of the rank old gator saw his opening. The damndest thing a man would ever see happened next. Bobby Buford, wouldn't you know it, stuck two fingers into the gators nostrils. Well this only enraged the giant gator. Rufus let loose with a mighty grunt of pain. Bobby Buford then dove headfirst into the gator's open mouth. Well old Bobby Buford was so damn big and dove in so damn far that old Rufus couldn't clamp his jaws shut. The crowd let out with a gasp. No one had ever seen something like this before. Even old man Lafourche, tri-county gator wrasslin champ, was aghast at the eventual horror that was going to ensue. Moms in the crowd began grabbing children and heading for the cars. They didn't want to see a man chopped in half by the biggest, meanest gator ever.

    About a minute later, those left in attendance watched as the old gator's life appear to leave it's body. Then wouldn't you know it, Bobby Buford emerged from the gator's mouth, holding the still beating heart of Rufus. Old man Lafourche took one glance, and then headed off into the swamps straight from the spectacle. No one has seen or heard from the old man ever since.

    From what I heard, Bobby Buford and his wife took over the filling station since old man Lafourche had no family to speak of. Bobby Buford tried to keep the gator show running, but no one would come. He was ever branded with the stigma of being the man that killed the world's meanest gator. About six months later, his wife left him with the kid. Seems a microbus full of hippies from California showed up one day and she fell instantly in love with the hippy leader, some guy named Fryar John. Bobby Buford hasn't been seen since he closed the filling station. Some of the locals say he ran off with the circus, and others say he ran off into the swamps to find old man Lafourche, only to return once he fulfilled his quest.
     
  2. Burt4x4

    Burt4x4 3/4 ton status

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    hahahah Thanks:xmas:
     

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