Dismiss Notice

Welcome To CK5!

Registering is free and easy! Hope to see you on the forums soon.

Score a FREE t-shirt and membership sticker when you sign up for a Premium Membership and choose the recurring plan.

Broken Heart advice needed

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by BLZN4FN, Aug 28, 2005.

  1. BLZN4FN

    BLZN4FN 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2000
    Posts:
    1,720
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Englewood Colorado
    Well dont know how to start so here we go.
    Think the time as come for the wife and I to move on :frown1:
    I will try to mak a long story short. About a mounth ago we had a bad fall out she wanted me to move out so we did a lot of talking and made it work so I thought. well saterday came i walked into the bed room and asked what wrong she said I feel the same way agine that I love you but I dont think i'm in love with you. I think I need to be by my self.
    So now my heart is broken.

    So what should I do move out and give her some space and hope she comes back?

    How do you get over a broken heart or at least make it a litttle bearable?

    for all that has been through this what did you do or are doing?
     
  2. BurbLover

    BurbLover 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2001
    Posts:
    3,060
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SW Missouri
    Bo,

    Give me a call. Glad to help of I can.
     
  3. 3 on the tree

    3 on the tree 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2004
    Posts:
    3,970
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    gunnison colorado
    This is a tough thing to go through. Happened to me twice. I gotta ask you, why should you move out and not her?? Family and friends are a great source of support. Your wife is a PART of your life, but not all of it. Try to focus on the parts of your life not connected to her. Going to work is easy, its when I was not working that was the toughest. Being alone requires you to break the old routines and make new ones. It won't be easy or painless, but you can get through this. Don't get crazy and become a party animal to fill the void, that will just make things worse. I know the feeling of being alone can be overwhelming, that's where family and friends come in. Don't complain too much to them, or they will eventually start to withdraw from you. Bottom line, you had a life BEFORE you married her, and you can have a life after you seperate. Good luck, I feel your pain and confusion.,
     
  4. MOABDADC22

    MOABDADC22 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2001
    Posts:
    1,348
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cheyenne, Wy
    I am going through a very similar experience. My 12 year marriage failed because of my infidelity. I took her for granted and only after I lost her, did I realize what a great thing I had and how much I truely loved her.

    Mine has been going on for almost two years. The only advice I can give you is to stay strong for yourself and any children you may have. Be very honest with yourself and with her.

    I pray everyday for reconciliation and a future with my ex-wife, but I also know that may not happen. Somedays, I just want to stay home and weap tears of shame for the horrible things I did to the one person in this world who loved me with unconditional love.

    Like the others said, you have to stay strong for yourself, but do it in a healthy way. You will have to walk a very thin line between taking care of yourself and letting her know you care about her. Show her your support, but don't smother her. It is very hard to walk that thin line. You will make mistakes, but believe in yourself and believe in your spouse. Her feelings are very real too.

    PM me and I will give you a call. We could both probably use a friend about now.
     
  5. google

    google 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    May 19, 2005
    Posts:
    805
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Arizona
    You may think what I have to say is crap, but it worked for me. When me and my ex went our seperate ways, I started online gaming. Everquest to be exact. I went to work, and when I came home, I went to a different world. Sound gay? Maby, but it worked for me. Kept doing it till a hot chick moved in down stairs from me. She started coming over all the time, and everquest just kinda went away..... Don't take this as a joke either, just another suggestion.
     
  6. 4XSlave

    4XSlave Registered Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2005
    Posts:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    Due you think your wife would be up for some marriage counseling? you may think that this is an expensive option but stop by a church and ask if the know of anyone that does it for free in a group setting or at a low cost. good luck.
     
  7. 89K5guy

    89K5guy 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2005
    Posts:
    174
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ohio
    Sorry to hear that.I wouldn't wish a broken heart on my worst enemy.Remember this: If she doesn't want to be with you just accept that.If you have to get up every morning and convince someone to stay where they
    don't want to ,you are only fooling yourself and prolonging the torture.This
    doesn't mean you have to be cruel to that person.Be thankful that when you walked into your bedroom that she wasn't with another man.Alot of people might say,"how can she do this to me?doesn't she know how much I care for her?"Well again be thankful that at least she is putting her cards on the table
    and telling you up front rather than going on living a lie and making both of you miserable.I would rather be alone and sad for a little while than carrying on a relationship based on deception.Good luck :D In the words of Judas Priest "One life,I'm gonna live it up" :wink1:
     
  8. MOABDADC22

    MOABDADC22 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2001
    Posts:
    1,348
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cheyenne, Wy

    Very well put.
     
  9. Seventy4Blazer

    Seventy4Blazer 3/4 ton status

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2001
    Posts:
    5,634
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Escondido, CA
    i am bias in this subject. that is JUST how my divorce came about... kick her out. be nice about it but kick her out. change the locks and get her to sign a "quit claim" deed if you own a house together. 99.9% of the time there is a lot more to it that "i love you but am not in love with you anymore"

    change the locks so if she want to clean you out she cant. not legaly anyway. get seperation papers started ASAP!! this way if she tries anything, her butt is on the line legaly. if you own i can not stress a quit claim deed to much.

    i know it sounds cold and filled with hatred, but i learned the hard way. i did get the quit claim deed.. didnt change the locks... (quit claim deed was done after she cleaned the house out of my stuff and hers with he new boyfriend. do anything and EVERYTHING you can to find out if there is another person involved. your state may have some helping info if there is.

    i wish you the best honestly. its HARD as hell. if you have kids together i wish them the best as well. there is no such thing as a divorce thatis simple, fast, and not a hearbreaking neck slashing legal ordeal. no matter how smooth ya think it is going in the beginning.
    Grant
     
  10. 89GMCSuburban

    89GMCSuburban 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2001
    Posts:
    3,005
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Thornton, CO
    It happens to the best of us. Actually, that exact thing happened to my ex. She woke me up, said, "I don't know if we should be together" and packed up my truck at 3AM to sleep elsewhere. It just happens. Space helps, but don't play the victim. Let her call you so you don't sound desperate. It's when you are gone that actually notice what it's like being without you. It's tough, man...but we all can make it through.
     
  11. 4by4bygod

    4by4bygod 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2003
    Posts:
    3,859
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    With My Tinfoil Hat

    How long have you guys been married?

    sorry, not being " in love with" your spouse all the time is common to all marriages.. feelings are cyclical, they come and they go, based on circumstances. That's why the marriage vows need to be taken seriously, so we don't live by our "feelings"... when feelings change, or we get complacent, we refer back to the "covenant"( agreement ) until the feelings ( being in love) come back again.

    Marriage isn't a " piece of paper", it's designed to keep us together when our deceitful hearts ( emotions ) tell us we need to be apart.

    Either she's too lazy to work on her end of things, or you really pissed her off at some point, and she's not quite ready to forgive you yet. I don't know the exact circumstances, but you need to remind her that you both made a vow and an oath to each other, so counseling is mandatory.

    The worst thing that can happen is that a marriage dies because two people can't get past ther own emotions long enough to re - connect with each other and salvage the thing. Marriages die from apathy and pride.

    Enough sermonizing.. what to do next?

    Tell her you love her, and then forgive her ( out loud, and to her face) for what you are angry at her for. Ask her then to forgive you for your shortcomings and transgressions.

    You need to forgive her first, because as the husband, your spiritual condition dictates the spiritual condition of your wife, home and family. this is what "being the head of the marriage" really means, and for anything to work right in your home, YOU need to be right. that means exhibiting forgivness, patience, etc, all those things that make up LOVE, which is the fruit of the spirit.

    She may not forgive you right way.. that's fine, forgive her anyway. If she wants to seperate, that's ok too, just don't divorce her until you have no other options. Don't divorce, just because that's an easy out.

    What you want to do is create a climate of love and forgivness, where she can feel safe in coming back to you. I've never seen this approach fail, when both parties want to fix things.

    Tom
     
  12. BLZN4FN

    BLZN4FN 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2000
    Posts:
    1,720
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Englewood Colorado
    Would like to say thank you for all that has posted.

    I just got done crying for about a hour and spilling my guts out to my wife.
    we will see what happens.

    as for who should move out I think it should be me we have a lot of cats and dogs and no one will rent to a person here with 2 dogs and 5 cats :eek1:

    My wifes family has a bad case of depression. She also has depression we went to the doctors about a month ago and had her meds changed all was well up in till last week Tuesday. So we have talked over the last 15 years about having kids but I keep puting it of so last oct we decided to have a family just not to sure when but soon. Well in the last 2 weeks she has stoped taking birth control pills so now I think her body is mixed up between no pills and depression pills this is causing a problem but I could be wrong.
    She has agreed to see another doctor other than her primary to get another opion to see if maybe she is on the wrong meds. And we have decided to see a counsler.

    So I will see if maybe her meds are wrong or right and we will see if a counsler will help.
    Not to worry I will not bring a child into this world on a less than perfect marrige.

    Thanks agine for alll that has helped.
     
  13. MOABDADC22

    MOABDADC22 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2001
    Posts:
    1,348
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cheyenne, Wy









    Wow, that was a very mature response. Some of the things you said there really hit home for me.

    " I've never seen this approach fail, when both parties want to fix things. " I only wish my ex-wife was ready to give this a try. :confused: :confused:
     
  14. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2002
    Posts:
    16,250
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Tri-Valley, NorCal
    Those meds issues could well be a big factor. Here is an option, move out for a while. Tell her that since you are moving out and not trying for kids, she should go back on her birth control pills and her depression medications. Be patient, don't push her hard, and see if her old self comes back around when she gets back in her routine. Because, there are really only three options here. Either she really has fallen out of love with you, she is seeing somebody else, or the meds are screwing her up. If you separate for a bit, the situation might improve, or if it doesn't, you will have some clean closure on it when it comes. Oh, and by the way, don't wait for a perfect marriage for kids. they don't exist. But, you do want a stable marriage first......
     
  15. fred2mihi

    fred2mihi 1/2 ton status GMOTM Winner

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Posts:
    1,272
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Way West in Co.
    Don't give up on your marriage until there is no other option! My wonderful bride and I just celebrated our 36th anniversary this week. My wife also has a medical problem and when her meds get messed up, it can create some difficult times in our household also, but we always get things straightened out and merrily go on with our lives. Marriage is the partnership that comes first in every aspect of your lives, a person can get caught up in themselves first and that shouldn't be case at any time in ones marriage! If my wife and I can't do our activities together then we will find something we can do together. It's like the saying the Sports teams like to use, " there is no I in team", that same message should apply to your marriage! I truly hope you can work things out! Never quit trying until you have exhausted every option
    GOOD LUCK!


    Fred2mihi
     
  16. sandawgk5

    sandawgk5 3/4 ton status

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2003
    Posts:
    6,881
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Kitsap County PACNORWEST
    I agree my wife gets kinda wierd when she stops taking her birth control or if the Doctor changes it. Hormones have a lot of emotional side effects on some people. Hope it all works out.

    Ira
     
  17. blazinzuk

    blazinzuk Buzzbox voodoo Premium Member GMOTM Winner

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Posts:
    17,412
    Likes Received:
    3,799
    Location:
    Afton / Star Valley Wyoming
    I hope you guys can get it worked out. Different meds can really mess with you and then if you stop taking them you are even more messed up and you don't know it. Thats what has happened with me except I am the one on the medicine not her. I feel bad for you bit I will pray for you every night for stuff to go right for you and her. Good luck man
     
  18. Leper

    Leper 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2005
    Posts:
    4,437
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dallas Baby!!!!
    Whatever you do, DON'T move out for a "while". It will never be the same again, especially with the time you have already committed to the relationship.
     
  19. ronnny

    ronnny 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2004
    Posts:
    838
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Newnan GA
    Not the one to ask today. Wife asked something about one of the boys and i said no she did not like it as much as i did so told her i could leave. She left to find somewhere else for him to spend the night. took the other son too. All by myself. Oh well she can have anything that is not anything to do with my tools, trucks and junk i had before we got together. And all the payments to go with them. I think we are working up to that anyway.
     
  20. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2002
    Posts:
    16,250
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Tri-Valley, NorCal
    Having escorted many men from their homes unwillingly, and sometimes at the order of a judge, I disagree. Sometimes absence does make the heart grow fonder. Sometimes familiarity does breed contempt. It is better to walk out with some dignity and self-respect and then evaluate whether or not the relationship is going to make it than to be drug out of a souring relationship denying the whole way that it was over. Nothing says "I love you" like a temporary restraining order. I think you can still work on a relationship living apart. Most people do that when they first meet anyways.
     

Share This Page