Dismiss Notice

Welcome To CK5!

Registering is free and easy! Hope to see you on the forums soon.

Score a FREE t-shirt and membership sticker when you sign up for a Premium Membership and choose the recurring plan.

By The Skin Of Their Teeth!

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by unclematty, Mar 13, 2005.

  1. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2003
    Posts:
    3,164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SLC UT
    "Gawd dammit Stave, drive this thing!" RJ yells through the howling wind. Stave barely hearing it, stretches for the gas pedal, peering through the steering wheel. making a vain attempt to keep the battered old suburban on the gravel road.

    Out of the darkness, a gargantuan maul with long incisors snags the back end of the rusty Burb, flinging it off the road, Stave manages to keep it on it's wheels, winding the wheel back and forth wildly. Rj loudly muttering "**** this" crawling for the sun roof turned gun turret. Stave glancing down to see the speedo pointing at the 60, he grins sheepishly, pushing the pedal farther down.

    RJ stands tall in the small hole that was the sun roof, cursing about loosing his favorite cherry cigar during the earlier fracas. he reaches out through the wind, grabs the charging handle and locks the first round in place, thinking to himself "Oni ,I'm really pissed now!"

    Stave yells back "where are we going?" Rj screams back "Can Can's" now ****ing drive!" the hair on RJ's neck suddenly stands on end, Rj whirls around while simultanously pulling the trigger and is greeted with the deafening BBBBRRRRRAAAAAPPPPP!!! that only 25 mil makes.


    Watching the tracers peel into the distance and instantly illuminating the the giant winged beast to his left, RJ adjusts slightly and attempts to bring the line of tracers into the center of the winged beast, indoing so, the hovering demon is slashed into burning hunks of seared flesh raining to the ground.

    RJ drops onto the rear seat trying to keep his balance Stave's driving has done nothing to impress RJ , but Stave still smiles "Happy to be alive " he thinks outloud. "Stave", RJ says studdering slightly, "I nee, need another cigar, grab me one from the glove box!"

    Suddenly RJ pulls the mammoth pistol from its home and fires 2 rounds quickly straight ahead through the windsheild missing Stave's head by several inches, dropping the full grown holstien cow directly in their path just intime for the speeding suburban to skid to a dusty stop directly on top of the now dead cow. "sh!t Stave, pay attention" RJ says forcfully!
     
  2. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2002
    Posts:
    17,372
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gettysburg, SD
    *in the morning*

    Stave woke bleary eyed in the rearmost seat of a massacred ball of sheetmetal. He stretched a little monkey stretch, lank hairless arms reaching to the now rising sun.

    Suddenly out of nowhere a bloody demon beast reared up roaring

    "GRAGAHAGAHAGAGGLE!" Said the beast

    "Oh My Fruit Juice Uncle Buddy!" Screamed Stave, like a very sissy girl.

    Stave jumped up and back to the top of the sheetmetal monolith, screeching and scrambling. He grouped his feet and hands together on hot, sun baked steel.

    "GRAHAGAHAGAH!?" Inquired the beast.

    "Sorry I didn't get that" asked Stave, mind rearanging

    RJ took off the gutted carcass of the cow. "Man this thing is toasty in the cold cold night!" He was smiling, blood slicking his hair and beard down to points. He shucked it off to the side and stretched.

    "Oh man, what happened last night Joe?"

    "I don't know Stave, it was like some badly story written by a drunken idiot. Or maybe it was brilliant, I don't know. I mean when were we stupid enough to put heavy artilary on a stinky old suburban, 2078?"

    "I think you did that when you bought that artifact lot an insisted on making wierd stuff"

    "Hey you got an intergalactic Vespa out of the deal"

    "No that was Takun"

    After a few moments, a blood slick RJ and a small monkeyboy in shorts shared a breakfast of gunpowder beef. Hand in hand they walked down a lonely outpost turnout highway. A mile on, RJ had to pee and Stave pulled some glass out of his feet. He only cried a little...
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2005
  3. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2003
    Posts:
    3,164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SLC UT
    Ya know the ****ed up thing about this is I'm listening to Sepultura'S Spit, over and over while I'm typing and I catch myself typing in tempo and bangin my head to beat! Too funny:D
     
  4. bigcountryk5

    bigcountryk5 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2004
    Posts:
    931
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    G-vegas(Greenville) South Carolina
    Nice work unclematty hurry up with partII RJ........:cool1:
     
  5. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2002
    Posts:
    19,217
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Everywhere
    Just had too play Chaos AD and Territory.
     
  6. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2002
    Posts:
    17,372
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gettysburg, SD
    Anyone want to take the next section? We can keep doing this for a while and copmpile it! I've actually wanted to do that for a while now.....
     
  7. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2003
    Posts:
    3,164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SLC UT
    Who you calling drunken idiot I don't "consume" and if you saw the story in my eyes you'de think it was great!:D
     
  8. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2002
    Posts:
    17,372
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gettysburg, SD
    I didn't say anything, RJ did, in the future
     
  9. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2003
    Posts:
    3,164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SLC UT
    I'm sitting here giggling like a little monkeyboy:haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  10. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2003
    Posts:
    3,164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SLC UT
    You make Stave out to be much more of a little V'gina then I do I like to give him some credit.
     
  11. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2002
    Posts:
    17,372
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gettysburg, SD
    Just because I've wanted to say it for a long time -

    "GOD DAMN IT STAVE, YOU ARE THE MONKEY, I AM THE MAN IN THE YELLOW HAT, AT THE END OF THE DAY, I SAVE YOUR ASS, AND THAT ENTITLES ME TO A LITTLE RESPECT!"
     
  12. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2002
    Posts:
    17,372
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gettysburg, SD
    You're just really violent

    RJ isn't a stone cold killer, he's a sorrowful judge with the broken head and Stave is THE embodiment of innocense. See they balance and compliment each other, it isn't a big long tirade about sucking people's eyes out.

    Let's see...... what the hell kind of weapon does Stave use........
     
  13. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2003
    Posts:
    3,164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SLC UT
    thats just the way **** always ends up with me, always has very gory and violent
     
  14. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2003
    Posts:
    3,164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SLC UT
    OOPS! I'm being watched by the MODS!!!






    SSSHHHHHHH!!!!!
     
  15. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2002
    Posts:
    17,372
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gettysburg, SD
    What'd they do?
     
  16. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2003
    Posts:
    3,164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SLC UT
    A certain Mod stepped in looked around and left
     
  17. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2002
    Posts:
    17,372
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gettysburg, SD
    Oh I thought they might have censored your naught naughty language, or maybe one of your misspellings accidently turned into a swear
     
  18. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2003
    Posts:
    3,164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SLC UT
    Are you guys gonna tell me that RJ and I are the only two guys with enough nutsack to put something in print????

    NO NUTSACK IN THIS HOUSE!!!!
     
  19. bigcountryk5

    bigcountryk5 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2004
    Posts:
    931
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    G-vegas(Greenville) South Carolina
    I'd love to contribute but my spelling is not up to RJ's critique and i have as much imagination as a wet bag of ****.:dunno:
     
  20. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2003
    Posts:
    3,164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SLC UT
    yOU COULD BE A WALKING THESARUS and you'de never meet up to Shane's ideal, and as far as imagination look at me all I do is blow stuff up killand maim stuff and curse and swear! It's all good!!!! tear it up my friend you now have your own personal blank page........:D
     

Share This Page