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Canadian Immigration Problem

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by firefighter184, Nov 22, 2004.

  1. firefighter184

    firefighter184 1/2 ton status

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    Location:
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    The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into
    Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for
    increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The re-election
    of President Bush is prompting the exodus among left-leaning
    citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree
    with Bill O'Reilly.

    Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of
    sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians
    crossing their fields at night.

    ''I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
    Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red
    Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was
    cold, exhausted and hungry.

    'He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.
    When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to
    show him my screenplay, eh?"

    In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
    fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing
    speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.

    ''Not real effective," he said. ''The liberals still got through,
    and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

    Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet
    liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station
    wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for
    themselves.

    ''A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an
    Ontario border patrolman said. ''I found one carload without a drop
    of drinking water. They did have a nice supple little Russian River
    Pinot Noir, though."

    When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
    wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors
    have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-
    education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink keg beer
    and watch NASCAR.

    In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes
    ingenious ways of crossing the border.

    Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy
    cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young
    vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities
    began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen
    passengers.

    ''If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk
    Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

    Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
    creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
    Sarandon movies.

    ''I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just
    can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. ''How many art-history
    majors that went to Columbia does one country need?"

    In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada,
    Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and
    pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure
    liberals, a source close to Cheney said.

    ''We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might
    put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is
    determined to reach out."
     
  2. Bullet

    Bullet 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif I wonder if backcountry is one of these guys too... /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif
     
  3. firefighter184

    firefighter184 1/2 ton status

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    Might explain his rather conspicuous absence since his side lost... /forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif
     
  4. darkshadow

    darkshadow 1 ton status

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    Location:
    C-eh-N-eh-D-eh
    [ QUOTE ]
    Rumors
    have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-
    education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink keg beer
    and watch NASCAR.



    [/ QUOTE ]
    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     

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