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Candidate for this years Darwin Awards.

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by mudhog, Nov 25, 2002.

  1. mudhog

    mudhog THEGAME Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Just a little humor for your day...

    First Place - Candidate for this years Darwin Awards.

    When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
    holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something
    that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the
    trigger again. This time it worked.

    And now, the honorable mentions:

    The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine
    and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
    company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have
    a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's
    claim was approved.

    ********************************************************
    A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
    blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
    space. Understandably, he shot her.

    ********************************************************
    After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
    that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare
    to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,the driver
    went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He
    then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that
    the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
    deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

    **************************************************************
    An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious
    head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
    injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he
    could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

    ********************************************************
    A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, puts a $20 bill on the counter, and
    asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a
    gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
    provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
    bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15.
    (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?)


    ********************************************************
    A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a
    gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE,
    MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A ****-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then
    the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over
    laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his
    gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief
    ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later put
    a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this
    is a ****-up!"

    ********************************************************
    Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
    just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
    run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window.
    The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
    knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of
    Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

    ********************************************************
    As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
    purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to
    give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police
    apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the
    store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a
    positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady
    I stole the purse from."

    ********************************************************
    The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
    King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
    The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
    without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they
    weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

    ********************************************************
    Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a
    chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of
    pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off
    their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain
    still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the
    chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper. They
    were quickly arrested.

    ********************************************************
    A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! When a man attempted to siphon gasoline
    from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he
    bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next
    to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
    admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the
    motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to
    press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
     
  2. gotmud?

    gotmud? 1/2 ton status

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    LMAO /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  3. sapper

    sapper 1/2 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/eek.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif /forums/images/graemlins/1zhelp.gif /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/ears.gif
     
  4. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    </font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
    "Freeze, mother-stickers, this
    is a ****-up!"

    [/ QUOTE ] /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  5. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

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    Everywhere
    </font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
    A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! When a man attempted to siphon gasoline
    from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he
    bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next
    to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
    admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the
    motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to
    press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

    [/ QUOTE ] /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  6. behemoth

    behemoth 1/2 ton status

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    </font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
    Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper. They were quickly arrested.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    YUP - Only in kentucky !! /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif
     
  7. 4x4Freak

    4x4Freak 1/2 ton status

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    Last year someone ran into our fence and left the license plate laying on the ground after it was ripped off. /forums/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif
     

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