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Changing oil (A joke email)

Discussion in '1973-1991 K5 Blazer | Truck | Suburban' started by Eagle86K5, Mar 28, 2000.

  1. Eagle86K5

    Eagle86K5 1/2 ton status

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    Oil Changing Instructions

    Women:

    1.Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
    2.Drink a cup of coffee.
    3.15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
    maintained vehicle.


    Men:

    1.Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.

    2.Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

    3.Open a beer and drink it.
    4.Jack K5 up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
    5.Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
    6.In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7.Place drain pan under engine.
    8.Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
    9.Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10.Unscrew drain plug.
    11.Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
    12.Clean up.
    13.Have another beer while oil is draining.
    14.Look for oil filter wrench.
    15.Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
    16.Beer.
    17.Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
    18.Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath K5.
    19.Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
    20.Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
    21.Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
    22.Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
    23.Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    24.Remember drain plug from step 11.
    25.Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    26.Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
    27.Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
    28.Bang head on front differential in reaction.
    29.Begin cussing fit.
    30.Throw wrench.
    31.Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss
    December(1992) in the left boob.
    32.Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
    33.Beer.
    34.Beer.
    35.Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
    36.Beer.
    37.Lower K5 from jack stands
    38.Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
    39.Move K5 back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
    40.Drive K5



    <font color=green>Eagle86K5[​IMG]

    <font color=red>Only guy I know that can get out of line in a one car funeral
     
  2. cocky

    cocky Registered Member

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    That's pretty darn funny, sad thing it's true. Hmmmmm, on second thought it's not so sad.

    Richard
    1970 k5 Blazer
    Don't stand in front of a train naked
     
  3. Chaz88K5

    Chaz88K5 1/2 ton status

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    i do that all the time.....that is almost dead on. =-)
    no wait....add a few steps...change the walk to 7-11 to walk to quick stop and drag a keg home, crack the keg, drink half the keg, pass out in drive way, wake up at 4 am in drive way, explain to cops why i was "sleepin" in the drive way, try to act like i am not drunk, atempt dosent work..get thrown in police car, get bailed out of jail, come home, fnish oil change, walk inside the house, find the keg again, finish the rest of it off, get really drunk, find a chick (most of the time one that i wouldent get neer if i wasnet drunk), Hit on the ugly chick, get ugly chick in my bed somehow, mess around with ugly chick, pass out, wake up monday then go to work......now that makes more sence to me =-)
    Chaz

    "whoo my new pic is on the photo page...check it out!!"
     
  4. MICHIGAN BLAZER

    MICHIGAN BLAZER 1/2 ton status

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    HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....that is SOOOOOO funny.

    <font color=red>MICHIGAN BLAZER
    <font color=green>89 Fullsize Blazer
    87 Cherokee
    65 IH Scout
     
  5. Eagle86K5

    Eagle86K5 1/2 ton status

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    Sarah...I knew you would like it....[​IMG]

    <font color=green>Eagle86K5[​IMG]

    <font color=red>Only guy I know that can get out of line in a one car funeral
     
  6. '73 K5

    '73 K5 1/2 ton status

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    That was perfect. Now I know I'm not alone. Whenever I have a specific project outlined for the night, I usually get sidetracked and end up drinking a 30 pack with a couple friends. Love that Coors Extra Gold. $11.99 for 30 of 'em where I live.

    '73 K5
    Chevy good...Ford bad
     
  7. Corey-88K5

    Corey-88K5 1/2 ton status

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    Chaz...

    You never finished you oil change, guess you are looking for a new motor!

    Tell ya what, Granted I've never had that much trouble changing my oil, but I'd never take it to a engine oil buthcher place. The worst thing you can do to a vehicle is take it to one of those places...

    COrey
    88K5


    [​IMG]<font color=blue>Girls Like Guys In Bow Ties</font color=blue>
    <font color=red>http://www.geocities.com/corey_perez
     
  8. '73 K5

    '73 K5 1/2 ton status

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    Just remembered a terrible story y'all might enjoy. My best friends roommate took his Grand Am with about 200k miles to a Walmart for an oil change. They drained the oil and then started the engine for a few seconds and it seized up. The punk kid that did it said he heard that it would help purge the rest of the oil out of the engine. Anyways he got fired and Walmart had to buy the roommate a brand new engine.
    Oh yea, one more. A girl I used to work with took her car to another Walmart (see a trend here?) for an oil change. After the amazingly successful oil change, the punk kid employee wrapped her car around a phone poll doing 50 mph in the parking lot. Said he was just "test driving" it. Thats why even if I'm 90 years old and in a wheelchair, I'm still going to change my own oil.

    '73 K5
    Chevy good...Ford bad
     
  9. Corey-88K5

    Corey-88K5 1/2 ton status

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    73 K5,

    If you are 90 years old, in a wheel chair and still driving, let me know where you are... I want to be as far away as I can get...

    Corey
    88K5

    [​IMG]<font color=blue>Girls Like Guys In Bow Ties</font color=blue>
    <font color=red>http://www.geocities.com/corey_perez
     
  10. Dieselmh

    Dieselmh 1/2 ton status

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    If you're 90 years old and in a wheelchair, you don't need a truck. Just slap an engine on your chair and take off.

    Diesel
    If it ain't broke, fix it 'til it is [​IMG]
     
  11. Blazin'Grrl

    Blazin'Grrl Registered Member

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    No, no, got it all wrong! I don't pay anyone to change my oil, I make my boyfriend do it! Stand back, smoke, drink Coke, listen to him cuss, laugh when he gets oil all over himself, get down underneath to undo the oil filter because he can't, "his hands are too oily" stand back again and watch him do the rest, knowing I have the power, because he knows if he doesn't do it for me, he's out a lot of sex!! haha

    Not really, but that would be cool. I don't have a b/f, and if I did, there's no WAY he'd be touching my truck. :)

    <font color=purple>Sarah</font color=purple>
    <font color=purple>[​IMG]'83 K-5 Silverado Blazer[​IMG]</font color=purple>
     
  12. jmpd

    jmpd 1/2 ton status

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    Great story, It is soooooo true. My problem is I start out to do a simple preventative maintenance and end upfinding something else that needs to be fix and then breaking it, stripping it, shorting it out, or whatever else. And I'm usually distracted by my buddies bench-racing and drinking, that my simple project took all Saturaday.

    Oh wel,l just the price I pay for being a car/truck/atv/ anything with a motor guy
     
  13. Steve88

    Steve88 1/2 ton status

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    You need to use the "Tim Allen" formula. Take the time you think it's supposed to take to do the project, and multiply by 4. Works everytime...

    Got my wife the other day though. Told her I was going to change the oil in her car and the K5 and I'd be done within an hour. Already had the case of oil and both filters. To her amazement it only took 2.5 hours! HA! (...well you see her car is a pain in the arse, and then I had to clean up the mess her car left from the bogus place they put the oil-filter, and of course on the rig I like to spend time under there making sure things aren't leaking and all...and still it took 1.5 hours less than expected!! ya-hoo!)

    [​IMG]

    <font color=red>Steve88</font color=red>[​IMG]
    88K5 Silverado
    thunderdog@metallica.com
     
  14. 85blaze

    85blaze 1/2 ton status

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    Thats great, I read it at work and thought the boss would hear me laughing... thats so true and, am i right in saying were proud of it? :)

    Blaze On ----- into the $$$ pit! Dang these things can cost ya alot!
     
  15. Eagle86K5

    Eagle86K5 1/2 ton status

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    Hey we are men...we are proud....we relish the thought that no matter the cost or personal sacrifice...we can stand there rub our hands together and say....I did it all by myself....male ego...ain't it great!

    <font color=green>Eagle86K5[​IMG]

    <font color=red>Only guy I know that can get out of line in a one car funeral
     
  16. '73 K5

    '73 K5 1/2 ton status

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    Right on Eagle. I feel guilty if I have to take my K5 to the shop. Its like admitting defeat.

    '73 K5
    Chevy good...Ford bad
     
  17. K5 NUTT

    K5 NUTT 1/2 ton status

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    Bravo...that was a good one...and so close to the truth!!! Lol!!

    AZBLAZER

    1979 K5
    1976 K5 Chalet
    1972 K10 Suburban
     
  18. Blazerbob

    Blazerbob 1/2 ton status

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    What is an oil filter wrench? Thought you were supposed to use a screwdriver.lol

    <font color=blue>Blazerbob</font color=blue>[​IMG]
     
  19. shaggyk5

    shaggyk5 1/2 ton status

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    That is damn close to the actual way that i do it too....all except the beer part.....being as how i'm underage and all......uh....yeah....thats it....umm....

    shaggyk5

    aint nuthin in the world like a heavy chevy!!
     
  20. HAHAHAHOHOHOHEHEHE

    '84 K5

    Chevy in my blood.
     

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