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CHRISTMAS WITH LOUISE

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by thatK30guy, Dec 25, 2002.

  1. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

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    CHRISTMAS WITH LOUISE
    > > As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his
    > > fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to
    fill
    > > them.
    > >
    > > What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true
    because
    > > every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were
    > > overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
    > >
    > > One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses
    and
    > > went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those
    things
    > > at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've
    > > never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse
    yourself.
    > > I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?"
    "You're
    > > kidding me!" "Who would buy that?"
    > >
    > > Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy
    a
    > > standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a
    passenger
    > > in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
    > >
    > > Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many
    different
    > > models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box,
    could do
    > > things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for
    > > "Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale.
    > >
    > > To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination. On
    Christmas
    > > Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My
    > > sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee
    > > morning hours, long after Santa had come and gone. I filled the
    > > dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate
    some
    > > cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby
    tray. I
    > went
    > > home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
    > >
    > > The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to
    his
    > > house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left
    the
    > > dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back
    and
    bark
    > > some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty
    hose so
    > the
    > > rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the
    > traditional
    > > Christmas dinner.
    > >
    > > My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door.
    "What
    > > the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a
    > > doll."
    > >
    > > "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had
    > > several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.
    > >
    > > "Where are her clothes?", Granny continued.
    > >
    > > "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay
    > > said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was
    > > relentless.
    > >
    > > "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but
    why
    > > would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of
    the
    > > ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, Hang on!"
    > >
    > > My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up
    to
    > > me and said," Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told
    him
    > > she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the
    mantel,
    > > talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was
    then
    > that
    > > we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
    > >
    > > We made small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who
    should
    > > be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot
    like my
    > > father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the
    panty
    > > hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of
    the
    sofa.
    > >
    > > The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and
    Grandpa
    > ran
    > > across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth
    to
    > > mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet
    his
    pants
    > > and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat
    in
    the
    > > car.
    > >
    > > It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
    > >
    > > Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination
    to
    > > decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise
    had
    > > suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
    Fortunately,
    > > thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to
    perfect
    > > health.
    > >
    > > Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. I think
    > > Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.
     
  2. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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  3. eds77k5

    eds77k5 1/2 ton status

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