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Co. Christmas Party,,,

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by wasted wages, Dec 20, 2005.

  1. wasted wages

    wasted wages 3/4 ton status

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    Location:
    Dallas Texas
    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    > TO: All Employees > >

    > DATE: December 1, 2005 > >
    > RE: Christmas Party
    >
    > I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will
    >take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function
    >room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
    >We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing
    >along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
    >Claus!
    > A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among
    >employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over
    >$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
    > This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a
    >special announcement at that time! > >
    > Merry Christmas to you and your family.
    > Patty
    > ****************************************************************
    > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    > TO: All Employees > >
    > DATE: December 2, 2005 > >
    > RE: Holiday Party > > > >
    > In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
    >employees.
    > We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often
    >coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However,
    >from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party."
    > The same policy applies to any other employees who are not
    >Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be
    >no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other
    >types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?
    > Happy Holidays to you and your family.
    > Patty
    >
    >******************************************************************
    > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    > TO: All Employees
    > DATE: December 3, 2005 > >
    > RE: Holiday Party
    >
    >
    > Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
    >Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your
    name.
    >I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
    >that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I
    >supposed to handle this?...Somebody?
    > Forget about the gifts exchange, no gift exchanges are allowed
    >since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and
    >executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
    > NO GIFT EXCHANGES WILL BE ALLOWED.
    >
    >******************************************************************
    > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    > To: All Employees > >
    > DATE: December 4, 2005 > >
    > RE: Holiday Party
    > What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20
    >begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and
    >drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
    >appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our
    >Muslim employees' beliefs. >
    > Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
    >the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it
    home
    >in a little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
    > Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
    >farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table
    >closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other.
    >Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own
    >table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table.
    > To the person asking permission to cross dress, no
    >cross-dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people.
    >Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control
    >the salt used in the food - we suggest for those people with high blood
    >pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for
    >diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
    > Did I miss anything?!?!?
    >
    > Patty
    >
    >*****************************************************************
    > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    > TO: All F*cking Employees
    > DATE: December 05, 2005
    > RE: The F*cking Holiday Party
    > Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to
    >keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you
    >can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you
    >so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f***ing salad bar, including
    >organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They
    scream
    >when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream
    >right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
    > Drive drunk and die,
    >
    > The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
    >
    >***********************************************************************
    *
    >****
    > FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
    > DATE: December 06, 2005
    > RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
    >
    > I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
    >recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the
    >meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give
    >everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
    >
    > Happy Holidays!
     
  2. badfish4tail

    badfish4tail 1/2 ton status

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    :haha: :haha:
    That sounds like my company......cant say "christmas" anymore:doah:
     
  3. shewheeler

    shewheeler 1/2 ton status

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    Rotflmao!
     
  4. kyser_soze

    kyser_soze 1/2 ton status

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    Very funny.:haha:
     
  5. MTChevy

    MTChevy 3/4 ton status Premium Member

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    Ehh that was a goodun!:D
     
  6. Stickseler

    Stickseler 3/4 ton status

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    Thats some funny s#!t and Ive never seen it before (seriuosly)......Nice Post :D
     
  7. k20

    k20 3/4 ton status

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    Hilarious
     
  8. Grieby54

    Grieby54 1/2 ton status

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    Someone's posted that before...?
     
  9. santana

    santana 1/2 ton status

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    That sucks, this is the first time I see it.
     
  10. GotLabs

    GotLabs 1/2 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Nice, kinda sounds like the military!
     
  11. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Its even funny the third time.
     
  12. Corey 78K5

    Corey 78K5 1 ton status

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    That goes against Your rights to free speech and freedom of religion. They can not make You not say Christmas.
     
  13. Grieby54

    Grieby54 1/2 ton status

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    These days it's more like freedom FROM religion...
     
  14. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    It's like deja vu all over again...[​IMG]
     
  15. badfish4tail

    badfish4tail 1/2 ton status

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    That's okay cuase i am a non-believer anyways;)
    Would like to thank baby jesus for the day off tho:bow:
     

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