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Comprehending Engineers

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by kennyw, Aug 14, 2003.

  1. kennyw

    kennyw N9PHW Premium Member

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    Comprehending Engineers --Take One
    A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, " What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
    The doctor chimed in," I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
    The pastor said," Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]
    " Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
    The greenskeeper replied, " Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
    The group was silent for a moment.
    The pastor said," That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
    The doctor said, " Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
    The engineer thought for a second and said, " Why can't these guys play at night?"

    Comprehending Engineers-Take Two
    A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked to review this mathematical problem. In a high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous distance apart. The mathematician, physicist, and engineer were asked, " When will the girls and boys meet?" The mathematician said, " Never." The physicist said, " In an infinite amount of time." The engineer said, " Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes."

    Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
    There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small " x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, This is where your problem is" . The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1 Knowing where to put it $49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

    Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
    The Top 10 Things Engineering School Didn't Teach
    1. There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
    2. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
    3. Not everything works according to the specs in the data book.
    4. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
    5. Always try to fix the hardware with software.
    6. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
    7. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
    8. Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
    9. If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
    10. Dilbert is a documentary.

    Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
    What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
    Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

    Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
    The graduate with a Science degree asks, " Why does it work?"
    The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, " How does it work?"
    The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, " How much will it cost?"
    The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, " Do you want fries with that?"

    Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
    Engineers think that equations approximate the real world.
    Scientists think that the real world approximates equations.
    Mathematicians are unable to make the connection...

    Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
    Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.'' Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.'' The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''

    Comprehending Engineers-Take Nine
    A priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined. The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens. He declares that he's been saved by divine intervention, so he's let go. The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade. He claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free too. They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and says, " Wait a minute, I see your problem......"

    Comprehending Engineers-Take Ten
    An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, " I like both." " Both?" the architect and artist asked. " Yeah" said the engineer. " If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

    Comprehending Engineers-Take Eleven
    An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. " Where did you get such a rockin' bike?" asked the first. The second engineer replied " Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want.'" The second engineer nodded approvingly " Good choice! The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

    Comprehending Engineers-Take Twelve
    A PESSIMIST sees a glass that's half empty
    An OPTIMIST sees a glass that's half full
    AN ENGINEER sees a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be
     
  2. mudhog

    mudhog THEGAME Staff Member Super Moderator

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  3. k5ntexas

    k5ntexas 1/2 ton status

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  4. behemoth

    behemoth 1/2 ton status

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  5. Muddytazz

    Muddytazz 1 ton status

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  6. BrianDamage

    BrianDamage 1/2 ton status

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    my definition of an engineer is someone with alot of book smarts and absolutely no real-world knowledge. Been working in the electrical trade for 10 years, and that seems to be the norm. Some guy or gal sitting in an office telling me something will work in the field just because it will on paper.
     
  7. behemoth

    behemoth 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    Some guy or gal sitting in an office telling me something will work in the field just because it will on paper.

    [/ QUOTE ]
    If the people in the field would build it right the first time, then it WILL work !! /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  8. Confedneck

    Confedneck 3/4 ton status

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    if engineers knew half of what they thought they did, then i wouldnt have to fix so many broken down cars, would i? /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     

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