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Convince me otherwise....

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by fabjunkie, Jul 28, 2006.

  1. fabjunkie

    fabjunkie 1/2 ton status

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    This is something that has been bothering me for a while now, and this thread has spawned off of a couple threads here and one on pirate. I turn 25 at the end of next month and recently married this past April. While we both want kids, to start in a year or two, I'm having some thoughts about it. We are waiting to get out of this area and be settled a little more, but that's another topic.

    I've been following the "fatherhood rawks" thread over on pirate the last couple of days. (here for those who don't travel over there) Reading everyone's posts has made me smile and look forward to having my chance of creating my own little monsters. At the same time though, I can't ignore everything going on in the world today, particularly to our east and south. Now I don't want this thread to turn into a political pissing match, but these issues are causing me to think twice about bringing another life into this world.

    I've always considered myself an "old soul", being more of mind of my preceding generations. It seems that, and I'm sure I'm not the only noticing, that our lives as we live them may change drastically in the next, oh say, 50 years. I'm not talking about flying cars or Taco Bell being the last resturant. With how PC everything must be these days, it seems that there may be no saving what was once the "American Way". It has been infested with people who have no respect for what built this country, yet have every intention to use what it has produced and built. I'm not saying that all of these people are bad, but they are essentially changing our system and turning our country into the ones that they are trying to leave. I don't want to get into all this too much as there are already threads about all these issues.

    I guess what I'm trying to get at is this. I'm afraid of what our great country is turning into. I'm not sure I want to deal with all the bs coming our way, (as if there is a choice) much less bring in another person knowing that there is a good possibility they are going to have it even worse in their lifetime. I don't know how long it will take to destroy what I feel many of us on this board view as America, but I want my offspring to enjoy this country for what it once was and hopefully will be in years to come.

    I'm not really sure what the point of this thread is. I guess just convince me one way or the other that making babies and having a family is worth it, no matter what the future may bring. :o
     
  2. SkulzNBonz

    SkulzNBonz 1/2 ton status

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    The meaning of life is to propagate. I served my country and back the current military actions in hopes that my children will not have to, but I also hope that if it is necessary, my little warriors will help keep the American dream alive. Amen and Semper Fi.

    John
     
  3. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    The long and the short of it is that:

    A: Worrying about the future is not a good reason not to have kids.


    B: Having kids and raising them with the values you feel the rest of the world lacks is an effective way to bring about the change you want for the future.


    C: Kid kick ass, you'll love it.
     
  4. fordeater

    fordeater 1/2 ton status Premium Member

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    I agree.
     
  5. onlychevy6

    onlychevy6 1/2 ton status

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    let me be the first to say this. You will never be ready to have kids. I have two awesome girls myself. My first came to me when i was 20 or 21 i forget now. LOL.. But seriously you cannot get all worked up about what is going on. Money will come and go. But your kids are your life. You will do anything for them. Or at least i do. When you grow up with not much and it is your turn to create you always want better for your kids.

    Here is how i look at things. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Kids are great but prepare yourself for some struggles.

    Just my .02
     
  6. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    The world has always been in a "changing" state. Have kids, raise them right and change it for the better. Kids are great. Not easy, but great things never are.
     
  7. Can Can

    Can Can Pusher Man Staff Member Super Moderator

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    X 66 Billion. I couldn't have said it better myself.......

    Look at this way, brother. Had people stopped having children because the future seemed less-than-bright, we would have run out of people by now. In the past 100 years, we have seen a constant stream of conflict and wars, as well as a rapidly changing way of life, both good and bad. What keeps the world running is a steady supply of energetic and innovative young people who aren't yet jaded.

    On a personal note, kids keep you young. And there's no better feeling in the world than walking into your little one's room in the morning and having him/her look up at you from their crib with a big, heart-melting smile and a twinkle in their eye. Trust me.:deal:
     
  8. TSGB

    TSGB 1 ton status

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    So have children, and teach them to stand and battle for what is right.
     
  9. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Eh, go for it, if you're ready for the responsibility, but keep it small, for God's sake

    Make sure you;re doing it because you truly want to. Better no than yes. Maybe adopt, eh?
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2006
  10. jekbrown

    jekbrown I am CK5 Premium Member GMOTM Winner Author

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    meh. me thinks your gut is trying to tell you something, and it probably doesn't have anything to do with the way the world is 'changing'. I recommend waiting.

    j
     
  11. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

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    Perfectly said. Not to belittle your feelings, but every generation has had their share of worries. I actually think things are getting better all the time. As you go back further in time, the worries started with not being eaten by a bigger animal, followed by spending all day trying to find your next meal, followed by avoiding those who had more power than you, followed by trying to find a country with liberty and freedom. Now most kids worry about whether or not they have the latest technological gadget, whether they should have sex at 13 or 16, how many zits they have, or some other more inane concern. Sure, there are world problems, but the capacity to live a full and joyous life is much greater now.

    Having said that, we waited until we were ready for kids before we started. In my opinion, establish a strong relationship with your wife, get a solid career going, and get some of your kicks out of the way first. Many people rush into kids, then find out their relationship wasn't as good as they thought. Divorce follows which only screws the kids. You can't wait forever, but you can take steps to prepare a good home for them to arrive in.
     
  12. fabjunkie

    fabjunkie 1/2 ton status

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    Jek, you're right, I'm not ready just yet. I am concerened with what the future holds though.

    Although CanCan is right, I guess there was always the Germans, the Japanese, or Vietnam, or the Russians. I guess sometimes you've seen too many movies, and you're imagination gets to you a little. Always fearing the worst has never helped me either. :rolleyes:

    Like I said, we are going to wait a couple years. Neither of us are "ready" for it yet, but we want to expand the family we've already started. I grew up in a broken home and moved around a LOT growing up. One of my biggest things is not putting my kids through that. We both have good jobs, although I'm not completely set with what I'm doing.

    I guess my biggest fear is becoming my own father, not that he was a terrible person, but he wasn't there. If it wasn't for everything I've been through though, I wouldn't be half the person I am today. I know how not to raise my kids. I know the time will come, and I'm sure my mindset on it will change drastically in the next couple of years. Thanks guys. Sometimes I just need a little reassurance on things.
     
  13. 68MUDSTUD

    68MUDSTUD OCD with shiny things

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    im only 18 but i have actually been thinking about this too, i mean, when i get older. lets see, ok lets go back to the 1800s. do you think everyone really thought steam engines were GREAT? dont you think that some were thinking the same way as you and i are? if everyone thought about this as you and i do, there would be no future in 100 years. everyone would be gone, just animals left... I believe a man should try everything once. and if you do have little ones, i think theyll help keep you young. granted, they may give you some grey hairs when they get older, i think it would be worth it. i mean, wouldnt you want to try and give the world some of your blood? teach your kids right and wrong? If you do have kids, i would do what my dad did. My dad let me learn a LOT on my own. my mom was ALWAYS putting pressure on me. and you know what you absolutely hated about growing up, and what you loved. but everything you do as a parent your kids will look up to.

    PLUS, Youll get more Fathers day gifts!!! YIPPEE!!!:D
     
  14. jekbrown

    jekbrown I am CK5 Premium Member GMOTM Winner Author

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    sounds like a plan. personally, I'm getting fixed... but thats just me. :thumb:

    j
     
  15. 3 on the tree

    3 on the tree 1/2 ton status

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    As a father of 5, and stepfather of 2 more, I feel qualified to respond to this thread. I will be 58 when my youngest daughter graduates from high school. I do not regret having children, nor would I change anything about them.

    Being a parent is the most important job in the world. It is also the most frustrating and stressful. However, the rewards you receive are greater than you can imagine. Noone can prepare you for parenthood, or adequately describe the whole experience. Our children are the motivators for mosot of what we parents do. They are our sunshine on a dreary day. Just having a child look up at you and say "I Love You" turns a tragedy of a day into a good day.:D
     
  16. mikey_d05

    mikey_d05 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Alright, so I'm only 19 and really have no qualification to reply to this thread...however...

    I'm not a huge fan of today's society, and even though I want to have a child or two just for the sake of it, I also feel that it's somewhat of a moral responsibility if I feel that I can raise a child that will be a positive force, no matter how small, in this world.

    What I'm trying to say is, if you're a little scared about bringing up a kid in this world, it's definitely understandable. But, wait until you're ready, have as many kids as you feel comfortable with, and raise them all to the best of your ability. With enough children like that, the world will be a better place.

    That's my plan anyways, I'mma keep dreaming now. :doah:
     
  17. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

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    Are you broken Jek?
     
  18. 4by4bygod

    4by4bygod 1/2 ton status

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    It's never the "right time" to do anything big.. have kids, switch jobs, whatever.. base your decision on whether or not you want to be a dad forever, then marry somebody who thinks like you do.. As has been said, if you raise 'em the right way, they'll make it, regardless of what's going on..

    On the other hand..

    If you don't want to be a dad, don't let society push you into having kids just 'cause it's expected..Don't base your decision on other people's experience, 'cause not everyone's being honest when they tell you how happy they are about being parents..


    Tom
     
  19. bigbluesuburban

    bigbluesuburban 1/2 ton status

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    The fact that you are conerned about these issues, the fact that you have reservations about bring a child into this world, the fact that you take the time write down these concerns and get advice from other, and the fact that you obviously want the best for your kids, gives me hope that you will be a good parent.

    I am NOT a parent. But I observe them, the good, the bad, and the 'should not have competed' on a daily basis. I tend to see that the 'good' have taken time to consider what they are doing and what their decisions will mean to their children. The 'bad' can be a mix of those who have not considered any of the consequences of their actions and are living for the moment with no consideration for the lives under thier charge, and those who are living out the legacy given to them by the poor examples they were raised with. The bad have the opportunity to change and many do. And the 'should not have competed' are self explanitory, they are the candidates for social cleansing.

    Be one of the 'good' and from your comments it appears that you are headed in the right direction.

    I won't be a father, the idea of being in charge of the care, feeding and social development of a little human being is just a setup for catastrophic failure on my part.

    Good Luck though.
     

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