> > You know, I've never been much for shopping > > In fact I try to stay away from town > > Except when shipping time comes, > > I ain't easily found. > > > > But the day came when I had to go > > And I left the kids with ma > > But before I left she asked me, > > "Would you pick me up a bra?" > > > > Without thinkin' I said "sure," > > How tough could that job be? > > I bent down and kissed her > > And said, "I'll be back by three." > > > > Well, when I done the things I needed > > I started to regret > > Ever offering to buy that thing, > > I was working up a sweat. > > > > I crossed the street to the ladies shop > > With my hat pulled over my eyes, > > I wasn't takin' any chances > > On bein' recognized. > > > > I walked right up to the sales clerk > > I didn't hem or haw > > I told the lady right straight out, > > "Ma'am, I'm here to buy a bra." > > > > >From behind I heard some snickers > > So I turned around to see > > At least fifteen women in the store > > And they's all gawkin' at me! > > > > "What kind would you be looking for?" > > "Well," I just scratched my head > > I'd only seen one kind before > > "Thought bras was bras," I said. > > > > She gives me a disgusted look > > "Well sir, that's where you're wrong. Come with me," I heard her say, > > And like a dog, I tagged along. > > > > She took me down this alley > > Where bras was on display > > Well I thought my jaw'd hit the floor > > When I seen that lingerie. > > > > They had all these different styles > > That I'd not seen before > > I thought that I'd go crazy > > 'fore I left that women's store. > > > > They had bras you wear for eighteen hours > > And bras that cross your heart > > There was bras that lift and separate, > > And that was just the start. > > > > They had bras that made you feel > > Like you weren't wearing one at all > > And bras that you can train in > > When you start off when you're small. > > > > Well I finally make my mind up > > Picked a black and lacy one > > I told the lady, > > "Bag it up," And figured I was done. > > > > But then she asked me for the size. > > I didn't hesitate. > > I knew them measurements by heart, > > "Six and seven eighths." > > > > "Six and seven eighths, well sir, > > That really isn't right." > > "Oh yes ma'am, I'm positive, > > I just measured them last night." > > > > I thought that she'd go into shock, > > Musta took her by surprise > > When I told her that my wife's bust > > Was the same as my hat size. > > > > "That's what I use to measure with, > > I figured it was fair > > But If I'm wrong I'm sorry ma'am." > > This drew another stare. > > > > By now a crowd had gathered > > And they's all crackin' up > > When the lady asked to see my hat, > > To measure for the cup. > > > > When she finally had it figured > > I gave the gal her pay > > I turned to leave the store, > > Tipped my hat and said, "Good day." > > > > My wife heard the whole story > > 'fore I ever made it home > > She'd talked to fifteen women > > Who'd called her on the phone. > > > > She was still a-laughin' > > But by then I didn't care > > Now she don't ask and I don't shop > > For no more women's underwear.