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Dad's & Grandpa's advice needed

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Cricket, Oct 31, 2006.

  1. Cricket

    Cricket 3/4 ton status

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    I would like to hear a few opinions from Dads and Grandads.

    My Grandson Elijah is turning 4, lately he has been going through a new phase. He does not want to accept his position as a "child" and feels he should have the same voice as an adult. He refuses to listen and has developed a mouth that just doesn't quit. He goes out of his way to do the wrong thing. Yesterday as I passed by him I said, Hello Elijah". He responded with, "What's up punk".

    It took all I had in me not to pop his head off at the socket.

    Needless to say he was disciplined and apologized, whereupon I did my best to explain what the word meant and why he couldn't use it. After a lot of tears and some post event consolation he was fine. His behavior comes and goes but there is not a day that goes by where he doesn't push his luck. I'm at a bit of a loss. I haven't hit him yet but I sure have been tempted. I'd rather save something like that for worst case scenarios. So far he's just been irritating.

    Now his dad left them when he was only 3 months old. That's another story entirely. I bring it up only because I think it bears on the conversation. No dad at home and an only child.

    Elijah is very active physically, not a quiet child. You can wrestle with him, run around and play, he just gets more amped up. He loves to verbally mouth off when his mood hits. His mom has used spanking, time out, engaging verbally, et. Not much seems to work.

    Any other Fathers been through something similar want to throw in some constructive advice? I'm all ears. Both my daughter and son didn't start this kind of behavior until much later. Age 4 seems unusual to me.
     
  2. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Hang in there dood, probably just being a 4 year old.My Son was and still is the same way, I think I'm partially to blame since I raised him from day one and refused to treat or talk to him like a baby, always like another adult. That makes it quite a hastle sometimes to make him understand he's just a kid and I'm the adult and he needs to just do what I tell him...I have no doubt that he wouldn't fit into a conventional school setting either, they would kick him out or demand he be put on drugs...Gawd I love my kid, he's so evil....:D Just keep doing what you're doing and he should be fine...;)
     
  3. bigbadchev84

    bigbadchev84 1/2 ton status

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    X2 on what fumes said, my daughter is turning 4 in 10 days, sounds just like her, so i would have to say he is just being a 4year old, she is always trying to see how far she can push me and the wife, but we will definately let her know when she crosses the line, we refuse to treat her like a baby and more like an adult, and because of that i think she is very advanced for her age. My best advice is to keep doing what your doing and smack him around a little if he is way out of line. Im sure he is a smart kid and will catch on quick. good luck
     
  4. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Sounds a lot like my 3 year old daughter. She is testing the limits right now. My 6 year old did the same thing. He outgrew it and knows, more or less, where the line is drawn.

    Stay firm on where that line he will figure it out. Or let him go wild and get a lawyer on retainer now.:D
     
  5. Cricket

    Cricket 3/4 ton status

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    You accept 12 year retainers? :haha:

    Thanks for the advice guys. I just feel my role is twice as important now because he has no "Father" figure at home. He loves me more than I would consider normal because I'm the only male that has shown him affection and understanding. He will literally act like he's on speed when I show up. I try to be far more careful in my actions toward him due to that increased importance. I understand that my actions today will reflect in his personality years from now. And I thought be a grandad was going to be an easy ride.

    This must be why whiskey becomes so much more important later in life.:doah:
     
  6. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Time spent alone in the woods also works wonders for your soul...:D
     
  7. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    There is very little more important for a boy than a good male role model. Just a thought, but maybe you should take Fumes' kid too....;) :D
     
  8. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    He did make the mistake of giving me his address....:haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  9. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Just remember to put holes in the box before the UPS guy picks it up.

    [​IMG]
     
  10. Cricket

    Cricket 3/4 ton status

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    If that happens I'll graduate from whiskey to rope. :D
     
  11. onlychevy6

    onlychevy6 1/2 ton status

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    i must agree with everyone. as a father myself my 4 year old daughter is the same way. has an attitude like you would not believe. she listens pretty good for me but laughs at her mom when she yells at her. her mom spoiled her as a baby with no disapline. she always sent her to me to be the bad parent. however she has gotten brave and tried to test me. a quick swat on the @$$ and things change. my 12 year old was the same also. except i was a single dad then. raising kids on your own is tough. i did it for 8 years before i met my significant other. just be strong for your grand kid and don't be affraid to put your foot down.
     
  12. 76zimmer

    76zimmer Flyin Rat Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    be consistent with discipline also. You and your daughter need to get that straight between you, so he knows what the limits are.
     
  13. 3 on the tree

    3 on the tree 1/2 ton status

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    James, I feel for you, but I can't reach you.:D
    I bet when he is at home alone with mom, she probably talks to him like an adult, so he thinks thats the way its supposed to be.
    Grey hair is hereditary-you get it from your kids.:doah:
    Try telling him you will not talk or play with him as long as he is showing an attitude. All my kids (7) tried copping attitudes early on, but I am old school, so that resulted in whoopings.:eek1:
    Does mom let him get away with the mouth and attitude? All adults have to be consistent in their expectations of him, or he will just stay in trouble, cause some people laugh and others get upset.
    Good luck, gramps. If all else fails, squirt him in the face with a water pistol, when he gets out of line.
     
  14. 77crewcab

    77crewcab 1/2 ton status

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    My son is 3 and does much the same. My wife (just not a threating person especially since he is already more than half her height) will let him get away with murder and just keeps threating him (spankings, time out etc) but never does anything or when she does it just isn't enough. As a result he has tried to push limits with me. The difference is that I don't hesitate to bust his butt when he is out of line. Don't think that it is going to traumatize the kid to be firm with him it sounds like that is really what he needs. A big part of male single children living with single moms seems to be discipline or a lack thereof especially from a male role model. Some times a whooping is just what is needed.
     
  15. Cricket

    Cricket 3/4 ton status

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    You can reach me now that I have caught up somewhat. I just won't be on the board every day. :D

    Mandy keeps him in check consistently and does a good job of staking out boundaries. The problem is Elijah and his sudden beligerance. He knows exactly what will happen to him but misbehaves regardless. Mandy is as good as a single parent can be from my view, and we support her wherever we can. Gerri however thinks she spanks a little too often instead of explaining things on his level first.

    Having initially grown up myself under the heavy hand of a Nazi boot camp Father, I recognize the need for a balance of Love, Discipline, and Guidance. One without the others just doesn't work. I've seen some of the Time-Out kids, they are worthless sacks of poo IMO. I've also experienced the extreme disciplinary side which just makes you violent. I'm trying to thread the needle betwixt the two.

    I appreciate the outside perspective, it helps me to gauge my own responses.
     
  16. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

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    I'm on the other side of the camp, whatever his problem is, I don't think it's acceptable to act out like he is. Kids all seem to react differently to different discipline, so you just gotta find what works.
    It sounds like the respect isn't there. Is this something he could be picking up from someone else? Do you have any buddies that come over and bust your chops in front of him? Do you any of your kids jabber like that to you (which might be fine now that they're adults, but he may not get that concept yet)?

    My guess is that it's behavior he's impressed with somewhere else, and he's mimicking it somewhat. Maybe he flipped to MTv before preschool?
    The discipline not working might mean that particular technique is just ineffective, or, he may not grasp what behavior is not actually acceptable.
    Remember also, in his world right now, Superman is a real person, and the Power Rangers are the police...

    I've been drinking, so I apologize in advance if my thoughts seems scattered and dosigornazed.
     
  17. jekbrown

    jekbrown I am CK5 Premium Member GMOTM Winner Author

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    WWNTDD?

    aka, What Would Nineteen Twenties Dad Do? I don't think dad's should beat the **** out of their kids or anything... but kids are a little bit like terrorists, in that the only thing they understand (at certain ages, in certain phases) is physical force (or the threat of it). No rational/sane/smart/clever arguement is going to work, and I don't give a crap what Dr. Drew/Phil/Spock says.

    "Whats up punk?" could be roughly translated into: "I have no respect for you whatsoever... and this little test proves that I can get away with it". There is no way in hell I would have ever said something like that to my dad. I probably got spanked twice my entire childhood... but it was enough to know that my father was the master of the house.

    j
     
  18. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Spanking out of anger is never a good thing and only encourages the same from the child, I used spanking as an attention getter. In fact only really applied one good stinging smack to a fatty little butt. These days I would be tossed into jail because I left a red mark that would go away in a few minutes instead of a bruised brain:rolleyes: .My point is that he needs to understand that what he did won't cut it and that there are reprecussions for his actions...If you become angry from his actions and act out on him ,you will surely leave him with anger issues of his own...
     
  19. spoolnaround

    spoolnaround 1/2 ton status

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    When my kids were mouthy at 4 I gave them a shot of Tobasco on the toungue. Only had to do it a couple of times. The right move is explaining to him why its not acceptable to use the words he uses after you discipline. My oldest is 14 and youngest is 12, They are very good kids and well mannered and never talk back. I must have done something right. Kids will be kids though especially boys.
     
  20. jekbrown

    jekbrown I am CK5 Premium Member GMOTM Winner Author

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    Fumes, I'm gonna kick your... :mad: hey... wait a second! :eek1: :haha:

    j
     

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