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Dictionary For Women's Personal Ads

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Chevit, Jan 25, 2007.

  1. Chevit

    Chevit 1/2 ton status

    Dec 10, 2001
    Likes Received:
    dnaltroP, nogerO
    40-ish - 49
    Adventurous - Slept with everyone
    Athletic - No tits
    Average looking - Ugly
    Beautiful - Pathological liar
    Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
    Emotionally secure - On medication
    Feminist - Fat
    Free spirit - Junkie
    Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
    Fun - Annoying
    New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
    Open-minded - Desperate
    Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
    Passionate - Sloppy drunk
    Professional - Bitch
    Voluptuous - Very Fat
    Large frame - Hugely Fat
    Wants Soul mate - Stalker


    1. Yes = No
    2. No = Yes
    3. Maybe = No
    4. We need = I want
    5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
    6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
    7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
    8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
    9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
    10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?


    1. I am hungry = I am hungry
    2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
    3. I am tired = I am tired
    4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
    5. I love you = let's have sex now
    6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
    7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
    8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
    9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
    10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
    11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

    And finally.....

    A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrualcycle.
    For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
    However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside

  2. darkshadow

    darkshadow 1 ton status

    Dec 6, 2003
    Likes Received:
    hell I'd buy that for a doller!
  3. 79k20350

    79k20350 3/4 ton status

    Nov 22, 2004
    Likes Received:
    I think its a repost but its still FUNNAY!:haha:
  4. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

    Mar 17, 2004
    Likes Received:
    Grand Junction, CO
    I've got a friend doing the "Adulfriendfinder.com" thing and that's exactly how those read. He asks me to come with some times for a quick get out if necessary and holy hell some are beasties! (so far he hasn't bailed on any though, friggin gutterboy)
  5. 76zimmer

    76zimmer Flyin Rat Premium Member GMOTM Winner

    Nov 14, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Kzoo, Mi
    Say it like ya see it.....:haha: :haha: :haha:
  6. shewheeler

    shewheeler 1/2 ton status

    May 4, 2001
    Likes Received:
    Hollister, CA
    decode a men's personal ad

    40-ish: 59.
    Adventurous: Slept with everything (including the neighbours dog and my ex wife's shower cap).
    Athletic: I spend three hours a day in front of mirror flexing my non biceps and twitching my boob 'pecks' along to various Tom Jones tunes.
    Average looking: Danni Divito's body with Woody Allan's face.
    Handsome: Personal ad was written by his mother.
    Emotionally secure: Still married.
    In favour of woman's rights: Pathological liar.
    Free spirit: Open relationships wanted.
    Friendship first: Small penis.
    New-Age: I'll try anything.
    Old-fashioned: Male chauvinistic pig.
    Open-minded: Any age/any sex.
    Outgoing: I will talk/drink/shag anyone under the table.
    Professional: Toff.
    Cuddly: Beer belly/'high hips'.
    Large frame: Bed bound.
    Wants soul mate: Middle aged virgin.

    1. Yes = Yes (unless the question was, 'are you okay?' when the answer 'Yes' would mean, 'yes I was ok but now you have had to ask me I am not ok anymore')
    2. No = No (unless the question was related to food in which case the answer would mean 'no I don't want to appear greedy so I will just take from your plate').
    3. Maybe = No (unless you have a good bargaining tool).
    4. We need = You need... and I can't believe you haven't mentioned it yet.
    5. I am sorry = (followed by) but it's over.
    6. We need to talk = Turn off the tv and face me now, at least appear to be listening.
    7. Sure, go ahead = If you're ready for the consequences.
    8. Do what you want = If you're prepared to do it without me.
    9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
    10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Now I know how good it can be I will expect this every time.

    1. I am hungry = Make me dinner.
    2. I am sleepy = Go on top.
    3. I am tired = So I can't do anything for myself.
    4. Nice dress = Response to, 'does my butt look big in this?'
    5. I love you = Thank you for cooking/cleaning/ironing/generally taking over from my mother.
    6. I am bored = Can we stop talking about sex and start doing it?
    7. May I have this dance? = May I press myself up against you in an attempt to seem manly but really I am so lonely I need to get off any way I can?
    8. Can I call you sometime? = Do you have a muscle bound husband who is likely to beat me with a hammer if I call you?
    9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I am bored with your constant conversation, lets go somewhere it is actually frowned upon to talk.
    10. Can I take you out to dinner? = How about a Burger King?
    11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I have a death wish
  7. Chevit

    Chevit 1/2 ton status

    Dec 10, 2001
    Likes Received:
    dnaltroP, nogerO

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