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Email from an a$$hole

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Z3PR, Sep 14, 2002.

  1. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

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    > I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had
    > > forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialed it.
    > >
    > > A man answered saying, "Hello?"
    > >
    > > I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin. Could I please speak with
    > > Robin Carter?"
    > >
    > > Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me.
    > >
    > > I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down
    > > Robin's correct number, and called her. (I had transposed the last two
    > > digits of her phone number). After hanging up with her, I decided to
    > > call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I
    > > yelled, "You're an [censored]!" and hung up.
    > >
    > > I wrote his number down, with the word '[censored]' next to it, and put
    > > it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or
    > > had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an [censored]!"
    > > It always cheered me up.
    > >
    > > When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic '[censored]'
    > > calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this
    > > is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if
    > > you're familiar with the Caller ID program?"
    > >
    > > He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.
    > >
    > > I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
    > > [censored]!"
    > >
    > > So, one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking
    > > spot. Some boy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had
    > > patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting
    > > for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his
    > > car window, so I wrote down his number.
    > >
    > > A couple of days later, right after calling the first [censored] (I had
    > > his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW [censored],
    > > too.
    > >
    > > I dialed and someone said, "Hello?"
    > >
    > > I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
    > >
    > > "Yes it is."
    > >
    > > "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
    > >
    > > "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the
    > > car's parked right out front."
    > >
    > > "What's your name?" I asked.
    > >
    > > "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
    > >
    > > "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
    > >
    > > "I'm home every evening after five."
    > >
    > > "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
    > >
    > > "Yes?"
    > >
    > > "Don, you're an [censored]!" Then I hung up and added his number to my
    > > speed dial, too.
    > >
    > > Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. But after
    > > several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
    > > So, I came up with an idea.
    > >
    > > I called [censored] #1:
    > >
    > > "Hello".
    > >
    > > "You're an [censored]!" (but I didn't hang up.)
    > >
    > > "Are you still there?" he asked.
    > >
    > > "Yeah," I said.
    > >
    > > "Stop calling me," he screamed.
    > >
    > > "Make me," I said.
    > >
    > > "Who are you?" he asked.
    > >
    > > "My name is Don Hansen."
    > >
    > > "Yeah?
    > >
    > > "Where do you live?"
    > >
    > > "[censored], I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with my
    > > black Beemer parked in front."
    > >
    > > He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
    > > saying your prayers."
    > >
    > > I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, [censored]."
    > >
    > > Then I called [censored] # 2:
    > >
    > > "Hello?" he said.
    > >
    > > "Hello, [censored]," I said.
    > >
    > > He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
    > >
    > > "You'll what?" I said.
    > >
    > > "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
    > >
    > > I answered, "Well, [censored], here's your chance. I'm coming over right
    >now."
    > >
    > > Then, I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived
    > > at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay
    > > lover.
    > >
    > > Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West
    > > 34th Street.
    > >
    > > I quickly got into my car and headed over to West 34th Street.
    > >
    > > There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front
    > > of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter, and a TV news crew.
    > >
    > > Now, I feel a whole lot better. Life is good.
     
  2. muddysub

    muddysub 1 ton suburban status Staff Member Moderator GMOTM Winner

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    OH MY GOD!!!! /forums/images/icons/shocked.gif /forums/images/icons/shocked.gif ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif i just about fell out of my chair!!! /forums/images/icons/grin.gif
     
  3. Pure Insanity

    Pure Insanity 1/2 ton status

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    Good one Paul!

    ROTFLMAO! /forums/images/icons/grin.gif
     
  4. mudhog

    mudhog THEGAME Staff Member Super Moderator

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    rotflmfao!!!!!!!!!!! i love it /forums/images/icons/smile.gif
     
  5. leadfoot067

    leadfoot067 1/2 ton status

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    awsome!!!! i havent laughed like that in a long time .......thanks /forums/images/icons/wink.gif
     
  6. bryguy00b

    bryguy00b 3/4 ton status

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    i like it i like it!! /forums/images/icons/grin.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif
     
  7. therobzilla

    therobzilla 1/2 ton status

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    That is one of the funniest things I have read for quite some time. Thanks, for the post!!!!!

    I am howling my a$$ off.

    Rob
     
  8. Djroffroad

    Djroffroad 1/2 ton status

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    Best humor post I've seen in quite a while /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif
     
  9. 77fixer

    77fixer 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif can't /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif type /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif laugh /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif ing /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif too /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif hard /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif
     
  10. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

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    Taking this one back to the top!!! /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif

    Oh man!! I'm ROTFLMFAO!! /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif That was one of the best jokes, or story, I've ever heard!!! /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif /forums/images/icons/cool.gif
     
  11. mercercadet

    mercercadet 1/2 ton status

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    go away for a couple days and almost miss all the good stuf....that was awesome /forums/images/icons/grin.gif
     
  12. ntaj*ep

    ntaj*ep 1/2 ton status

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    U RULE! That is great!! /forums/images/icons/grin.gif
     
  13. K5Jimmy

    K5Jimmy 1/2 ton status

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    LMAO!!...scary part is this Could be a True story...
     
  14. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    /forums/images/icons/grin.gif /forums/images/icons/grin.gif /forums/images/icons/grin.gif
     
  15. Burbinator

    Burbinator 1/2 ton status

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    LMAO!!!

    Great post!
     
  16. Calclips

    Calclips 1/2 ton status

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    hahaha, I know everybody has already told you that it was funny............................................. but I don't care.... THAT WAS DAMN FUNNY!!!!!!! /forums/images/icons/grin.gif /forums/images/icons/grin.gif /forums/images/icons/grin.gif
     
  17. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

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    GAWD!!! This is soooo damn funny, I had to read it again and reply again!!! /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif
     
  18. k5ntexas

    k5ntexas 1/2 ton status

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    i think that is the funniest thing i've read in a really long time. that was great. hmmm i wanna try that. lol. later.

    jacob
     
  19. j20m715

    j20m715 1/2 ton status

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    That was great !
     

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