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Fathers, Dads, and male figures....

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Seventy4Blazer, Aug 21, 2005.

  1. Seventy4Blazer

    Seventy4Blazer 3/4 ton status

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    three different things...

    Father, the person who donateed a cell he produced to make your life.

    Dad, the guy who is there for you and your mother. you call him dad, and he may be your father. not always.

    male figure, the guy who you look up to who may or may not be one or both listed above. this guy is who you want to be like when older. maybe not to the "T" so to say, but much alike.

    i dont knwo what brought this on but i just wanted to see who is who.

    in my case i have never met my father, but my dad who married my mom at my age of 4 (im 25 now) addopted me and my half sister. this is both my mom and dads second mariage, my mom having my seister with the first and my dad not having any kids. my father has never tried to contact me, nor i him. some times i think about it, but never do. it isnt important to me really. i love my dad. who else do i need? my dad is also my largest male figure as he taught me a lot of what i know and who i am. goog guy old dad is.

    i have been a male fugure a few times in my life and think that i am fit for that role, but i hope to never be a father or a dad as i cant put up with children that are younger than 8 very well. thats why i like dogs... semi independant.... ;)

    so... where do you stand in life?

    Grant
    once again, i dont know where this came from.. it just kinda flowed out of my fingers.... yes, some times i get kinda deep... :p:
     
  2. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

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    I've watched a few friends go thru what you're experiencing. Them wondering about their biological parent whom they've never had contact with and finally meeting them.

    I say its normal to have these feelings. You are curious and wonder what your dad is like. You want to see him to know him and understand him. Probably more than anything else, you want to know "why". Why he left your mom, why he left you, why he didn't stick around, why he did'nt try. All perfectly understandable.

    All I can suggest is depending on how you really feel about this, is try to get ahold of him. What have you got to lose? Its better to go thru life knowing you actually met him than not and hold a grudge. Life is too short to pass this up.

    Who knows.....maybe if you do get ahold of him and meet, you two will become friends and stay in touch. If such a thing shall happen, I'd recommend you to talk to your mom before all this happens to see how she feels about it. Tell her your feelings and curiousity. The worst thing she could say is "no". Maybe she's trying to protect you. Maybe she's trying to protect herself. Who knows?

    Only time will tell. I say give it a shot and find the old man. Just don't get your hopes up and expect the unexpected. Take things slow if you meet him. Don't rush it and remember who your number one priority is.......your mother. She's the one who stuck by you. :thinking: :waytogo:
     
  3. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

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    I know where my father is, I don't wish to know anything about him, I keep track of him so I know where he is just for my own need to know. I don't want him to have any contact with my kids, he is an abusive POS that should stop breathing anyones air. When he leaves this earth, we all will be a bit better off!
     
  4. Seventy4Blazer

    Seventy4Blazer 3/4 ton status

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    no no, im not asking if i should meet him or not. it wouldnt be hard. i have met his wife.. also known as my moms cousin. i didnt knwo this at the tiem i met her, but no biggie.

    i was just wondering who all fits into this catagory or who all is a dad in such a way like this. i have his number sitting here along with his address. its not a big deal to me realy. the way i see it is if he isnt big enough a man to accept who i am, then why should i worry about it. it isnt a deal, big or small to me that i dont know him.

    this post was more of... me thinking outloud....
    Grant
     
  5. hi pinion

    hi pinion 3/4 ton status

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    Yeah,,,homeboy,,, i never met my dad until 3 years ago, and im 30. :angry1:

    To make along story short,,, after 27 years,,,i met him for the first time,,, but, he abandoned us when i was 1 yr old,, we never ever heard from him,,,
    anyone who abandons their own family, should be castrated and shot on site in my opinion. :angry1: The guy had a ton of money, and the rest of the family did too, but, they turned out to be the most snaky messed up bunch of idividuals ive ever seen. I was nice , or i treid to be, the whole 3 years i was in touch with him, and after a while, i started thinking,,,hmmm, i was alot better withought these people, HMMmmm,,and alot happyer too, and plus, this guy dosent care, otherwise, he would have stood up like a REAL man and taken care of his boy, instead of leaving him to rot, on some BROKE DOWN GOD FORSAKEN CHICKEN SHACK FARM!!!! :angry1:

    So, i wouldnt meet him if i were you, because when i met mine, i wanted to snap his neck in 2. I would stay so far away from that situation, just dont even go man. The thoughts kept reeling and reeling and reeling in my mind,"This ****er dosent give a **** about me, or my sons,,,***" :angry1:


    I would STRONTGLY RECOMEND, not meeting him,,, trust me man, dont do it. When you realize he was never there , because he flat out diddnt give a ****,,,, the curiousness, and what could have been love, turns to bitter hate. :angry1:

    As a matter a fact this thread is striking a cord with me, i cant even look at it anymore, because, hu, i start wanting to go "find" someone lol. :angry1:

    Also, there are a few other bastards like me,, floating around ck5 ,,who have went throught the same deal, met there dad, etc etc, so , when everything goes sour,,you can come hang out with us if ya want!!!!! Think of it as a ck5 support group ,,,lol. :waytogo: :usaflag:
     
  6. hi pinion

    hi pinion 3/4 ton status

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    Whats he got to say anyway??????????? WHAT HIS EXCUSE MAN???


    "Sorry son, i left you, and , never went to do a god damn thing for you,or your mother,, for almost 30 YEARS,,, because,,,,,,because ,,,ummmm, because,,,,


    because what????? Because he sucks!!! THATS WHY!!! :D
     
  7. hi pinion

    hi pinion 3/4 ton status

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    :waytogo: :saweet: :saweet: :saweet: :saweet: :saweet: :saweet: :waytogo:
     
  8. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

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    Jake...

    I could tell you stories that would have you just seething! My father is just plain a poor human being even if he say's otherwise! I can't imagine being part of his family, (he now has a different one from mine) he keeps sending gifts trying to get my kids to talk me into it. sometimes when I get to thinking about it I just want to kill him out right for the living hell he put me and my siblings and mother through. he's had 2 heart attacks maybe he'll have another! Satan is just droolin waiting for him to drop dead, then maybe all the Burg children can rest knowing the nightmare is over! He needs a long painful death! what a piece of sh!t :angry1: :angry1:
     
  9. hi pinion

    hi pinion 3/4 ton status

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    WORD!!!

    I dont think there IS an exuse, for walking out on your own man, its just not right, everyone says, "Just get over it," but, all throughought growing up, it was like ,,i was 8 yrs old, playing soccer or what not, everyone else has dads, i got no dad, the kids ask ,,"Wheres your dad?" And i say,,,"Oh i dunno" ,,,just look away,,,****ing hurts man. Just mom up in the bleachers.

    Just a bunch of permanent damage i would wish on my worst enemy.

    " I think thats where the term " Stronger than a bastard" comes from lol. :D

    But hey, if i had a dad, when i was 13 or so, i could have NEVER built my half pipe skateboard ramp in the LIVING ROOM like i did lol!!!! :haha:

    I feel the EXACT way you do man,, as a matter of fact, when my dad dies, :haha: Im gonna hammer a 1 1/2 x 10 ft long peice of cast iron pipe, though the ground,, so it goes through the coffin, :D ,,,and me and my boys can go pee in the pipe ,and hpoefully, IT WILL TINKLE ON HIS HEAD!!! :haha: :haha:

    I think he should NEVER meet his dad , EVER EVER. He should join the bastard club instead. :waytogo:

    I dont know about any of you out thewre, but, i would GLADLY lay my own life down for either of MY 2 boys. At any time :deal:

    So, if he is not willing to the same, hes not right in the head!!!! No matter what the couselors say! They just dont understand!!! :angry1:
     
  10. 78jimmygirl

    78jimmygirl Registered Member

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    My situation is pretty similar to your's. My sperm donor left my mom before I was born, and then she married my step dad when I was 4. I am a little curious about my real dad but I dont care to meet him because he has no place in my life. All I really know about him is that he is an alcohalic and a mechanic for some county in missouri. My step dad is the one who raised me, so even if we dont get along most of the time he is my dad. :rolleyes:
     
  11. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

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    My mom is a bastard child. She didn't find out who her dad was until she was 39. She is 61 right now. Her mom was a bitch and would not tell her who her dad was. She finally gave in and when mom tracked him down, he just died like 2 months earlier. She did find out she had a half-sister living in Aurora, CO.

    We have to be careful saying "bastard" around here in my family as my mom HATES the word with a passion. I've gotten slapped numerous times for slipping the word out. And the bad thing is, we never meant her any harm when we say the word. My older sister has a knack for saying that all the time. :doah:
     
  12. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

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    Not to slight the other guys, but just to answer the original post, my dad is my father and kinda my male figure.
    Although, when he was somewhere around 60 and HIS dad died, he found out at the funeral that he was actually adopted, and the guy he thought was his blood father might not have been (or might have been, he might have adopted my dad because he wouldn't admit he had an extramarital affair the resulted in my dad). A lot of things made sense when we found that out. Now I know why all my cousins were so ugly :rotfl:...

    I learned a lot about raising my own kids from my dad in an unexpected way. I learned the parental things I lacked and am trying to make sure my kids don't lack them. My dad was a good dad for the most part. I can't recall ever thinking he was a bad dad. There are plenty of times in my teens and early 20's that I remember really not liking him much :rotfl:...


    Not everyone is cut out to parent a kid, but that doesn't stop them from doing the things that end up requiring them to parent a kid...
     
  13. Seventy4Blazer

    Seventy4Blazer 3/4 ton status

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    ;)
    my sisters kid's dad is called this... her son is 9 i think and dad just married my sister. i will be taking him to jail soon... married into the family or not he is trash. warrants out for his arrest.... punk mofo...

    anyway, i didnt htink i would start this big of an... issue?
    i dunno, seems people are venting though.
    lets keep it comming
    grant
     
  14. Seventy4Blazer

    Seventy4Blazer 3/4 ton status

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    THIS is where i was going with this post... but hey, like i said, lets keep it all comming.
    Grant
     
  15. Leper

    Leper 1/2 ton status

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    A Different spin

    I have a son. I call him my son, yet he has no blood relation to me. He calls me Steven, because that is what his mother, my fiance, calls me. I have been with my fiance and her two kids for over 10 years. In that time I have done anything I could think of to make them all happy. Been the dad, the father figure, the big brother, the friend, the bad guy, the a$$ when needed. All of this was/is done to make them as happy and well adjusted as possible. Trying to keep them from making my mistakes and my parents mistakes. BTW my father died when I was 9 (I'm 33 now). I guess the point I'm trying to make is this: If there is someone you look up to, look up to them. If there is a "sperm donor" you don't care about, then don't care about them. Getting mad or upset at someone that left only wastes your energy. If they don't care about you, don't give them any respect by caring about them. It's ok to be mad, It's ok to feel hate, Just don't let it consume you. I feel for anyone that was abandoned by choice. My father did not choose to leave, that choice was made for him. I miss him.
    The past is the past, you can't change it. What you can do is BE the father, BE the dad, Be someone that other people respect and look up to. Make sure your kids don't start a thread like this in the future. Show respect and honor and recieve it.
    Leper
     
  16. surpip

    surpip 1 ton status

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    my dad was pretty much a ass to me, never really taught me anything about cars, or really anything else, evan though he is pretty smart about that stuff, i tough alot to my self and my uncle helped me out allot, i worked for him in his shop.
    also my boss from sence i was 13 has really helped me out, he is a awsome dude, i have learned allot of life lessons from him. so between him and my uncle, i had a pretty good "dad"
     
  17. SkulzNBonz

    SkulzNBonz 1/2 ton status

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    They are much easier to put with when they are your own. You have alot more riding on them being successful. That being said, I helped raise my stepson for a few years until his "father" (punk MF'r) decided he would like to have custody. Well, he ended up in jail, and my stepson is being raised by his paternal grandparents. I have two children of my own (boy 8, girl 11). I'm told I have great kids, which I agree. It's alot of work, but worth every second.

    John
     
  18. Leper

    Leper 1/2 ton status

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    Right on brother!
     
  19. ronnny

    ronnny 1/2 ton status

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    I have parents that are still together on the other side of town from me. Pa did not do alot with us but a little. You just kind of had to ak him and he would do things with you but if not asked he kind of left things alone i guess. Since i am grown and out of the house I have got alot more respect for him and see alot more from his point of view. Who could not look up to a pa like i got, if he can't do it it can't be done and a vet from better than 30 years in the military. But i have to step kids that are 16 now (1 about to turn 17 in a week). Me and the wife do not see eye to eye on some things about raising them so i get alot of grief for trying to show them right and expect more out of them. But maybe a few years after they get out of the house they will see what i am trying to do for them. None of my own and i don't like babies no ways. These to were just house trained before i got them. So i just did miss that stage.
     
  20. Seventy4Blazer

    Seventy4Blazer 3/4 ton status

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    i just cant stand kids... i know i would be a good father and dad, but i dont want to... so i wont. ;)

    Grant
     

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