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first time

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by MNorby, Sep 16, 2006.

  1. MNorby

    MNorby 3/4 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    Clem drove his pickup alongside the road and showed his buddy Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was right down there by that there tree. I remember it plain as day. It was a warm summer day... We were madly in love... We made our way down to that the tree and made love for hours," explained Clem.

    "That sounds amazing," exclaimed Jed.

    "Yep, it was goin' real well until I looked up and saw her momma standing right there watching us..."

    "Damn, what did her momma say when she saw you puttin' it to her daughter?" "Baaaaa..."
     
  2. MNorby

    MNorby 3/4 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    well I figure I might post this now since it more than likely will happen later since I don't read every thread here
     
  3. Avery4jc

    Avery4jc 1 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    Are you drunk like the rest of these guys?

    -Avery
     
  4. 79Stomper

    79Stomper 1/2 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    Nuttin wrong wit being drun..........k.............. I don't rekon
     
  5. MNorby

    MNorby 3/4 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    I'm perfectly super
     
  6. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    He types like that every once in awhile an no one can figure out why????Now go tell some more people what nO0bs they are Avery...:haha:
     
  7. 79Stomper

    79Stomper 1/2 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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  8. MTMike

    MTMike 1/2 ton status

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    [​IMG]
     
  9. Avery4jc

    Avery4jc 1 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    Hmm maybe you are too?

    I believe what I said was that he was coming in as a noob telling us what to do. The point was that if I, (being a noob compared to the majority of the site's members) wasn't into being told to change our posting habbits that I'm sure the senior members of the site wouldn't take too kindly to it.

    ;)

    -Avery
     
  10. Avery4jc

    Avery4jc 1 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    So how long until Mike has to change his Avatar?

    [​IMG]

    -Avery
     
  11. MNorby

    MNorby 3/4 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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  12. MNorby

    MNorby 3/4 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back
    and forth.
    A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you sir?"​
    "Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.​
    The cop asks "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"​
    "It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies.​
    About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's 'privates' hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.​
    He asks the man "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"​
    Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out "I'll be damned ----- My girlfriend's gone, too!"​
     
  13. MNorby

    MNorby 3/4 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
    The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
    "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
    The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
    On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
    The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
    "Yeah, my wife..."
     
  14. Avery4jc

    Avery4jc 1 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    What are you drinking? It's some strong stuff.

    -Avery
     
  15. MNorby

    MNorby 3/4 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and they proceed to get blitzed. The giraffe drinks so much it passes out on the floor. The man gets up and heads for the door to leave when the bartender yells, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" The drunk replies, "That's not a lion! It's a giraffe."
     
  16. MNorby

    MNorby 3/4 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
    The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
    "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."
    With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
     
  17. MNorby

    MNorby 3/4 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    A guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He sets the octopus on a stool next to him and announces: "This is an amazing octopus. I'll bet anyone in this bar $50 that this octopus can play any instrument set in front of it."
    None of the people could believe this, so one guy brought up a guitar. The octopus took hold of the guitar and started picking away, better than Jimi Hendrix. The man took $50 from the guitarist. Next someone brings up a trumpet. The octopus started playing the trumpet, better than Herb Alpert. The man won another $50 from the trumpeter. Then some guy brought up some bagpipes. The octopus picked up the bagpipes for a minute and, looking a little puzzled, set them down again.
    "Can't you play the bagpipes?" asked the man. "Play it?" said the octopus, "I'm gonna screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off."
     
  18. MNorby

    MNorby 3/4 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.
    He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
    A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who watched the whole incident walked up and asked,"What the heck is going on?"
    The drunk, still staring down, replied:
    "I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."
     
  19. MNorby

    MNorby 3/4 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call, the drunk stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time, to the same result.
    He figured he'd crawl outside to get some fresh air, since maybe that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his house.
    When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face.
    He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
    This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep the second his head hit the pillow.
    He was awakened the next morning by his wife shouting, "So you've been out drinking again, have you?!"
    "No! What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on his best innocent expression.
    "The pub called... you forgot your wheelchair again."
     
  20. MNorby

    MNorby 3/4 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    A woman’s husband comes home hammered every night and she always yells at him before going to bed alone.
    One day she decides to try some reverse psychology. When her husband staggers in that night, she’s waiting for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair and gives him a backrub.
    “It’s getting late, big boy,” she says after a few minutes. “Why don’t we go upstairs to bed.”
    “We might as well,” slurs the husband. “I’m going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway.”
     

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