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FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Muddytazz, May 26, 2003.

  1. Muddytazz

    Muddytazz 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2002
    Posts:
    20,073
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    Location:
    Salem, Or.
    Sorry ladies. This is all in fun.
    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
    ----------------------------------------
    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
    will probably never be able to support you.
    ----------------------------------------
    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to
    stand closer to the kitchen sink.
    ----------------------------------------
    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
    When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
    ----------------------------------------
    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
    ----------------------------------------
    Why do men break wind more than women?
    Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
    ----------------------------------------
    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is
    yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
    ----------------------------------------
    What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    A woman who won't do what she's told.
    --------------------------------------
    I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
    ----------------------------------------
    I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
    ---------------------------------------
    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
    ----------------------------------------
    Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
    Engagement Ring,
    Wedding Ring,
    Suffering.
    ----------------------------------------
    Our last fight was my fault:
    My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
    I said, "Dust!"
    ----------------------------------------
    In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
    Then God created Man and rested.
    Then God created Woman.
    Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
    ------------------------------------------
    Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
    ----------------------------------------
    A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on
    Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."
    She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
    ----------------------------------------
    Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of
    Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
    Dad: That happens in every country, son.
    ----------------------------------------
    A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
    Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters.
    They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
    ----------------------------------------
    The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is
    to forget it once.
    ----------------------------------------
    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
    the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think
    they are beautiful.
     
  2. ramjet gmc

    ramjet gmc CK5 Staff Staff Member Moderator GMOTM Winner

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2001
    Posts:
    3,370
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    0
    Location:
    Milltown NJ 08850 NJ sucks
    [ QUOTE ]
    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is
    yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

    [/ QUOTE ] /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  3. Chris87K5

    Chris87K5 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2002
    Posts:
    322
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    0
    Location:
    Pennsyltucky
    What do you do when your wife is in the back yard rolling aroung on the ground and screaming?















    Shoot her again. /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  4. Confedneck

    Confedneck 3/4 ton status

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2002
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    5,236
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    Location:
    Lehigh Acres, Florida
    LMAO
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    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  5. mudhog

    mudhog THEGAME Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2000
    Posts:
    17,899
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    portland oregon
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  6. ben427

    ben427 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2002
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    1,123
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    Location:
    Waverley, Nova Scotia
    A Couple more:
    Why is a wedding dress white?
    So it matches the fridge and stove

    How many men does it take to clean a bathroom?
    None, its womans work.

    What do you do if your dishwasher stops?
    Slap her.

    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     

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