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For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity.

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Beast388, Feb 22, 2005.

  1. Beast388

    Beast388 1/2 ton status

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    For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity.

    1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

    2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

    3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

    5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

    6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"
    She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

    7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

    8. If a mute person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

    9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

    10. Is there another word for synonym?

    11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

    12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

    13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

    14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

    15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

    16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

    17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

    18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

    19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

    20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

    21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

    22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

    23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

    24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

    25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

    26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

    27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

    28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

    29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

    30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

    31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

    32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

    33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

    34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?


    :D :D :D
     
  2. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

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    Ha ha, some of those are funnier than I expected... :thumb:
     
  3. dontoe

    dontoe 3/4 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Oh, those are good.................:bow: :haha: :haha: :haha: :saweet:



    Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

    My dad used to say that when he took me trout fishing..........
     
  4. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    It's all t shirt catchphrase and soccer mom musing, but I'll answer a few



    How about sweaty girls, fresh in from woodchopping?



    We're driving 20+ year old trucks. New does not equal best, though I could probably take a monkey. A monkey is good at being a monky, just ask Stave.



    Kill and eat both



    They're dead



    All touchpads need to be the same to keep porfits up. Therefore, the most all encompassing one is used.



    Kill everyone on the other side really fast



    Failed. That was the base or main objective.


     
  5. TSGB

    TSGB 1 ton status

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    Braille

    Actually, I think I know why they put braille on drive up ATMs.

    Ready?

    So they only have to make one keypad for ALL the ATMs they assemble. Why make two different parts when you can get away with one?
     
  6. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Thats what I said new fish
     

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