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Friday Humor

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Goober, Sep 5, 2003.

  1. Goober

    Goober 1/2 ton status

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    Location:
    Mayberry (Auburn, WA)
    While visiting Minnesota I picked up a few jokes:


    On a tour of Minnesota, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit Lake Superior on an impromptu sightseeing trip. His 4X4 Pope-mobile was driving along the beautiful shoreline when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the road. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene, the Pope noticed in the water a hapless man wearing a Green Bay football jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 12 foot sturgeon.
    At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Viking football jerseys roared into view from around the point.

    Spontaneously, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the sturgeon's ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Green Bay Packer from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the fish to death. They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious Packer into the boat along with the dead sturgeon and then prepared for a hasty retreat when they heard frantic shouting from the shoreline.

    It was the Pope and he summoned them to the beach. After they reached shore, the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there was some bitter hatred between the people of Wisconsin and Minnesota, but now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of true harmony and could serve as a model on which other states could follow." He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.

    As he departed, the harpooner asked the others, "Who was that?"

    "That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom.

    "Well," the harpooner replied, "he knows nothing about Sturgeon fishing. "Is the bait holding up or do we need to get another one?"


    _______________



    A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?"
    The barber look around the shop and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves.

    A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?"
    Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves.

    A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves.

    The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes."

    In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did he go when he left here?"

    Joey goes, "To your house!"


    ____________



    One day, the pig farmer went to the veterinarian and asked "Why can't I get my pigs to reproduce?" The vet replied,"Well, if nature isn't taking care of itself, you're going to have to artificially inseminate them." The farmer, not wanting to admit he doesn't understand this term, says, "Well, how will I know if they are pregnant?" And the vet replies, "They will roll around in the mud."

    So the next day, the farmer(assuming artificial insemination means he is supposed to impregnate them himself), puts all the pigs in the truck, drives them out in the woods, and has sex with them all. In the morning, he eagerly awakes and looks out the window-the pigs are just standing around as usual.

    So, the farmer figures one more try will do the trick. He loads them in the truck, drives them into the woods, and has sex with all of the pigs. The next morning, as he looks out the window, nothing has changed-the pigs are not muddy.

    Finally, the farmer thinks.."Just one more try." Again, he loads them into the truck, drives into the woods, and has sex with all the pigs.

    The next morning, the man is too tired to look out the window, so he asks his wife to do it. He says, "Well, are the pigs rolling around in the mud?" And his wife replies, "No.....but they're all huddled up in the truck, and one of them is honking the horn"



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  2. ChevyHuny

    ChevyHuny 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  3. mudhog

    mudhog THEGAME Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Location:
    portland oregon
    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
    but sturgeon don't have jaws and they don't have ribs either /forums/images/graemlins/eek.gif
     
  4. Twiz

    Twiz 1/2 ton status

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    Location:
    Clearfield Ut.
    Nice, /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     

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