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Funniest Thing I've Ever Read

Discussion in '1973-1991 K5 Blazer | Truck | Suburban' started by RLBstein, Jul 5, 2000.

  1. RLBstein

    RLBstein 1/2 ton status

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    Funniest Thing I\'ve Ever Read

    Subject: Only the mechanically inclined will understand
    >
    > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
    > used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from
    > the object we are trying to hit.
    >
    > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
    > cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well
    > on boxes containing leather goods.
    >
    > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in
    > their holes until you die of old age.
    >
    > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
    >
    > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
    > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
    > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
    > dismal your future becomes.
    >
    > VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads and transfer intense welding
    > heat to the palm of your hand.
    >
    > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
    > objects in your garage on fire.
    >
    > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
    > motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2
    > socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
    >
    > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
    > metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
    > flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly
    > painted part you were drying.
    >
    > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere
    > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint
    > whorls and hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time it takes you
    > to say, "Ouc...."
    >
    > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a car to the ground after you
    > have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle
    > firmly under the fender.
    >
    > EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a
    > hydraulic jack.
    >
    > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
    >
    > PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic
    > floor jack.
    >
    > SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
    > spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
    >
    > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and
    > is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
    >
    > TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.
    >
    > TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile
    > strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to
    > disconnect.
    >
    > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool
    > that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end
    > without the handle.
    >
    > BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid
    > from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that
    > your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
    >
    > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
    >
    > TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop
    > light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which
    > is not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits
    > aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the
    > same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the
    > first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light,
    > its name is somewhat misleading.
    >
    > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
    > paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used,
    > as the name implies, to round out Phillips screw heads.
    >
    > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning
    > power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that
    > travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty
    > bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and rounds
    > them off.
    >
    > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
    > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
    >
    > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
    >


    82 Blazer
     
  2. chevy4x4

    chevy4x4 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Funniest Thing I\'ve Ever Read

    That wasn't the funniest thing I've ever read.

    [​IMG]<font color=orange>chevy4x4</font color=orange>[​IMG]
    http://4x4.coloradok5.com
     
  3. James90

    James90 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Funniest Thing I\'ve Ever Read

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaman that is some funny stuff and it is all true

    [​IMG]Go prepared

    I have a Shotgun a Rifle and a 4WD(K5) and Country Boy Can Survive!!!!
     
  4. 90K5

    90K5 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Funniest Thing I\'ve Ever Read

    Thats pretty funny. Very true
     
  5. BlazerGuy

    BlazerGuy 3/4 ton status

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    Re: Funniest Thing I\'ve Ever Read

    There was something similar to that in a FOURWHEELER. That is funny, yet true.

    YEEEEE HAWWWWW[​IMG]
     
  6. Michael

    Michael 1/2 ton status

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  7. 82Jimmy

    82Jimmy 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Funniest Thing I\'ve Ever Read

    thats cool

    <font color=blue>If its too loud, your too old.</font color=blue>
    <font color=red>Cameron</font color=red> <font color=green>Burnett</font color=green>
     
  8. delta9blazer

    delta9blazer 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Funniest Thing I\'ve Ever Read

    OMGROFLMAO!

    had to walk outside to get a breather. too funny.

    <font color=purple>delta9blazer</font color=purple>
     
  9. chevy4x4

    chevy4x4 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Funniest Thing I\'ve Ever Read

    is OMGROFLMAO
    Oh My God Rolling On the Floor Laughing My Ass Off??
    just wondering

    [​IMG]<font color=orange>chevy4x4</font color=orange>[​IMG]
    http://4x4.coloradok5.com
     
  10. 79Cheyenne

    79Cheyenne 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Funniest Thing I\'ve Ever Read

    man thats hillarious

    everyone at the shop has they're own copy for the tool box now

    thanks

    <font color=orange>1979 BLAZER Cheyenne[​IMG]
     
  11. BigBurban

    BigBurban 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Funniest Thing I\'ve Ever Read

    LOL! Too funny [​IMG]. Two they missed though...

    HALOGEN WORK LAMP: Generally used for making your back, arm, or leg look like a flame broiled Whopper shortly after accidental contact.

    RATCHET: Commonly used too remove and sever excess skin and bone from hands and forearms when pressure is applied in an attempt to free various fasteners from the internal combustion regime which holds them captive.

    <font color=blue>~BigBurban</font color=blue>
    [​IMG]
     
  12. N2-TRUX

    N2-TRUX 1/2 ton status

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    Even my wife almost peed her pants...

    I guess she has seen me at work in the garage too many times. That was truly funny...

    <font color=purple>N2TRUX<font color=purple>
    http://n2trux.coloradok5.com/
     

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