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Funny doctor forwarded e-mails

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by thatK30guy, Mar 9, 2002.

  1. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2001
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    Location:
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    A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
    baby
    in
    > the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
    lady's
    dress
    > and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
    were
    > several cabs, and I was in the wrong one. Dr. Mark MacDonald, San
    Antonio,
    > TX
    > > >
    > > >At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
    and
    > slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
    > instructed. "Yes,
    > > >they used to be," remorsed the patient. Dr. Richard Byrnes,
    Seattle,
    WA
    > > >
    > > >One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
    her
    > husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
    minutes
    > later, I
    > > >heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of
    a
    > "massive internal fart." Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba
    > > >
    > > >I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
    test.
    I
    > placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
    right
    > eye
    > > > with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your
    left."
    > Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence.
    He
    > couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and
    discovered
    > that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with
    both
    > his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam. Dr.
    Matthew
    > Theodropolous,
    > > >Worcester, MA
    > > >
    > > >During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
    cardiologist,
    > he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of
    his
    > medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to
    put
    on
    > a new one
    > > >every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I
    had
    him
    > quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes,
    the man
    > had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include
    removal
    of
    > the old patch before applying a new one. Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
    Norfolk,
    > VA
    > > >
    > > >While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
    long
    > have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
    answered...
    > "Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive." Dr.
    Steven
    > Swanson, Corvallis, OR
    > > >
    > > >I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
    > breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
    Jelly.
    I
    > can't seem
    > > >to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to
    see the
    > jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." Dr.
    > Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
    > > >
    > > >A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
    purple
    > hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos,
    and
    > wearing
    > > >strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
    patient
    had
    > acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When
    she
    > was
    > > >completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
    that her
    > pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that
    read,
    > "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
    wrote
    a
    > short note on
    > > >the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
     
  2. POWERMAD

    POWERMAD 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2001
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    3,466
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    Location:
    Oregon
    kentucky jelly, oh man that is too funny.
     

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