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funny instruction labels

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by 84CUCV, May 9, 2005.

  1. 84CUCV

    84CUCV 3/4 ton status Premium Member

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2002
    Posts:
    7,115
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    NJ for now
    A friend just sent this to me enjoy!!



    funny instruction labels
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved
    >as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer
    >goods:
    >
    > On Sears hairdryer:
    > Do not use while sleeping.
    > (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
    >
    > On a bag of Fritos:
    > You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
    >inside.
    > (The shoplifter special!)
    >
    > On a bar of Dial soap:
    > Directions: Use like regular soap.
    > (and that would be how?)
    >
    > On some Swann frozen dinners:
    > Serving suggestion: Defrost.
    > (But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
    >
    > On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the
    >box)
    > Do not turn upside down.
    > (Too late! you lose!)
    >
    > On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
    > Product will be hot after heating.
    > (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
    >
    > On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
    > Do not iron clothes on body.
    > (But wouldn't that save more time?)
    > (Whose body?)
    >
    > On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
    > Do not drive car or operate machinery.
    > (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents
    >if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
    >
    > On Nytol sleep aid:
    > Warning: may cause drowsiness.
    > (One would hope!)
    >
    > On a Korean kitchen knife:
    > Warning: keep out of children.
    > (hmm...something must have gotten lost in the
    >translation...)
    >
    > On a string of Christmas lights:
    > For indoor or outdoor use only.
    > (As opposed to use in outer space.)
    >
    > On a food processor:
    > Not to be used for the other use.
    > (Now I'm curious.)
    >
    > On Sainsbury's peanuts:
    > Warning: contains nuts.
    > (but no peas?)
    >
    > On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
    > Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
    > (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
    >
    > On a Swedish chainsaw:
    > Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
    > (Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
    >
    > On a child's Superman costume:
    > Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
    > (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal
    >childhood belief.)
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > joke of the moment
    > THE DEVOTED WIFE
    >
    > A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
    >
    > After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his
    >office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe
    >stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your
    >husband will surely die.
    >
    > "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant
    >at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner
    >prepare an especially nice meal for him.
    >
    >
    > "Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your
    >problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag
    >him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.
    >
    > "If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I
    >think your husband will regain his health completely."
    >
    > On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did
    >the doctor say?"
    >
    > "He said you're going to die," she replied.
    >
     
  2. boggerless

    boggerless 1 ton status Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2003
    Posts:
    22,728
    Likes Received:
    96
    Location:
    dearborn heights, Michigan
    i love it. :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha:
     

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