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Funny little stories that are sure to make you smile....

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by heavy4x4, Nov 25, 2003.

  1. heavy4x4

    heavy4x4 1/2 ton status

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    NEED A GOOD LAUGH?
    Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a few people who did....

    _________
    I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
    _________
    I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I as approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
    _________
    My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
    My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
    _________
    While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
    To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
    The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
    I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind
    me were screams of laughter.
    _________
    Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
    One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something
    funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him
    if he needed to go. He said, "No." I kept thinking,"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
    "No," he replied.
    I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"
    This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
    While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
    _________
    This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
    What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story...
    We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
    Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too
    they were laughing so hard!
     
  2. Stickseler

    Stickseler 3/4 ton status

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  3. Confedneck

    Confedneck 3/4 ton status

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    how much for a shampoo and a blowjob LMAO /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
     
  4. k5ntexas

    k5ntexas 1/2 ton status

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  5. dysphemism

    dysphemism 1/2 ton status

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    That stuff's hilarious man.
     
  6. Topdown

    Topdown 1/2 ton status

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  7. Muddytazz

    Muddytazz 1 ton status

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  8. skratch

    skratch 1/2 ton status

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    I see you read Parenting magazine too.

    My wife and I love those little stories each month! /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  9. heavy4x4

    heavy4x4 1/2 ton status

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    Nope, I don't read that magazine...I got those in an e-mail. /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif

    Anybody have some first-hand stories/slip-ups like that? /forums/images/graemlins/ears.gif /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
     
  10. Blaze

    Blaze 1/2 ton status

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    I have two brothers and a sister. My brother and I were upstairs playing Playstation and my mom started calling for us to come to dinner. My little bro kept yelling "just a sec!" down to her. After about the 10th time, my mom got at the bottom of the steps and yelled "there will be no more secs in this house!" I immediately yelled back "so I guess we won't be having any more siblings!" /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gifNo one in my family will still let me mom forget that one. /forums/images/graemlins/ignore.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  11. heavy4x4

    heavy4x4 1/2 ton status

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  12. Goober

    Goober 1/2 ton status

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    Ow, now my ribs hurt. /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif


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  13. heavy4x4

    heavy4x4 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif How perfect! I recently received the following e-mail from my Mom...

    Funny story from church:

    Just thought I'd share this funny story from church last Sunday. There was a guest priest, an older man, but a wonderful speaker who really seemed to relate well to the HS kids that were attending because it was a youth-group service. At the end, he was thanking all the kids who were musicians, eucharistic ministers, ushers, greeters, servers, etc., and he was trying to analogize it to a pot luck dinner, you know, everyone brings what they have, and their contribution seems insubstantial, but put it all together, and you have a feast? Only he couldn't think of the phrase "pot luck party." He said, "These Sunday Evening liturgies are just like a big . . . . (long pause) . . . you know . . . those covered dish suppers . . . . ah . . . ah . . . a big pot party." The whole congregation just burst out laughing, and he turned all red, and said, oops, that was a Freudian slip. Then he caused more laughter by just ending it with "Okay, just go out and get high on life."


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  14. k5ntexas

    k5ntexas 1/2 ton status

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