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funny old timer sayings

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by 73redblaze, Aug 3, 2009.

  1. 73redblaze

    73redblaze 1/2 ton status

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    so i work with this old guy and he says the funniest $hit sometimes. i figured we have guys from all over the US here so what may seem common sayings to you may be new to others. so if you know some one that says a saying you think is funny, post it up.
    the one he said today

    "its colder than a well diggers ass out here" old timer referenced above
    "hotter than a popcorn fart" -my dad
    "louder than a two Cunted Camel pissin on a flat rock" also my dad

    obvious ones (to me)
    "that really chapps my a$$"
    .... im still thinking of more
     
  2. LOGANSTANFORTH

    LOGANSTANFORTH 1/2 ton status

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    bat sh*t crazy
    wound tighter than a 8 day clock
    looks like a retard trying to kill bees with a hammer got ahold of it
    nuttier than squirrel sh*t
    tighter than a nun's c*nt
    shes been hit in the face by the WTF truck
    shes built like a burlap sack full of bottle caps
    her face has been set on fire and put out with a wet axe (hammer, brick, pickaxe, claw hammer, etc....)
    you cant spell slaughter without laughter
    you cant rape the willing
    dont measure with a micrometer and mark with a lazer something you plan to cut with a chainsaw
    f*ck me to tears batman
    Yes, but when it divides by zero and eats its f*cking self your going to be replacing more than a.......(whatever the part is)
    crazier than a sh*t house rat
    hotter than a mexican wh*re house in july
    sweatin' like a wh*re in church
    It's the one that says Bad motherf*ck*r on it
    Out of here like a fat girl in dodge ball
    Off like a prom dress
    lets make like a tree and get the f*ck out of here
    kiss a fat man's a*s
    i gotta sh*t like a crippled coon
    More f*cked up than a bag of clothes hangers
    Looks like we've had a visit from the f*ck up fairy again
    as worthless as t*ts on a boar hog
    f*cked up worse than a soup sandwich
    its not rape if you yell SURPRISE
    crazier than a 6 p*ckered goat
    i gotta p*ss like a 2 p*ckered billygoat
    nitrous is like a hot girl with a STD, you wanna hit it but your afraid of the consequences
    Hammer to fit, paint to match
    Torch your way in, Weld your way out
    Hung like a hampster and twice as fast
    it's hotter than 2 rats f*ckin in a wool sock
    Hung like a stud field mouse
    hung like a stud gerbil
    Hung like a field mouse in a bucket of ice water
     
  3. Big Ray

    Big Ray 3/4 ton status Premium Member

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    He could f#ck up a $hit sandwich

    He can't tell the difference between $hit & shinola

    (typical bar fight) Look at that, ones scared & the other one's glad

    doesn't know the difference between his a$$ and a hole in the ground

    what a bag of a$$holes

    pretty girls f*ck too....:D:D

    If I had a pu$$y I'd have a mattress on my back

    cut it twice & it's still too short...

    and, from my Bro Detroit Bob:

    F*ck 'em, it's all about my c*ck!
     
  4. jt512

    jt512 1/2 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    :haha::haha:

    Along those lines :rolleyes:

    "That girl will put something on ya even AJAX won't take off"

    "Ugly tree my a**, that girl ran through the ugly forest and never missed a branch"

    "I may have a needle for a d**k, but I've got a sewing machine for an a**"
     
  5. Slapperbar

    Slapperbar Retired Navy NDT Examiner Premium Member

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    That is a bucket of Fu*k
    Fu*ked up like a football bat
    It's better to be pissed at and missed than Sh*t at and hit.
     
  6. sandracer799

    sandracer799 1/2 ton status

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    Horsepower is like a condom. It is better to have it and not need it then to need it and not have it.
     
  7. 80' 427

    80' 427 1/2 ton status Premium Member

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    Hotter than 2 cats ****ing in a wool sox
    Colder that a well diggers ass in the Klondike
    Dryer than a pop corn fart
     
  8. wasted wages

    wasted wages 3/4 ton status

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    when someone doesn't "get it ".....

    Like a chicken watching a card trick.
    Like a cow watching a passing train.




    I've done more work this morning on accident than you'll do all day on purpose...

    Cut it twice and it's still too short..

    Your mother have any kids that lived ?

    That's so ***ked up even God couldn't figure it out.
     
  9. Thunder

    Thunder 3/4 ton status

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    I am going out to raise hell and prop it up with a stick.

    Colder than a witches tit.

    Colder than a brass plated toilet on the shady side of an iceberg.

    Its Clear as a bell and cold as hell

    I am so horney, even the crack of dawn aint safe.
     
  10. 3 on the tree

    3 on the tree 1/2 ton status

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    Why don't you kiss my ass, and call it a love story????
     
  11. thezentree

    thezentree 3/4 ton status

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    Only one I know that hasn't been covered is "hotter than a hooker in a pecker field"
     
  12. resurrected_jimmy

    resurrected_jimmy 1/2 ton status

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    "I'm not the one f*ckin' this chicken, I'm just watchin' the feathers fly"

    "its worse than hearding cats"
     
  13. LOGANSTANFORTH

    LOGANSTANFORTH 1/2 ton status

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    slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter

    you drive like old people f*ck, slow and un-coordinated

    ive come to kick a*s and chew bubble gum, and im fresh out of bubble gum
     
  14. chalet2506

    chalet2506 1/2 ton status

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    Does a 10# bag of flour make a big biscuit?

    Does a bear sh1t in the woods?


    And my favorite my Grandpa.

    "I ain't afraid of dying, its how long they expect you to stay dead...that's a long damn time if you stop and think about it."
     
  15. tRustyK5

    tRustyK5 Big meanie Staff Member Super Moderator GMOTM Winner Author

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    E-town baby!
    You look like 10 lbs of **** in a 9 lb bag

    As smart as a bag of hammers

    On it like a fat kid on a smartie

    Darker than the inside of a cow

    Tighter than a fish's ass

    Rene
     
  16. Burbdood 74

    Burbdood 74 Giver of not a single damn...

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    Watching him is like watching a monkey fock a football.

    She was so fat that when she walked away, her ass looked like 2 dogs fighting over a bone in a burlap bag.

    That's about as smart as a shovel with a rope handle.

    He was so dumb that if you'd have said it was chilly outside, he would've grabbed a bowl.

    He couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written under the heel.

    She's built like a sack of hammers tied at both ends.
     
  17. jt512

    jt512 1/2 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    Boy if you were any dumber, you'd forget to breath . :D
     
  18. Big Blzn

    Big Blzn 1/2 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    What about a Polar Bear?:D

    My FIL has about 1000 sayings he uses all the time. I have a terrible memory and always threaten to write them down when I hear them but, well, forget to. Here are a coulple I can remember. He is about 63 years old and a true "good ol' boy".

    "it's darker than a whores heart" regarding night time in the hunting woods or any place / thing that is dark.

    " he is the laziest man God ever did coil a gut in." refering to an old friend of his whe was lazy as fock.

    "stiffer than a preachers dick at a whore house" no explaination needed.

    Other random ones I've heard.

    "She's got a face to protect that body"

    Really like the old Stand by:

    B.O.H.I.C.A.
    Bend Over Here It Comes Again.


    I'll think of more later.:D
     
  19. bigjbear

    bigjbear 1 ton status Staff Member Moderator

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    Awsome:haha:

    BOHICA is good but I always thought SNAFU was funnier. Even more so when I heard it one of the local news guys say it on the air one day.


    My favorite is: Measured with a micrometer, marked with a sharipe, and cut with a ziz-wheel.

    Which goes a long way in explaining: Cut to size, beat to fit, and paint to match.:crazy:
     
  20. 76zimmer

    76zimmer Flyin Rat Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    (My Pop)Norms' sayings while dumbfounded:
    Well Sh*t and two is eight
    Well Sh*t a meataxe
    Just for Sh*t's and giggles


    others:
    Who has more fun than people?
    Can't beat that with a bag of hammers
    Smartin' up you dumbass.
    Its rainin' harder than a two c*nted cow pissing on a flat rock.
     

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