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Got Cow?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Goober, May 26, 2004.

  1. Goober

    Goober 1/2 ton status

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    Location:
    Mayberry (Auburn, WA)
    LIBERAL

    You have two cows.

    Your neighbor has none.

    You feel guilty for being successful.

    Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to your congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more government programs to help your neighbor get a cow.

    You hold a concert to raise awareness for cow-lessness.

    Barbara Streisand sings for the cow-less, who couldn't attend because ticket prices are so expensive that only people with 3 or 4 cows can afford to attend.

    You wear a ribbon that signifies that you care about cowless people, even though you really haven't done anything to help them at all.



    CONSERVATIVE

    You have two cows.

    Your neighbor has none.

    So?



    SOCIALIST

    You have two cows.

    The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

    You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.



    COMMUNIST

    You have two cows.

    The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

    You wait in line for hours to get it.

    It is expensive and sour.



    CAPITALISM AMERICAN STYLE

    You have two cows.

    You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.



    DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

    You have two cows.

    The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.



    BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

    You have two cows.

    The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.



    AMERICAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

    You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.

    You are surprised when one cow drops dead.

    You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down-sized and are reducing expenses.

    Your stock goes up.



    FRENCH CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    You go on strike because you want three cows.

    You go to lunch and drink wine.

    Life is good.



    JAPANESE CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

    They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

    Most are at the top of their class at cow school.



    GERMAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.

    Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.



    ITALIAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

    While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

    You break for lunch.

    Life is good.



    RUSSIAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    You have some vodka.

    You count them and learn you have four cows.

    You have some more vodka.

    You count them again and learn you have eight cows.

    The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.



    TALIBAN CORPORATION

    You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.

    You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.

    Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.



    IRAQI CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    They go into hiding.

    They send radio tapes of their mooing.



    POLISH CORPORATION

    You have two bulls.

    Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.



    CALIFORNIAN

    You have a cow and a bull.

    The bull is depressed.

    It has spent its life living a lie.

    It goes away for two weeks.

    It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.

    You now have two cows.

    One makes milk; the other doesn't.

    You try to sell the transgender cow.

    Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.

    You lose in court.

    You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.

    You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.

    You change your business to beef.

    PETA pickets your farm.

    Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.

    Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows."

    Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7TH of your farm "for the children."

    Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico.

    The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.

    You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations.

    The cow starves to death.

    The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is George Bush's fault.
     
  2. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Location:
    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gifDooood thats some funny sh!t.... /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif
     
  3. juanblzer

    juanblzer 1/2 ton status

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    Location:
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    Stereotypes are funny...
    but seriously, that was funny. The sad part is that many persons actually believe exactly what that "joke" entails. Hopefully we all realize its funny because of the stereotypes we are all lead to believe but know aren't true.
     
  4. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    [ QUOTE ]
    Stereotypes are funny...


    [/ QUOTE ] exactly.... /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  5. bigcountryk5

    bigcountryk5 1/2 ton status

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    Location:
    G-vegas(Greenville) South Carolina
    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif

    [ QUOTE ]
    CONSERVATIVE

    You have two cows.

    Your neighbor has none.

    So?


    [/ QUOTE ]

    hell yeah /forums/images/graemlins/peace.gif
     
  6. bigyellowjimmy

    bigyellowjimmy 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  7. jarheadk5

    jarheadk5 1/2 ton status

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    Location:
    PA
    [ QUOTE ]
    ITALIAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

    While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

    You break for lunch.

    Life is good.


    [/ QUOTE ]



    Add some wine to the lunch, and it's scary how absolutely true that is! The Italians I was working with over there were EXACTLY like that. They'd disappear for hours!
     
  8. firefighter184

    firefighter184 1/2 ton status

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    Although sterotypical in nature, most of that joke was dead on IMO. Hilariously dead on! /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  9. Ruthven13

    Ruthven13 1/2 ton status

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    What do you mean it's just a joke? They're not really like that??? /forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     

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