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GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Z3PR, Sep 5, 2002.

  1. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

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    >GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
    >1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
    >2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
    >3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
    >4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
    >5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
    >6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
    >7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
    >8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    >9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
    >10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's (or Grandma's) lap.
    >
    >GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
    >1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
    >2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
    >3) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
    >4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
    >5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
    >6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the joy.
    >
    >GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:
    >1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
    >2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
    >3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
    >4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair
    >that you once got from a roller coaster.
    >5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask
    >you the questions.
    >6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
    >7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
    >
    >THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
    >1) You believe in Santa Claus.
    >2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
    >3) You are Santa Claus.
    >4) You look like Santa Claus.
    >
    >SUCCESS:
    >At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
    >At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
    >At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
    >At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
    >At age 35 success is . . . having money.
    >At age 50 success is . . . having money.
    >At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
    >At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
    >At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
    >At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
     

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