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Gunny Sgt. Ermey Press Conference

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by gjk5, Jul 27, 2005.

  1. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    USMC PRESS CONFERENCE

    R. Lee Ermey, for the few of you that missed it, was the host of The History Channel's Mail Call and played the D.I. in the movie Full Metal Jacket. R. Lee is a retired Marine Gunnery Sergeant and a very plain speaker as you will soon read. So, for your entertainment, here is Retired Marine Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey at his first press conference as unofficial US Press Secretary.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    The main topic of discussion is the Marine in Iraq who shot the Iraq insurgent to death. We pick up as the reporter asks about how this potential war crime will affect our image in the world:

    Ermey: "What kind of a pansy-assed question is that?"

    Reporter: "Well, I think...."

    Ermey: "THINK, nancy boy? Get this through that septic tank on top of your shoulders moron, I DON'T GIVE A F*CK WHAT YOU THINK, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME??? That Marine shot an ENEMY COMBATANT SH*THEAD, SO GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND DEAL WITH IT BEFORE I MAKE YOU MY OWN PERSONAL PIN CUSHION! Next question. You in the blue suit."

    Reporter 2: "Don't you think that the world's opinion of our operations is important?"

    Ermey: "Oh sure! You don't know the times I have cried myself to sleep worrying about what some g*ddamned French pansy thinks! Oh, the days I have had to weep because some sh*t eating terrorist f*cker might be mad at us because we went into whatever godforsaken hole in the sh*t that he lives in and killed him. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF DUMBASS QUESTION IS THAT, YOU PETER PUFFING JACKASS?? WE ARE THE MOTHER F*CKING USA, AND WHEN YOU ATTACK US WE ARE GOING TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND BLOW YOUR STINKING CAMEL-LICKING CARCASS INTO PIECES SO SMALL WE WILL BE ABLE TO BURY YOUR SORRY ASS IN A THIMBLE! I know what you are thinking. You are probably afraid, thinking that I have such an extreme attitude and that I need to be more sensitive to other people's feelings. well, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU POLE SMOKING PANSY! I DON'T GIVE TWO SH*TS WHAT YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE THINKS! THIS IS A DAMNED WAR, AND IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THAT YOU SHOULD GO HOME AND SUCK ON MAMMA'S TIT. DO YOU HEAR ME YOU RUNT?? NOW GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY PRESS ROOM BEFORE I GO CRAZY AND BEAT THE LIVING SH*T OUT OF YOU! Next question, you with the ugly-assed tie. Look at that thing. It's hideous."

    Reporter 3: "Aren't you going against the freedom of the press by..."

    Ermey: "FREEDOM?? WHAT IN BLUE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT FREEDOM? I HAVE SWEATED MY ASS OFF IN JUNGLES, BEING SHOT AT FOR THIS NATION. WHAT IN THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE, YOU LITTLE SH*T SUCKING WEASEL? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PUT YOUR ASS ON THE LINE FOR ANYTHING? AND YET YOU HAVE THE UNMITIGATED TEMERITY TO SHOW UP HERE AND MONDAY MORNING QUARTERBACK THE ACTIONS OF A MARINE WHO WAS DEFENDING HIMSELF AND HIS UNIT FROM ATTACK BY SOME MURDEROUS AL-QUEDA SYMPATHIZER!!! YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I AM CONCERNED ABOUT NUMBNUTS? I AM CONCERNED ABOUT A BUNCH OF GRABASSTIC, DISORGANIZED MORONS WITH CAMERAS AND MICROPHONES DOING THEIR BEST TO PORTRAY OUR BRAVE MEN AND WOMEN AS WAR CRIMINALS! I AM CONCERNED ABOUT CHICKEN SH*T PANSIES THAT WANT US TO NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS AND THEN WHINE ABOUT THEIR PISS ANT "FREEDOMS!"

    Reporter 3: "I..."

    Ermey: "Did you have a big bowl of stupid for breakfast this morning numbnuts? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD OUT OF THAT COMMIE CRYHOLE IN THAT SH*TPILE YOU CALL A HEAD! AND THAT GOES TRIPLE FOR THE REST OF YOU PANSY-ASSED MORONS! NOW GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY PRESS ROOM BEFORE I SHOVE MY BOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT YOU CHOKE TO DEATH ON MY SHOELACES."





    OK, so before I get bitched at:

    A: Sorry if a repost
    B: Yes I Snoped it (it came from the Snopes site) and I know it's not real, just real funny.
     
  2. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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  3. mtn. burb

    mtn. burb 1/2 ton status

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    LOVED IT & added a comment.

    You gotta love that!

    It makes me feel happy reading that. Really does. :D

    Will someone on the right please get off their ass in D.C. and flame the libs?

    I would like to see Pres. Bush conduct a news conferance and talk straight to the American people. Say that the opposition to his appointments and war strategy is crippling our nation. A bunch of socialist, God - hating, Constitution trampling ex-hippies are controlloing the appointment of Judges that, if they get their way, will put every child molester back on the street. They want to take your guns, take your money, a product of your labor, thru confiscatorty taxes, and transfer it to crack smoking losers in the city. They want to reward teachers who teach evolution, love Castro and Stalin, and say the Founders were just financial opportunists. They want to eventually ban your "smog" producing older vehicles. They want to kill as many babies as possible, which serves their demon god of Molech, as abortion is the sacrifice to it. They want you to raise your boys to be femine pussy's, and you daughters to be lesbians. They look at the Ten Commandments as their list of things to violate on a daily basis. Oh, and they want to limit your speech...No Rush Limbaugh or Hannity, no preaching against sodomites IN church, and disolve the N.R.A.

    He might add he knows this is controversial, but his conscience required him to wake up the average American, such as myself.

    Fantasy, I agree, but inspiring to think we could run the rascals out to sea. I would like nothing more than to see every socialist lib journalist in our land scurry like rats on a ship to get out of the U.S.A.

    Because we are coming for them.
     
  4. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

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    too funny! :haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  5. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Wether it was him or not, you can just hear that voice when you read it. :waytogo:
     
  6. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    Yeah, read it this morning and could hear the voice in my head, all I could think was thank God he can't see the donut on my desk.



    "Private Shirley you disgusting fatbody......" :doah:
     
  7. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

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    I'd like to see and hear Bush quote this following excerpt I received from e-mail:

    WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT,
    >DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN, GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH? My Fellow Americans:
    >As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since
    >congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission
    >in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete
    >removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete
    >within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.
    >
    >Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
    >which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
    >short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are
    >some of the countries listed there.
    >
    >The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
    >world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be
    >distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
    >
    >Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
    >nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
    >during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the
    >Iraqi war.
    >
    >! The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
    >Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
    >
    >Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
    >
    >In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
    >money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.
    >On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we
    >will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face
    >of the earth.
    >
    >Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
    >I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with
    >France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are
    >retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
    >
    >I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
    >diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
    >parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded
    >and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You
    >creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets
    >tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over
    >to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York
    >
    >A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List
    >2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks
    >might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
    >
    >Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt
    >government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple
    >extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going
    >to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.
    >
    >
    >Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty -
    >starting now.
    >
    >We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for
    >oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for
    >decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this
    >decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.
    >They care.
    >
    >It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
    >Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn
    >tootin." Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life
    >around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about
    >everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is
    >time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World
    >Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought.
    >Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
    >
    >To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to
    >speak Arabic. God bless America. Thank you and good night. If you can
    >read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a
    >soldier.

    :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
     
  8. kyser_soze

    kyser_soze 1/2 ton status

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    I could hear his voice also! :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  9. dodgedude99

    dodgedude99 1/2 ton status

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    i could hear his voice and picture him with his cap on, his woodsy owl eye brows, and that one finger pointing he does in FMJ.

    he is one of my favorites.
     
  10. mtn. burb

    mtn. burb 1/2 ton status

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    I Love It!


    I tip my hat to you!


    Great addition to a terrific thread!


    :D :D :D
     
  11. SkulzNBonz

    SkulzNBonz 1/2 ton status

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    That pretty much sums it up.

    John
     
  12. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

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    Yeah, I can totally picture it...

    My favorite scene in FMJ is the last one he's in, where he whips open his room door and stomps out, looks in the barrack and says "Get back in your bunks!"
     

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