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have you ever gotten close to losing your wang?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by colbystephens, Jun 13, 2006.

  1. colbystephens

    colbystephens 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    just thought it would be funny to hear some stories.

    here's mine: i was working for a hotel and the uniform didn't breathe. pretty warm day and i got a little, well, sweaty, if you will. well, this happened to be the day which i discovered those cool little cans of compressed air which are used to clean computer key boards and whatnot (this air comes out real cold). so i essentially put the little straw down the pants of the uniform and give it a little spray. well, apparently if you tip those little cans this super cold fluid comes out of it. so i freak out and read the warning label: "caution: may cause frost bite if in contact with skin!" :eek1: now this is the week before my wedding and my lady and me chose to wait till marriage, so i start freaking out, fearing that my wang is going to turn black and fall off. so i start stipping my clothes off in the office to find that i apparently didn't make it inside my boxers and that i simply turned the fly of my boxers into a cube of ice! :o what a freaking relief!

    here's a funny one from the astroglide website: dude and his wife really enjoy their wedding nite, but didn't use any type of lube so he gets chaffed. next day he puts an ointment on his wang to relieve the pain and then goes snorkeling. apparently this ointment is very attractive to some razor-toothed fishes. dude spends the rest of his honey moon in the ER getting his wang worked on. :doah:

    ok - your turn. who's got the best story of wangilation?
     
  2. eclipse

    eclipse 1/2 ton status

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    wow!!! you sound like Jim from american pie.
     
  3. beater_k20

    beater_k20 Banned

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    i'm always very protective of my wang, so no horror stories to speak of.
     
  4. 89GMCSuburban

    89GMCSuburban 1/2 ton status

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    My buddy and I were putting headers on my S10 Blazer. The other friend had reversed plug wires, so we found the "dead" cylinders and were checking for spark. He was holding the plug near the core support and I cranked the engine. We had spark and he said, "Don't do it again".....I just heard "again". Cranked again...but now the plug was closer to his waist. At that moment, I hear a "AAAAAHHHHH!" at the moment the 55,000 volt MSD coil sent a shock into the tip of his hootus. He was on the ground for a good 15 minutes before he got up. We found a burn hole in his pants and, from what he said, a burn mark on his wang. Funny stuff...
     
  5. BranndonC

    BranndonC 3/4 ton status

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    hahahahahah, ouch!
     
  6. colbystephens

    colbystephens 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    :haha::haha::haha: holy crap. can he still get it up?
     
  7. TSGB

    TSGB 1 ton status

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    Herculiner, anyone?
     
  8. 89GMCSuburban

    89GMCSuburban 1/2 ton status

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    Haha, yeah...though he said that ever since that it has never been as quick to salute as it used to...:haha:
     
  9. wasted wages

    wasted wages 3/4 ton status

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    My sister worked as the H/R person at a roofing company and dealt with all of the employees insurance issues.

    She had a comp claim where one of the workers was leaning against a tailgate of a pickup and the 90 lb roll of tarpaper he was lifting,( think bearhug ) slipped out of his hands pinning his hotus and nads against the tailgate. :eek1: :eek1: :eek1: :eek1: :eek1:
     
  10. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

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    When I was living in the Republic of China, pubilc bathrooms were basically non-existant. So, you just stopped off on the side of the road or trail and slipped off into the jungle for quick relief. One particularly hot and humid day I did exactly that. A day later I'm in the growler back home and I see this sizable lump on my hootus. A day after that this thing is huge. Now I'm wondering how in the hell I'm going to explain this one. Foreign country, young guy, lots of "available" women.... So I sweat this out for about a week tossing and turning trying to come up with any excuse I can for the doc and my associates. Turned out I got bit by a mosquito and the thing went away after a while............
     
  11. 89GMCSuburban

    89GMCSuburban 1/2 ton status

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    That reminds me...we had a guy at work pinch his hootus with an N14 cylinder head (about 70 to 90 lbs) You take them off with a T-handle and set them on the bench. He was leaning back with the head on his gut and rocked forward to set it on the bench....his willie just happened to be in the way...
     
  12. Cricket

    Cricket 3/4 ton status

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    Think I told this one before.

    Me and my little brother used to play out in the fields around our newly built neighborhood back in the early 70's. We found a sewer access that had yet to be placed in the ground. So we climbed up on top of it and proceeded to jump off into the high weeds. Jumped off a couple times. On the 3rd or 4th I jumped off and skewered myself on a big green T-post, right in the groin. :D

    Ever seen a stick man?

    So my brother runs off and flags down a neighbor, off I go to the Wambulance, needle shots in the balls and pecker, lots of scrodum stiching, screaming, and blood.

    :D :D :D
     
  13. 3 on the tree

    3 on the tree 1/2 ton status

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    Does being married count???? Are you referring to losing the use of (marriage) or losing it physically(divorce)?:doah:
     
  14. shewheeler

    shewheeler 1/2 ton status

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    Never had one to lose, however I have thought about taking a trophy once or twice :thinking::eek1: :D
     
  15. beater_k20

    beater_k20 Banned

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    not to self: dont fock with shewheeler. :eek:
     
  16. colbystephens

    colbystephens 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    no freaking kidding! :crazy:
     
  17. SkulzNBonz

    SkulzNBonz 1/2 ton status

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    Sittin' down too quickly on the toilet seat has dang near crushed my junk a couple of times. That's as close as I've gotten.

    John
     
  18. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    I've zipped mine up before; that sucks.

    I knew this guy in college, we went to the shooting range and all of us have all our guns and this dingus pulls out a keeeerappy little .25 auto that looks like it's been stored in a toilet. We shoot for a while and he wants to try out his little POS. He's sitting there in the pass. seat of his car trying his damndest to work the slide on the thing, I mean pulling for all he's worth. All of a sudden we hear this "pop" and an ungodly screaming and this nimrod is running around the car holding his nuts, with blood seeping out from between his fingers.

    We stop him and calm him as best we could, make him drop his pants (we were 20 miles from town and had to find out how serious it was) and he has a hole in the fat of his thigh, through and through, about a half inch from his nootsack's normal resting place.:eek1: Even had a little fat hanging out of the hole.


    A few stitches later we take the idiot home from the hospital. Close call, but all things told it probably would have been better had he lost the ability to procreate.
     
  19. colbystephens

    colbystephens 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    done that too. :o leaves a mark for a while.

    :haha::haha::haha::haha::haha:
     
  20. surpip

    surpip 1 ton status

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    pumpin up a white water raft with the big arse PVC pump we use, takes all your weight to get the pump to go down.
    the tip of mine got caught between the handle and the top of the pump, and it pinched some skin off

    hurt sofreakingbad

    but the river water was cold so that helped a little.
     

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