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Have you ever offended someone by farting near them?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Loose Nut, Jan 30, 2006.

  1. Loose Nut

    Loose Nut Banned

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    just the other day one of my co workers was in the elevater with me and as the doors shut, knowing we had 12 floors to go and the elevator isnt the fastest in the world i let this steam broiler fart. See, first thing in the morning if i drink orange juice, my farts basicly turn into nerve gas. They hurt me almost as much as they hurt people around me. Sometimes they get pretty loud to. In this case, i had my ass parked in the corner and it just amplified the noise by 10x. i bust out laughing and he turns around like he was going to hit me. I was ready, i know i deserved it but i kept laughing. i couldnt help it. He started yelling at me for being a obnoxious asshole, he hopes i die today and what not, but i kept laughing and right around the 9th floor i blasted a steamer bean incase someone was gonna get in when we got off.

    It was sooooo nasty, i know i had issues breathing and i dont think he was breathing.

    So we get to the 12th floor and just my luck the cleaning dude was there vacumming the floor and as we got out, he runs in real quick to hit the floor in the elevator, as i see him go in, i start to haul ass to the office before he could do anything, at this time my co-worker is standing there watching and i hear the cleaning guy go WTF WHO IN THE HELL HEY YOU YOU GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE and he jumps out of the elevator and the entire time my co-worker is laughing and pointing at me saying thats the man, he did it smell his ass.

    so i duck into the stairwell jumping 4 steps at a time, almost bust my ass twice and hit the 11th floor and duck into an office ive never been in. As i walk in the secretary is like how can i help you and just by chance they had a snack area so i let her know im here for a soda and some chips.

    about 20 minutes go by i cruise out, go up the flight of steps and into my office with my coworker sitting at my desk and he points to me and said you got owned. so i farted again and he quickly gave up my seat.


    so, moral of the story....farts are fun, but there is a time and place for farts, and yes a elevator is allways a great place to do it, be prepared for an escape route and possibly a fresh steak to put over your eye to avoid swealing. cheers
     
  2. hi pinion

    hi pinion 3/4 ton status

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  3. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    Farts rule. Unfortunately, I usually only offend myself:haha:
     
  4. Loose Nut

    Loose Nut Banned

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    Bubba, your a cop right? I know you have stories of you in the front seat, rubing your tummy while you have a perp in the back seat. I now know why 90% of the people you catch instantly talk, and the other 9% become a statistic.

    the 1% you ask? They simply disapear. They shoulda talked.
     
  5. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

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    "Crop dusting" ranks right up there in the top 5 fun things to do in a crowd or office environment....
     
  6. theperfectgarage

    theperfectgarage 1/2 ton status

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    Hell yeah!! Sometimes I can't tell if it's a hobby or a sport. ( I'm pretty competitive. ) Great story. :laugh: :bow: :haha:
     
  7. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

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    Farts are a natural body funtion. If some jerk wanted too make a issue out of it, I'd go out of my way too make him/her my target !!!! www.prankplace.com has all kinds of fart related "gifts" too make him think twice about making a issue out of a fart.
     
  8. Inu-Hanyou1776

    Inu-Hanyou1776 1/2 ton status

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    I can let some pretty mean ones too, but only according to my family members because unfortunately, I think the strength of mine have also almost destroyed my sense of smell too. So now I really don't know for myself just how powerful mine are. I do know now that when I let one now, and I manage to smell it some, that means those around me are a-coughin' and a-gaggin'! :D
     
  9. sandawgk5

    sandawgk5 3/4 ton status

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    Onions. That is all I got to say:D

    Ira
     
  10. Leper

    Leper 1/2 ton status

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    My farts are legendary.
    I enjoy a good fart and you can too.
     
  11. Inu-Hanyou1776

    Inu-Hanyou1776 1/2 ton status

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    There's a way to hear good farts. Find any ricer who's got a megaphone on their Honda's exhaust. Those setups make good fart cannons.
     
  12. Beast388

    Beast388 1/2 ton status

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    I sit in an office with 2 other guys........it is a contest.:haha: :haha: :haha: :doah: :doah: :doah:
     
  13. greywolf

    greywolf 1/2 ton status

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    manager @ work farts all the time,he does those clinger ones like skunk spray chased 5 people out of the store:haha: .
     
  14. 73k5blazer

    73k5blazer Unplug the matrix cable from the back of your head Premium Member

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  15. K5er4Life

    K5er4Life 1/2 ton status

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    Man I have the beer farts from last night, good god those things are HORRIBLE!!! Just ask anyone who has walked by me in the last 5 minutes. Beer farts are the worst, they burn so bad.
     
  16. wasted wages

    wasted wages 3/4 ton status

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