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Headlines From 2029 AD

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by BurbLover, Aug 11, 2005.

  1. BurbLover

    BurbLover 1/2 ton status

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    Location:
    SW Missouri
    Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest
    country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California. White minorities
    still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

    Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and
    livestock.

    Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

    Couple petitions court to reinstate Heterosexual marriage.

    Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the
    Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Syria, Afghanistan, and Lebanon).

    Iraq still closed off - Physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years
    before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

    France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

    Castro finally dies at age 112. Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but
    President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

    George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

    Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail
    delivery to Wednesdays only.

    Results of 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to
    weight loss.

    Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

    Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed,
    they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

    Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

    Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

    Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

    New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and
    rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

    Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to
    campaign accounts

    Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

    IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

    Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

    Tokyo Cardinals win the World Series
     
  2. nerraw117

    nerraw117 1/2 ton status

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    thats funny
     
  3. BurbLover

    BurbLover 1/2 ton status

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    Yeah, but not sure THIS one is believable:

     
  4. OrangeCrushK10

    OrangeCrushK10 1/2 ton status

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    :D :haha: Ain't it the truth....
     
  5. Storm Trooper

    Storm Trooper 1/2 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    This one really cracked me up :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  6. diesel4me

    diesel4me 1 ton status Premium Member

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    In other news...

    Heres another 2029 headline....


    An air force jet carrying 2- 20 megaton atomic bombs crashed in antarctica yesterday,while on a secret mission, en-route to the middle east war,to end the fighting thats gone on since G.W.Bush invaded Iraq in 2004--the resulting neuclear explosion was felt around the word,and melted the entire polar ice cap in the southern hemisphere..scientists claim this will raise the level of the worlds oceans by 75%,and warn that the all the dry continents could be flooded with thousands of gallons of .......GLUBB GLUBB GLUBB GLERGPPP....---------. :crazy:
     

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