Dismiss Notice

Welcome To CK5!

Registering is free and easy! Hope to see you on the forums soon.

Score a FREE t-shirt and membership sticker when you sign up for a Premium Membership and choose the recurring plan.

help needed, more girl problems

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by big dan, Feb 6, 2007.

  1. big dan

    big dan 1/2 ton status Premium Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2005
    Posts:
    2,656
    Likes Received:
    29
    Location:
    Arkansas
    some recent events in my life have really screwed things up for me and I dont know what to do so I though maybe some advise from the brotherhood or maybe just letting things out could help me. this is kind of a long story but Ill try and keep it short.

    Last semester about half way through I met this girl that I thought was freakin awesome. Shes smart, beautiful, fun to be around, pretty much all the good qualities you could find in a girl plus she knows stuff about cars and wants a 69 camaro. what more could you ask for. after talking to her for a while I learned that she has been in a relationship with this guy for 2 years and they even have plans of getting married. no biggie, shes one of the coolest girls I have ever met and I am perfectly fine with being friends. so we became friends. damn good friends too. Ive got good friends that I have known since I was a little kid and even in the little time I have known her she is absolutely the best friend I have ever had. we do everything together and I cant help but have a bit of attraction to her but I keep it to myself and enjoy being friends. until last night. we were hanging out playing cards with some other people being the same old friends we always are and had a few drinks. we didnt get drunk by no means just losened up. after everybody else left it was just me and her talking and making jokes just like always. we went for a walk and ended up staying out till about 1 a.m. I was walking her back to her room and she said that she didnt want to go to her room so I offered to take her back to mine. she said ok and we talked for a while and got tired so I let her sleep in my bed and I went to sleep in another room. she was making lots of noise so I went in to check on her and we started talking. then she threw her arms around me and started telling me about how she thought I was one of the greatest guys she had ever met and was going to make some girl really happy one day. we kept talking and one thing led to another and Im going to leave these details out but she ended up cheating on her boyfriend last night. she told me that she really likes me and thinks Im great and all that good mushy stuff and started crying saying that her boyfriend was a really good guy and that she just couldnt break up with him cause it would hurt him. I told her that she should do whatever makes her happy and quit worrying so much about what other people think so much. after all youve got to make yourself happy before you can make everyone else happy. shes really upset about what happened and hasnt called me or talked to me all day. I know that she is in a terrible situation and I feel bad because I shouldnt have let it happen. she tried to tell me that she is capable of making her own decisions and it wasnt my fault but I still feel terrible. I told her that I would always be her friend no matter what she decides to do. she is really worried about hurting me but I told her not to worry that I would be fine. only problem is that Im not fine. I havent stopped thinking about it all day and cant concetrate on anything else. I want so bad for her to leave him now and its really hard to look at her as just a friend now. my feelings for her have changed and I just dont know how to cope with it. I want to continue being her friend but everytime I think about her that first kiss crosses my mind and its just not the same. any suggestions on what to do?

    anyway sorry for the long story, Im just lost and in need of some help. thanks guys.
     
  2. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2002
    Posts:
    17,372
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gettysburg, SD
    Shoot yourself in the ****ing head...

    I've walked that road twice in the space of two weeks... with the main drag being in a 48 hour time period
     
  3. mikey_d05

    mikey_d05 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Posts:
    10,453
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minnesota
    Step 1: Use paragraphs

    Step 2: I'll read it and give you my opinion
     
  4. 68MUDSTUD

    68MUDSTUD OCD with shiny things

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2005
    Posts:
    9,448
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MT
    I've walked that road too, only with a milf :eek1: . She had been one of the best girl friends (Notice the Space) Ive ever had. but then one night at christmas, this recent one, she came over and ended up spending the night with me and my buddy, She was flirting with me openly, and then my buddy later that night tells me to stay wherever he was all night because he thought she had been hitting on him. and, she had. so, I lost a lot of respect for her, but at the same time, we'll always be friends.

    So, i guess what i would say is **** happens, but just let it roll. (I know easier said than done.)
     
  5. Cricket

    Cricket 3/4 ton status

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2004
    Posts:
    8,224
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado
    You knew she was in a relationship, not much else to say. You made a huge mistake. Your both young though and we all screwed up at some point.

    If the boyfriend finds out it will become far worse than it already is. Not much you can do but wait at this stage. Who knows what's next. Whatever does happen do your best to learn from it.

    Inserting yourself into someone else's relationship is a bad idea.
     
  6. dogdaysunrise

    dogdaysunrise 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2005
    Posts:
    2,719
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Winterpeg
    Man I hear ya... I recommend that we just start the HeMan Woman Haters Club and just drink beer.

    That aside, I would have to honestly say that you shouldnt kick your ass all day about it. She is a big girl and she had just as much to do with that night as you did.

    I know exactly what your going through with the whole friend thing. I am going through the same thing. I have concluded that it's just some drama in the future that would be better to avoid.

    If you can't get rid of those feelings then just come clean to her. I had a long chat with the cheif of the board last night on the telephone and he is a good man to put things in perspective.
     
  7. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2001
    Posts:
    20,716
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Undisclosed Location
    Paragraphs and capitalization should be your first priority, not beaver oil..................

    Oh, try spell check also, too many red lines for me................
     
  8. iwaxmyjimmy

    iwaxmyjimmy College web wheeler Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2006
    Posts:
    2,802
    Likes Received:
    34
    Location:
    Greenville NC
    Everyone thinks I'm an inconsiderate ass hole, and I am in some cases, but the best thing for you to do is don't talk to her for a couple days. If she calls you crying, politely tell her that shes got some choices to make and you don't want to talk to her in case it persuades her decision in anyway. Because you have no clue if shes just having them feelings for the moment, or if they are for real and can lead to a healthy relationship. Thats my opinion on it and I don't care if you don't write in paragraphs.
     
  9. boggerless

    boggerless 1 ton status Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2003
    Posts:
    22,728
    Likes Received:
    96
    Location:
    dearborn heights, Michigan
    ZAP!!!
     
  10. 3 on the tree

    3 on the tree 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2004
    Posts:
    3,970
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    gunnison colorado
    Let her know that you still consider her to be just a friend. Give her lots of space, and STAY AWAY from her boyfriend. She's gonna tell him, sooner or later, so be prepared.:eek1:
     
  11. boggerless

    boggerless 1 ton status Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2003
    Posts:
    22,728
    Likes Received:
    96
    Location:
    dearborn heights, Michigan
    WOW!thats a tough one.i'm asuming you feel stronger for her than ever. but does she feel that way about you?she must have to do what you guys did.but does she feel that way sober? you said you guys were not drunk, but a little loose can make you BOTH do things you would not have any other time.JMO keep us informed
     
  12. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2001
    Posts:
    20,716
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Undisclosed Location
    You are absolutely the wrong person 'round these parts that needs to be handing out advice in this subject area....................
     
  13. blazinzuk

    blazinzuk Buzzbox voodoo Premium Member GMOTM Winner

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Posts:
    17,412
    Likes Received:
    3,799
    Location:
    Afton / Star Valley Wyoming
    Hmm I kind of went through this with my wife. She didn't really tell me that she was kind of engaged. When I found out, I basically told her she had some choices to make. She obviously made the right choice :D

    Anyway life is too short to be messing around in relationships like that. If you want to date her and have her not date the other guy tell her. You fell into it once, it will probably happen again at some point.

    So basically you have to decide how you feel, then tell her how you feel and be prepared to deal the outcome, good bad or ugly.
     
  14. MattK

    MattK 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2005
    Posts:
    1,713
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dallas, TX
    just be careful man. i dont know if how easily i would wanna trust a girl that would cheat. im sure at one point she was all crazy passionate about her current hombre. just gotta be wise where you invest your feelings IMO
     
  15. 4by4bygod

    4by4bygod 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2003
    Posts:
    3,859
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    With My Tinfoil Hat
    Big Dan..

    Don't beat yourself up too bad.. you both wanted to do it, it wasn't a random hookup, she isn't married, and it does seem like you care about the girls feelings, unlike another member who shall remain nameless..

    Having said that... Don't be so quick to paint yourself in the "friend" corner and stand there forever..you'll find yourself doing this with every girl you meet if you don't break the habit of being overly passive...

    Let's try to be objective here for a second - either she a) really likes you better than her current boyfriend and acted on those feelings, or B) Got what she wanted because she could, but doesn't want to give up what she currently has..

    The best way to find out which one is applicable to you is to sit her down, and tell her how you feel.. I would actually say to her " You said I'll make someone very happy - why can't that someone be you?"

    Girls often have a bad habit of not knowing what they want, so sometimes you have to lead them..it's ok to push for what you want, when your intentions are honorable.. don't be so considerate of the current b/f's feelings either.. he's not important, and wouldn't extend the same consideration to you..

    I've been right where you are, and being blunt has always gotten me an answer.. it wasn't always the one I wanted to hear, but I was never again victimized by conflicting emotions..

    I've said it before and I'll say it again.. nice guys fail because they confuse being nice with being a doormat..

    my wife just told me that you couldn't ask for a bigger green light to pursue this girl - pay no mind to what she says about the current b/f.. make the case for yourself, and try to make yourself happy.. so there you go, the female perspective..

    and btw, if you didn't know the story, lisa was living with a guy in colorado springs when I found her, swearing up and down they'd get married, and all that crap.. I just focused on what we had together, that she didn't have with him, and proceeded to wear her down with loving persistence..

    Tom
     
  16. kgillyk5

    kgillyk5 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    May 29, 2003
    Posts:
    1,830
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fultonville, NY USA
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by iwaxmyjimmy
    Everyone thinks I'm an inconsiderate ass hole, and I am in some cases, but the best thing for you to do is don't talk to her for a couple days. If she calls you crying, politely tell her that shes got some choices to make and you don't want to talk to her in case it persuades her decision in anyway. Because you have no clue if shes just having them feelings for the moment, or if they are for real and can lead to a healthy relationship. Thats my opinion on it and I don't care if you don't write in paragraphs.




    :eek1::eek1::eek1: Ruh,Roh,Rorge!!!........Put a condom on that thread,...it's infecting the whole lounge!!!:doah:




    --------------------
     
  17. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Posts:
    16,555
    Likes Received:
    157
    Location:
    Los Estados Unitos
    She's got a choice to make...
    If I were in your shoes, I'd give her a break, then get in touch with her. I'm also nuerotic, so I'd treat this situation like an open wound spewing puss, and I would not let anything get back to "normal" with her until there were some resolution, and ultimately, to me, that would be with her telling him what happened, and seeing how/if they work it out. Then my next move would be either back to friends with a "hey, it's water under the bridge" as best that can be made, or, "So you and him are split...let's go get a drink..."

    You guys have crossed a line, and friendship will be kinda rough from here out. You both now know there's an attraction there, and during moments of hanging out as friends, it's all too tempting for one of you to start thinking, "We both have these feelings, is it really bad to act on them, even if she's with someone else?"
    It can be made to work if she stays with him, but...not easily. It gets like trying to make water flow back up a river...
     
  18. 73k5blazer

    73k5blazer Unplug the matrix cable from the back of your head Premium Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2001
    Posts:
    4,987
    Likes Received:
    38
    Location:
    The Rustbelt
    Well, sorry to be the bubble burster here, but having known women who do this, the thing is, your now tainted. Most women are incapable of maintaining a freindship after said events take place, EVEN if she ends up breaking up with her boyfriend. A roll in the sack has it's price.

    The best thing you can do is put it behind you. She most likley will not become your girlfriend if she breaks up with her boyfriend. She'll want to,but after a while it will fizzle out. In all likelyhood though, she'll stay with her boyfriend and end up getting married and divorced within a couple of years. At that point, you may have a chance, but only if you've not 'waited' for her the whole, there's an issue of self confidence and respect to consider.

    Be her friend if she wants, and move on. Really, if she cheated on this guy, if she becomes yourgirlfriend,she may cheat on you. You'll be wondering every time you have a small fight or heated discussion with her. Is that what you want?

    I know it's hard and it sucks. But, such is life.
     
  19. scrappyk5

    scrappyk5 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2002
    Posts:
    2,099
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    virginia
    You are both at fault, her more than you. even though you think she is the greatest thing since slice bread, you started thinking with mr. winky, plus some alcohol was involved and now you have done the bump and grind.
    she feels guilty cause she cheated on her boyfriend and she realizes she
    is a slut for doing this. i am sure she likes you enough to become your spooge
    recepticle but now her feelings will prevail who she wants to be with.
    the only question now is who will she want and who is going to stick around. beware though, she is young and if she cheated on her boyfriend,
    good chance she will cheat on you.
     
  20. thezentree

    thezentree 3/4 ton status

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2003
    Posts:
    7,198
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NC
    True story.
     

Share This Page