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How to change oil in your truck

Discussion in 'The Garage' started by bajaviking, Jan 9, 2006.

  1. bajaviking

    bajaviking 1/2 ton status

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    How to Change the Oil in Your truck :doah:


    Women

    Pull in to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 since the last oil change.

    Drink a cup of coffee.

    Fifteen minutes later, pay $25 and leave with a properly maintained truck.


    Men

    Go to NAPA Auto Parts and pay $30 for oil, filter, hand cleaner, scented tree air freshener, and numerous other items you realize you need.

    Discover that your used oil collection container is full take it to the recycling center.
    Spend 20 minutes trying to locate your floor jack and jack stands no luck.
    Have a beer you don't really need to jack up the truck anyway.
    Place used oil collection container under the engine.
    Pull out socket wrench and socket the 5th one you try is finally the correct size.
    Unscrew oil drain plug.
    Drop drain plug in oil splashing hot oil all over you (and the garage floor) in the process.
    Wipe off face with dirty shop rag and sprinkle kitty litter on garage floor where oil splashed.
    Have another beer while oil is draining.
    Look 15 minutes for oil filter wrench no luck.
    Poke oil filter with a Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
    Wipe oil off of your arm with same dirty rag used in step 9 sprinkle more kitty litter on floor.
    Buddy shows up finish off 6-pack with him. Screw the oil change finish it tomorrow!
    Next day, drag full oil collection container out from underneath the truck.
    Sprinkle more kitty litter on oil spilled during step 15.
    Have a . . . wait, no beer left, drank it all yesterday.
    Walk 2 miles to Corner Store buy more beer.
    Apply a thin coat of clean oil to gasket and install new oil filter.
    Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    Remember drain plug from step 8!

    Scramble to find drain plug in oil collection container.
    Hurry to replace drain plug before entire quart of fresh oil drains all over floor.
    Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame band head on floor board in reaction.
    Begin cussing fit and throw wrench across garage.
    Clean up and apply Band-Aid to knuckles.
    Sprinkle kitty litter on one entire quart of fresh oil now pooled under the truck.
    Have another beer.
    Dump in remainder of oil into engine.
    Realize that while you were under the truck, it would have been a good time to grease everything, bleed the brakes, replace those dry-rotted body spacers, and find out where that hideous clanking noise is coming from.
    Drive back to NAPA and buy another $150 worth of parts that either won't fit, will break when you try to install them, or will be saved for a later project (all of which will have long been misplaced by the time you are ready to start subject project).
    Drive truck (1-quart low of oil) for 7,000 miles then return to Step 1.
     
  2. 85mudblazin

    85mudblazin 1/2 ton status

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    Really funny
     
  3. sandawgk5

    sandawgk5 3/4 ton status

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    I like how much bEer is consumed

    Ira
     
  4. MTChevy

    MTChevy 3/4 ton status Premium Member

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    I thought it was Pretty good one:D
     
  5. clarkjw24

    clarkjw24 1/2 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    oh my god, thats some funny chit
     
  6. 79k20350

    79k20350 3/4 ton status

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    i think thats hilarious. i cant join in, casue i havent seen it before...
     
  7. OffRoad

    OffRoad 1/2 ton status

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    that's super funny.

    (it's my first time doing the big letter thing. woohoo!:haha: )
     
  8. jekquistk5

    jekquistk5 Weld nekid Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    But its not entirelyTrue.

    Its always a 15mm duh
     
  9. big4x4ride

    big4x4ride 1/2 ton status

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    the pipe wrench is always right size :)
     
  10. SchnorrCS

    SchnorrCS 1/2 ton status

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    I thought it was almost erie...
     
  11. tRustyK5

    tRustyK5 Big meanie Staff Member Super Moderator GMOTM Winner Author

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    Wrong forum...:deal:

    Rene
     
  12. BranndonC

    BranndonC 3/4 ton status

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    i like this version better

    OIL CHANGE
    http://coloradok5.com/forums/showpost.php?p=477352&postcount=1

    Oil Change instructions for Women:

    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
    2) Drink a cup of coffee.
    3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained
    vehicle.
    Money spent:
    Oil Change $20.00
    Coffee $1.00
    Total $21.00

    Oil Change instructions for Men:

    1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
    filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for
    $50.00.
    2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.
    3) Open a beer and drink it.
    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7) Place drain pan under engine.
    8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10) Unscrew drain plug.
    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
    Cuss.
    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
    14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
    15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
    16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
    everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash
    can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
    17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil
    change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
    18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.

    19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
    20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
    21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
    22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
    gasket surface.
    23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
    25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
    along with drain plug.
    27) Drink beer.
    28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt
    into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of
    ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
    29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
    kitty litter on oil spill.
    30) Drink beer.
    31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
    rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
    32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
    33) Begin cussing fit.
    34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
    35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
    36) Beer.
    37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
    38) Beer.
    39) Beer.
    40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
    41) Beer.
    42) Lower car from jack stands.
    43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
    44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
    steps 23 - 43.
    45) Beer.
    46) Test drive car.
    47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
    48) Car gets impounded.
    49) Call loving wife, make bail.
    50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
    Money spent:
    Parts $50.00
    DUI $2500.00
    Impound fee $75.00
    Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00
    Total-- $4165.00

    But you know the job was done right!
     
  13. George_Pimpdaddy

    George_Pimpdaddy 1/2 ton status

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  14. CustomChevy

    CustomChevy 1/2 ton status

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    People use jacks and stands to change oil?



    I need to snap a picture of my ramps. 20 mins at a local construction site to gather scrap wood, and an hour of work.
     
  15. GotLabs

    GotLabs 1/2 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    What are you guys talking about? I dont get the changing oil, my wife checks mine all the time and says "Its good". :D
     
  16. goldwing2000

    goldwing2000 Guest

    Ramps? Jacks? For an oil change?? Who needs 'em?!

    You guys must be running 3" lowering blocks or something!

    I just sit down on the ground and slide right under! :D
     
  17. BlazerBuddy88

    BlazerBuddy88 Registered Member

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    its all so true i think the most important part that is missing is most of us are probly mechanics ( i am):haha:
     
  18. K5-newf

    K5-newf 1/2 ton status

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    " hey time in the garage fixing things = beer drinking time with buds away from the wife" quote from my dad
     
  19. Greg72

    Greg72 "Might As Well..." Staff Member Super Moderator

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  20. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    Gawddamn that was funny....:haha:
     

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