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How To tell if your Gay or not...probably not work friendly

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Jeremy_C, Oct 20, 2003.

  1. Jeremy_C

    Jeremy_C 1/2 ton status

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    How to tell if you're gay:

    1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard
    stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather you've been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

    2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming
    fag. A cat is like a dog, but gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails,
    and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!"
    Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

    3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby-pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks
    bar-b-q ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters, craw-fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or titties. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.

    4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom, he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

    5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with thick,
    wholesome milk) and full-aroma. A 'tang-eating man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a dick there too.

    6. If you know more than six names of colors or
    four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. Real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA, and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fresier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious!

    7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it...you hungry for meat-popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at slow-ass driver or to cut the sumbitch off. The
    rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat his hamburger, hold his beer, grab the girl in the passenger seat (whoever she happens to be), or, if he's Latino, talk on his cell-phone.

    8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French
    films, mon-frere, vous sonnez le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.
     
  2. Muddytazz

    Muddytazz 1 ton status

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  3. stallion85

    stallion85 1/2 ton status

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    Funny as hell!!! /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  4. mudjunkie 82

    mudjunkie 82 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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  5. heavy4x4

    heavy4x4 1/2 ton status

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  6. k5ntexas

    k5ntexas 1/2 ton status

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  7. Goober

    Goober 1/2 ton status

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    Good one!


    By the way, are you still coming to the aerobics class tonight? After class I thought we could swing by Freddies house and pick up those two cute little kittens you picked out. Maybe he will have some more of those tastey Ring Pops you like so much.

    You will have to make sure you check out his remodeled, private bathroom. He decided to use the chartreuse curtains with the cute sailors on them that you picked out.

    He really liked the birthday card you sent that said "Joyeux Anniversaire, J'aimerais boire de l'espresso et du lait écrémé avec vous."

    Remember, keep both hands on the wheel. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
     
  8. Jeremy_C

    Jeremy_C 1/2 ton status

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    Sounds like a plan....i need to run by the florist first though. /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  9. BowtieRed

    BowtieRed 1/2 ton status Author

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    damn ya'll hate gays bout worse than some of my friends. . . and if you had any idea. . . well just get on with the thread. . .
     

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