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i don't know how to be tactful in this situation...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by colbystephens, Oct 16, 2006.

  1. colbystephens

    colbystephens 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    so i have a friend at school that i study statics with and she is clearly a lesbian. now, i don't know how to refer to her in the third person, as she clearly takes on the "man" persona. if i need to explain to someone what she's saying, i'm afraid to refer to her in a situation like this: "so what she's saying is..." i think i just need to ask her how she prefers to be called, but that's an odd situation i've never dealt with before. i'm also slightly concerned b/c she knows i'm a hard-core christian and i'm afraid she'll think i'm judging her, and if i'm honest, i suppose i do judge her lifestyle because i do think it's morally wrong. however, i've got no problem with her has a person, and i want her to know that. anyway, i just don't want to turn her off to working with me because we work really well together at processing these problems for statics. how would you handle this situation tactfully?
     
  2. tRustyK5

    tRustyK5 Big meanie Staff Member Super Moderator GMOTM Winner Author

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    Uhhh, I'd refer to her as a female regardless of her inclinations or your attitude towards her inclinations.

    I've gotta say this about the most asinine thread I've seen in a while to be honest. :deal:

    Rene
     
  3. Capman2k

    Capman2k 3/4 ton status

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    Call her what she is, SHE... She can tell you if she's offended by you calling her what she is... Unless, of course, she's had a crazy operation to become a man... I know of a woman who did that or will be shortly :doah:
     
  4. Capman2k

    Capman2k 3/4 ton status

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    Or if you're afraid of not being politically correct, you can always say "What (her name) is trying to say is..."

    But if she knows you're Christian, she probably already knows you don't approve of her lifestyle...
     
  5. tRustyK5

    tRustyK5 Big meanie Staff Member Super Moderator GMOTM Winner Author

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    Do you really think she cares if anyone else approves? I doubt she chose to become gay in order to win approval...

    How is it anyones business but her own anyways?

    Rene
     
  6. beater_k20

    beater_k20 Banned

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    Colby... its pretty simple really...

    PENIS = HE

    VAGINA = SHE

    :deal:
     
  7. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Oh doood...
     
  8. Capman2k

    Capman2k 3/4 ton status

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    It seemed like he was worried about offending her or looking like he's judgemental of how she lives her life...


    It's not, really, unless she's offended by being called a woman, then everyone else has to watch what they say or they might be called insensitive or hateful or whatever...
     
  9. big94gmc

    big94gmc 1/2 ton status

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    Sorry, but this made me laugh for 5 minutes.... Colby, I know this was covered in school!!!!
     
  10. bowtiepower00

    bowtiepower00 1/2 ton status

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    If you are sure that she is in fact a (butch) lesbian, than treat her like one of the guys. And if she is, she doesn't care what you or anybody else thinks about her lifestyle.
     
  11. TSGB

    TSGB 1 ton status

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    Mano e mano? :dunno:
     
  12. Confedneck79K30

    Confedneck79K30 3/4 ton status

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    who cares about your religious perspective anyways? i bet she doesnt... oh wait this is a post about how to refer to "julie" in the 3rd person, if i was confused, i would use her name... but then i didnt go to college to study statistics so... :X lol
     
  13. CDA 455

    CDA 455 3/4 ton status

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    Well it's a good thing no one asked you to be honest, or you'd probably hurt some feelings with that unnecessary comment.
     
  14. colbystephens

    colbystephens 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    i thought it would be interesting to see what people on this board had to say. i don't see what's wrong with trying to be respectful of how someone wants to be referred to, and i don't think it's all that hard to do - but it's hard to figure out how to do it.

    wow, it's dissapointing to read that. either you don't step into the lounge much or... i don't know. amidst babbling about a dude posing nude, raychel being a 15 year old girl and her myspace crap, and what have you, calling a thread designed to figure out how to be respectful of another person "asinine" is beyond me.

    and, not that it matters, to those of you who think i am taking statistics, take a closer look, there's a difference (HUGE.)

    point is plain and simple: i don't want her to feel devalued as a person because of my interactions with her.
     
  15. colbystephens

    colbystephens 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    sometimes i think i spend more time around gay people than straight people at PSU, so this is another reason i have to figure out how to handle this situaion - it'll happen again. that's one of the colorful factors of going to such a progressive school i guess, in such a progressive town.
     
  16. bear76

    bear76 1/2 ton status

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    That's why you go to school to meet and deal with new people and situations.

    BTW, tell her your might be gay and ask her if you can take HER from behind. Tell her this way if your not gay, aleast you banged a chick in the butt and not a dude. See how progressive she claims to be.
     
  17. colbystephens

    colbystephens 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    thanks for that intelligent comment. ;)
     
  18. 4by4bygod

    4by4bygod 1/2 ton status

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    There are those GLBT who are militant in their gender identification and demand you respect whatever norms they adopt, but if you just use her name and the word 'she', you should be safe.. if she wants to be called something different, she'll let you know..

    And yeah, if you 'officially' notice her butchness, and ask her about it, she'll think you're judging her, especially if she knows you are a christian. Chances are her defenses have been up for years, so expect her to flip out if you bring this up. She might not even be a lesbian.. she might just hate men for whatever reason, and adopted a butch persona to further isolate herself.. you just never know what you're gonna get when you start commenting on someone elses world..

    As far as being perceived as judgemental:

    The world expects you to be open minded and tolerant of all their behaviors, but if you think ( after identifying yourself as a christian) you'll get that in return, you are dreaming. everything you say from a moral perspective will be suspect, in their eyes.

    Everybody judges everyone else, based on appearences and the words they use. You've got preconceived notions about her, and I gaurantee she'll have them about you. openmindedness is a myth.

    It's really better to just leave stuff like this alone, unless a) it impacts you directly, ( which this doesn't), or b) if someone confides in you about how their behavior is making themselves miserable.. THEN you have the right to speak into someone's life.

    Anyway, just work with her, pass the class, and move on. Otherwise, you'll have a can of worms on your hands..

    Tom
     
  19. greywolf

    greywolf 1/2 ton status

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    what he said...
     
  20. 3 on the tree

    3 on the tree 1/2 ton status

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    Just treat her like any other female. If she does not like that, she will let you know.
     

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