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I just need to vent! (disclaimer....it's a long post)

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by baldamish, Jan 18, 2006.

  1. baldamish

    baldamish 1/2 ton status

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    So my little world just got flipped upside down, and I'm not dealing well! My brother, who claims to be a "recovering" alcoholic, recently got himself into a real sh!tstorm of trouble. He's married with two kids, his wife is a bit of a pill popper and alcoholic as well. So during a drunking night, he ends up punching his wife in the mouth and goes to jail for felonious assualt. He claimed that he was asleep and she woke him up by punching him in the face. He throws a wild punch and connects and knocks out a tooth. So with the restraining order, he needed a place to live..guess what single brother that owns his own home ended up with him?? Yeah, me. If that's not bad enough, because alcohol is more important, his truck gets repo'd (no big deal he doesn't have a license because of a dui anyhow). They get evicted from the house they were trying to buy through a land contract...oh, and he lost his job because of no call no shows (drunken stupors seemed to be a bit more important). She then serves him with divorce papers. But through this whole thing, he's not saying much about the poor kids that have been raised in a sh!tty household, with drunken parents that were an absolute mess!
    Now, wouldn't you want to try and get on your feet after all this? He has decided that he's not going to get a job because when the divorce starts if he doesn't have a job then he won't have to pay her any money, and besides he hopes to get full custody of the kids! Yeah, this makes total sense to me too, not really.
    Oh, he get's his license back in a month, and because i have two vehicles (my '75, and my daily driver) he won't need to get a car real quick (????). Not a chance in hell, i'm hesitant to let him borrow my mountain bike! The other day he asked me to pick him up a few packs of cigarettes, because he's got no money (remember he lost his job?). I don't smoke! Last night i came home to my computer broken, it was working when i went to work, he was home smoking all day and using my computer (on dating sites and make quick money sites), yet he claims he had nothing to do with it! The wireless card on the side of the computer was snapped in half! i had to go and drop $70 on a new card, i now have a password on my computer and it may just go to work with me!
    I'm sure my grammer is horrible, but I really needed to vent! I want him out of my house, but where is he going to go ya know?? I figure I'll let him to until feb. then he's going to have to start paying rent or.....I dunno, find another place that will let him live for free and buy him cigarettes?? Good god I want my boring little life back!!! Sorry to go on...just have to get it off my chest!!
     
  2. Jagged

    Jagged 1 ton status

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    It's always been my understanding you're not responsible for anything you do the first 3 seconds after you wake up. It takes your mind about that long to realize what your surroundings are.


    With respect to everything else; that sucks dude. Not much else I can say :dunno:
     
  3. Cricket

    Cricket 3/4 ton status

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    Maybe I'm heartless but if that was my brother he'd have been out already with a boot stuck deep between his cheeks.

    I don't know you or your family personally but I think your in for a good bit of frustration unless you can put a stop to it. :dunno:
     
  4. kennyw

    kennyw N9PHW Premium Member

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    I'd tell him to get a job or get out now... Let him sleep on the street if he wants to be a bum.
     
  5. dontoe

    dontoe 3/4 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Rock and a hard place. Brother relationships are some of the toughest to deal with. He is family but do let 'em screw ya over. He needs help but not handouts, IMO.
     
  6. baldamish

    baldamish 1/2 ton status

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    oh, i forgot to mention, he finally told me that he knew who he was hitting, and he was awake enough to know that!
     
  7. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

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    Ditto, but that boot would have put his ass out on the streets with a no in and out privileges clause for a long time. While family is important, the line stops when that obligation is causing you major problems. Not to sound heartless as well, but there should be a limit to charity.
     
  8. pauly383

    pauly383 Daddy383 Staff Member Moderator

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    Thats just wrong , I could never hit my wife , and she can and will admit to being a B***H at times .
     
  9. 4by4bygod

    4by4bygod 1/2 ton status

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    Damn.. If it was me, I'd be a witness against him, and get him locked up for that. you get your life back, and he'll be on the expressway to rock bottom, so he'll finally wake the hell up.

    If he knew what he was doing, and he admitted as much, and then he still does all of the s**t to you and the rest of his family, he's not much of a brother or a man, for that matter.

    And you aren't helping him by not confronting him. I know he's family, but you aren't obligated to let him destroy you too.

    Tom
     
  10. divorced

    divorced 3/4 ton status

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    The longer you let him stay... the harder it will be to make him leave.
     
  11. Leper

    Leper 1/2 ton status

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    werd
     
  12. shewheeler

    shewheeler 1/2 ton status

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    That's a tough situation for sure. If you let him stay with you the way things are now, you are only enabling him. I agree with the statement made above that the longer you let him stay, the harder it will be to get him to leave.

    We know that you don't want to see your brother suffer, but this thing they call "tough love" might be the best way to handle it. No addict thinks their own family is going to turn them out and when it happens, sometimes it's a real awakening.

    Good luck and best wishes to you and you brother :)
     
  13. theperfectgarage

    theperfectgarage 1/2 ton status

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    I dont want to seem mean myself, But I went thru the same kind o thing with my sister in law. She's a mess, in and out of jail, rehab, halfway houses, lost her daughter to the childs father ( good dude, he got smart ). This gal would rather do meth and drink then ANYTHING. Our home was open to her more than once. Finally my wife relized the truth that no one can help her sister but her sister. Give it up, If some day he gets it together, be a supporting brother. Till then tell him to hit the road. There are lots of programs for people to help themselfs with, especially now that he's in the system.
    One definition of insanity I think that really applys here is, " repeating the same behaviours and expecting different results " Stay strong and good luck. Feel free to pm if you like, I've been around this crap for awhile.
     
  14. kgblazerfive

    kgblazerfive keymaster Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    repeating the same behaviours and expecting different results

    Totally agree
     
  15. MuddQueenK5

    MuddQueenK5 Registered Member

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    Give his ass the boot! I totally agree give him a certain time to get a job and if he doesn't have him gone. I know blood is thicker then anything else but if you keep catering to him and his habits he will have no reason to leave. There is no way you could hand him over to local authorities or some sort of program to where he doesn't have the choice to leave? Maybe mention to him the military..?

    You shouldn't have to put your life on hold or fix his mistakes. He made the bed he should lay in it and not be dragging you along. You made your own life by making smart deicisions to get to where you are now.
     

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