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i need a relationship opinion

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by scrappyk5, Dec 11, 2006.

  1. scrappyk5

    scrappyk5 1/2 ton status

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    not sure how to explain this.

    i am not a jealious person, but my wife's past seems to pop up every so often and i have a question. she was in a bad relationship for 6 years before she met me. this guy even called her every so often after her and i were dating,
    but finally stopped. she even saw him once in town and when she told him we were getting married, he offered to marry her, but she laughed at him and we havent heard from him since. now on another note, while she was with this guy she became real good friends with one of his brothers. well this brother killed himself back in 2003. she talks of him every so often, and says how they always talked and hung out, she has said how they were great friends.
    well 2 years later , my wifes asks me if it would bother me if she visited
    the brothers gravesite on the anniversary of his death this coming sunday. last year she didnt say anything but this year she does.
    i was thinking we finally moved on in our life and all her past was just that , in the past. for some reason this is bothering me and i do not know if i should be letting it. :confused:
     
  2. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    If he's dead, he's not a threat. If he was a good friend of hers, why not.
     
  3. BulldogK5

    BulldogK5 1/2 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Could be that she is trying to move on and put this part of her life in the past.:thinking: I would not be the one to start asking a lot of questions in a negative tone about this. Let her fill you in at her own pace. Maybe a week or so after you could ask why this year.
     
  4. GotLabs

    GotLabs 1/2 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    You should encourage her to go, and see if she wants you to go with her.
     
  5. CDA 455

    CDA 455 3/4 ton status

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    Good advice.
     
  6. scrappyk5

    scrappyk5 1/2 ton status

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    Well i already told her she should go, if that is what she wants to do.
    i did also tell her that i probably wouldnt go with her. we also discussed the chance of her ex being there, which she said she thought of that and she really didnt want to see him.
    i guess i have been trying to figure out why its bothering me.
    i should offer to go with her huh.
    i did go with her back at the beginning of 2005, becouse she wanted me to see the headstone, which that really didnt bother at that time. just for some reason she didnt ask about it last december, she was letting things finally lay to rest.
     
  7. 3 on the tree

    3 on the tree 1/2 ton status

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    Offer to take her there. Tell her you will stay in the car and let her have her time alone with her memories. If she wants you by her side, she will tell you. Be supportive, even though it is difficult. We all have our personal baggage

    If you are supportive and not judgemental/jealous, eventually she will open up and tell you the story.

    My wife and I have both been married before. Every once in awhile, she will talk about something she and an ex did together. It makes me a little uncomfortable. The bottom line is that she chose to be with me, not them, so no worries.:D
     
  8. scrappyk5

    scrappyk5 1/2 ton status

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    i know and understand. word!
     
  9. Cmoe

    Cmoe 1/2 ton status

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    Has she ever given you a reson not to trust her? Are you filling tension in your relationship? Has she ever not trusted you? Have you talked with her about your feeling? Remember the marrige is a two way street? Are you still friends any old girlfriends or have any female friends? Communication is the key, if your not communicating with each other who are you communicating with?
     
  10. boggerless

    boggerless 1 ton status Premium Member

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    i got nothin to say but,lots o good advice..i wish i could offer some ,but mine might be jaded.
     
  11. bear76

    bear76 1/2 ton status

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    Tell her shut up and go clean your wheels.





























    :doah: :eek1: :haha:
     
  12. 4by4bygod

    4by4bygod 1/2 ton status

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    Scrappy..

    Telling her to go was the right move.. can't add very much except to say that my wife and I have an ironclad rule that we agreed upon when we got married.. whatever happened before we got married doesn't matter...we both have histories, complete with "the one we thought we couldn't live without", "the one that got away", the "soul mate" etc.. etc.. so there's enough stuff there to keep us both paranoind about each other forever if we let it..

    My thought process as to why lisa's past doesn't matter was this.. we never "get over" anybody we loved.. we just find new things to like about new people..so, I never expected her to never think about ex's once I came into the picture.. I know who I am, what I mean to her, and I know that nobody she was ever with before me had the stones to commit to her like I did.. and if that's ever not good enough, she knows where the door is..

    In other words, I'm secure knowing I'm number one, and if the day comes when I'm not, I know I won't die.. it'll suck, but I'll survive.. so, knowing this, I can relax and live in the present and not let paranoia make me nuts, and drive her away.

    and the crazy thing is, she has the same outlook I do..

    Tom
     
  13. mcinfantry

    mcinfantry 1/2 ton status

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    offer to go with her. when she says no, go rent/borrow another car. park down the road. then watch and see. NEVER tell her you did this. if nothing happens your peace of mind is worth it. if something does, your peace of mind is worth it. fwiw
     
  14. Can Can

    Can Can Pusher Man Staff Member Super Moderator

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    werd............:deal:

    FWIW, scrappy, you're not the first guy who's married to someone with a past. In fact, having a past to refer to is a good thing, for both members of a relationship. It helps you to avoid making the same mistakes twice, and makes you realize how lucky you are THIS time around.

    I hate to break your balls, but I think you have some trust issues that you need to work on. If your gal's behavior is the cause of said issues, take her to task on it. But if it's your insecurities that are causing you to distrust her intentions, you'd better find a way to deal with them before they consume you and destroy your relationship. Ask me how I know.........:deal: :doah:
     
  15. Confedneck79K30

    Confedneck79K30 3/4 ton status

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    definately offer to drive her... my wife has an ex that pops up every once in a while when he comes back from his navy deployments, and he calls her old friends and asks about her and this and that and even almost stalked one of them at one point... so i simply let my wife know, i know you two dated, and that's history, but if he shows up at my house, he's a dead man, he likes to manhandle women, and that kind of man has one place in this world, 6 feet down
     
  16. scrappyk5

    scrappyk5 1/2 ton status

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    i do not have trust issues , i trust her very much. i know of her past and believe me i am not the greatest catch but i am 200 times betta than the life she had. what i was feeling weird about is that she hadnt said anything in about a year about the dead brother, then all of a sudden she brings it up. i just wasnt sure why it was bothering me. i already told she should go. i told her the minute she asked about it. i was feeling weird about going with her.
    thanks guys for all the words of wisdom. you all helped me know i shouldnt feel weird. :D
     
  17. TSGB

    TSGB 1 ton status

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    Or, you know, not. :screwy:
     
  18. scrappyk5

    scrappyk5 1/2 ton status

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    this would not happen. i trust her completly.
     
  19. Emmettology 101

    Emmettology 101 3/4 ton status

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    Wow. This is really good!!! :thumb:
     
  20. beater_k20

    beater_k20 Banned

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    obviously not, or you wouldnt have created this thread... :deal:
     

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